


Stanchion

by Mjazilem



Series: Shrapnel [2]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: 1970s, AU, All Human, Angst, Cannon Relationships, Drama, F/M, Family, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Recovery, Vietnam War, Whump, post surgery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-23 22:03:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 56,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13797240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mjazilem/pseuds/Mjazilem
Summary: Sequel to Shrapnel, I suggest reading that first to know whats going on. But you could jump right in, if you want. Everyone is Human. Canon pairings. Set in the 1970s. Jasper is a wounded Vietnam Vet. Set just after Dr. Cullen did the surgery on Jasper. Alice and Jasper will now have to figure out what they are going to do after he gets out of the Hospital. Will they be able to stay with the Cullens? Will Jasper's past haunt them?on Fanfiction.net Same title this version will be edited





	1. New Beginnings

May 1971

Friday

Alice

It's been five days since Jasper climbed out the window and Dr. Cullen preformed emergency surgery. Jazz is sleeping now, he's been sleeping a lot since the surgery but I can tell he is feeling better.

Everything feels calmer now.

I watch the rise and fall of his chest. I want to hold his hand but I think better of it, I don't want to risk startling him. He hasn't brought up leaving again. I'm hoping this means that he trusts Dr. Cullen now. He told me about their conversation. He explained how Dr. Cullen knew his real name and about him running away and he still preformed the surgery.

Dr. Cullen truly saved him, he found him that night when he was missing and saved Jazz's life. I'm so happy that everything is working out. Really happy. I knew it would work out, things have a way of doing that.

He's been sleeping really well and it's doing him good. He's got some new scars now and lots of stitches. Dr. Cullen showed us a piece of the shrapnel that was inside of Jasper. It was sharp and jagged. I saw Jasper cringe at the sight of it. It made my insides hurt just looking at it.

I am glad that Dr. Cullen has finally gotten Jasper to agree to take some painkillers. Nothing as strong as morphine. But something that is just enough to ease the pain. He was stubborn but Dr. Cullen was persuasive. I haven't heard him moaning in his sleep at all since.

"Hey." His sleepy voice drifts to my ears and through my thoughts. I realize as I've been hypnotically watching him breath he's woken up. He's looking at me lazily his head still sunk into the pillow. I can see the amusement in his eyes at my expense. I can also see the wheels turning behind his eyes. "What are you thinking?"

"Do you think I could get my hair cut?"

"Really?" I was not expecting that.

"Yeah, it's gotten pretty long." It was hanging at his chin now. "even just a few inches off would be better." He pulled a lock in front of his face to look at it before brushing it back. "Do you think you could do it?"

"Hum, I told you about my hair cutting catastrophe. I don't know that I'd trust me with scissors around ears."

"I trust you Alice. I'm sure you wouldn't hurt me."

"Well not on purpose. Never on purpose, but me and scissor are a dangerous combination." I really didn't feel confident doing it myself but... "We'll figure it out."

"What do you think we should do when I'm discharged?" My heart sinks a little at his question I had hoped he'd go a bit longer before starting to worry again. He adjusts himself on the bed so he's sitting up and able to look at me squarely while wearing the most serious expression on his face.

"Don't you worry about that Jazz." I never spend too much time worrying, Things work themselves out eventually. Besides we've got each other and we've come this far.

Carlisle

It certainly hasn't been dull since Jasper and Alice stepped into my office last week. As a doctor I have often had other's lives in my hands, it's a burden that comes with the job. My patients put their faith in me and I in return do everything I can to give them back their lives. Sometimes even after the treatment, after the surgery my job isn't done. I'm not done here.

Jasper Whitlock's birth certificate arrived today. It is back in my office under lock and key. I read it and reread it to make sure I was reading it correctly. His birthday is April 29, 1954 he's only just 17 years old. How in the world had anyone seen this boy as someone old enough to put on a uniform and go to war? Had they been that desperate for bodies to fill boots or had his experiences aged him just enough to pass.

I stand in the doorway to room 121 just like I have more than a few times this week. He's sleeping now and I'm glad for that. He seems to be sleeping easier since the surgery. There haven't been anymore night terrors. Which is hopefully because we've got his medication sorted out and his stress level down and not because his body is just exhausted. The nurses have been watching him like a cast of hawks. None of them wanting to be the one he escapes on. I don't think they need to worry so much I don't think he's planning to go anywhere.

I wonder when I should tell him about my most recent discussion with Dr. Knox. I need to tell him and I've been putting it off. I've just been worried about upsetting him. It's terrible I know to keep news from him, it's just that he's recovering and I don't want anything to derail that progress. How will he react when he knows that this Maria woman is being charged with murder and that there is a possibility that he will be legally compelled to return to the very place he escaped to face her.

I worry that after I tell him I will need to have someone keep an eye on him.

"Hello Dr. Cullen. Happy Friday." Alice says from the hallway behind me. She must have been stretching her legs.

"Hello Alice." I chuckle. " Happy Friday to you too."

"Do you need to see Jack... um Jasper." She corrects herself, he must have told her that I know.

"Not right now Alice, it's not urgent, I don't want to disturb him sleeping." She nods at the thought. I know how relieved she's been by his change for the better. She's been by his side through all of this. She's been his support through everything as far as I can see.

An odd thought about this young woman at my side occurs to me and I have to ask. "Alice what is your last name, I don't think I ever asked?"

"Brandon. Well hum, that's the name they gave me at the orphanage. I was found there when I was a few days old. On Brandon Street in Biloxi. My full name is Mary Alice Brandon. I like to go by Alice, Mary seems sort of plain."

"Alice is a lovely name." She smiles at the compliment. "Did you grow up in the Orphanage?"

"Yes, well mostly. I was never adopted." She didn't too upset by the thought but I hated to think of her and really any child not having family to care for them.

"I'm sorry for that, I think that you are a young woman any parents could be proud of. "

"That's very kind of you to say."

"I certainly think that you're the reason that Jasper is doing as well as he is." She blushed at my compliment.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen."

"I've been to Biloxi, to the state hospital. Is that where you saw me before?"

"They said I was out of control, that I was a bad influence on the others in the girls home so they sent me to the state hospital to be under supervision. I don't think I was out of control. I just didn't think like they did."

I'm shocked, what a horrible thing to do to a young girl. That state hospital was a terrible depressing place. In fact I was there to lecture on the effects of positivity on patients.

"Dr. Cullen..." Before I can say anything Alice speaks again. "Jasper was wondering if he could have his hair cut, I didn't know if I could borrow some scissors and do it."

"That's not a bad idea. I'll get something worked out Alice."

Jasper

I wake up to a quiet room and blink up at the ceiling. As soon as I do a thought, a memory, engulfs me. I stared up at a similar ceiling when I first woke up in the VA in Philadelphia. It had been too bright and smelled too strongly of disinfectant. At first the place seemed quiet and I had breathed a sigh of relief to have left the war zone and thought I was safe. I should have known that was a mistake, most times in my life safety has proven to be an illusion.

The wailing started and it cut through every nerve in my body like a buzz saw. He'd been inconsolable, this soldier who's face I never saw. I could hear him and hear the nurses talk about him. Even when they drugged him he still wailed all through the night. I hoped and wished and prayed that he would find peace so that I could too. Every cry pierced through me, the smack of every hurried footsteps that rushed to his bedside was a nail to my temple. He must have suffered, so many of the boys there did.

One day the wailing stopped. My suffering was not over. Other's soon came to replace him, I never found relief there.

I'm feeling stronger now, probably because of the food and the IV and the sleep I've gotten since the surgery. The pain in my leg is still constant but bearable. It is a different kind of pain not as sharp and burning. My hip throbs as I shift to get out of bed. I work to ignore it, I've ignored worse. I just want to get up even if it hurts.

Doctor Cullen says that the best way to get back moving is to start as soon as possible.

I wear a baggy pair of sweatpants Mrs. Cullen left for me low on my hips. They are comfortable but do put some pressure on my healing wounds still they are preferable to a hospital gown.

I grab one of the crutches I've been given. I've decided to use one crutch, I think it's easier. Even if it's not the best way to get around it leaves at least one hand free which I feel is safer.

I use no crutch if that was an option but Doctor Cullen says that it's good to use at least one so I don't put too much pressure on my wounds and my bad leg too fast. It also helps to let people know to give me some space so I don't get bumped or jostled too much.

Up out of the bed, with crutch in hand the question not is where to go? Alice is out, she's out stretching her legs too. She's been exploring the hospital and no doubt talking with people. She likes to meet people. She's said they're are lots of interesting people here, I'll take her word for it. I worry about her when she's not close by but I know she's capable and she was taking care of herself long before we met.

I maneuver carefully over to the window. Looking out I can see it was a pretty substantial drop I took. No wonder I got hurt. The ground is a long way down for a first floor window. I must have truly been out of my mind with fear to have taken that jump in as much pain as I was in.

That worries me. Will it happen again? Dr. Cullen said it had been a bad reaction to some of the medication I was given but what if I really lost my mind. What if I can't control myself during a nightmare? What if I hurt more than just myself next time? I lean against the sill, look out the window and try not to think about it.

I haven't paid much attention to what Washington State looked like yet. Out the window it seems to be damp, foggy and have lots of large old trees. There are little house and shops along a narrow street I can see out the window. Mountains in the distance. It is different then the other places I've been, not bad just different.

"What cha looking at?" Alice bounces through the doorway.

"Just out."

"Out at what?" She asks as she follows my gaze out the window. I don't respond to her question instead I smile at her as she looks back at me. She returns my smile but I think her's is probably infinitely happier.

Safety is an illusion. I just can't help but keep the thought in the back of my head. I know I probably can't keep my worry from her she can see it in my eyes and read it on my face.

I try and I'm trying with her around to let myself feel safe. It's just such a new feeling.

She takes my hand in hers. It's a nice feeling. I like her small hand in mine. I am surprised though when she turns towards me and suddenly her other arm is wrapping around waist. I tense, surprised that she is suddenly hugging me. She hugs me tighter, it's a bit of an awkward hug with the crutch and the stitches to avoid. Still it is nice and I make a conscious effort to relax into her arms.


	2. Walking and talking

Saturday

Jasper

This walk is laborious but I'm happy to be up and moving. However slowly it's better than lying around. I'm suppose to stretch my legs. The crutch helps. I can't put a lot of weight on my leg without a familiar shooting pain.

The painkillers they are giving me help take some of the ache away but don't numb me which I appreciate. Dr. Cullen says the pain should get better as my stab wound heals but might never be perfect.

For now I'm leaning pretty heavy on the crutch as I limp slowly along. I am determined to keep moving despite any pain. Always despite pain.

Just got to keep moving this is what existence is right? Just moving on with your life through pain and fear, maybe they'll be a few bright spots, a family, a friend, a dark haired pixie, a doctor who takes mercy on you and does surgery despite mysterious circumstances. Then just waiting for the next pain to start. This is my existence.

Walking this long hallway is making me feel philosophical.

Maybe I can get a job once I'm mended. I did clerical work in the army. There is bound to be someone who will hire me for those skills once I clean up and don't look quite so sickly. I could always do some farm work. I know my way around a farm. It might be harder now but I'm no stranger to hard work.

I keep moving down the hallway. The crutch is on my left side. I walk left foot, crutch with right foot, IV stand, left, crutch with right foot, IV stand. I think about it each time step and try to get used to the crutch. It's hard work every step I take is measured, calculated, deliberate. I don't want to step wrong or jar anything.

I guess if I do go down at least there's help close at hand. There is an orderly trailing me. It makes me uncomfortable being followed. I'm not too comfortable with someone watching my every move.

I can understand why the nurses are weary and want me to be followed but I don't plan to go jumping out of any windows anytime soon baring unforeseen reactions to medication or night terrors.

Edward

Emmett and I are sitting in the small alcove off the main hallway where Carlisle's office in the hospital is located. We're suppose to be doing our homework. I'm trying to get some reading done for my final history paper of the school year and Emmett as usual is putting off his school work and bouncing a ball off the wall.

It feels like we've been at the hospital more in the last week then we have all year. Esme and Carlisle keep asking us to come by. They want us to talk to Alice and Jack. I remember the last time we visited one of Carlisle's patients this much they adopted him.

Was that what was about to happen here? It couldn't be Jack was over eighteen. Maybe they were planning on taking in Alice, I'm not sure how old she is.

I look up from my book and am surprised to see Jack walking down the hall. Well kinda hobbling I suppose. He's got one crutch and with the other hand he's pushing an IV stand with him. I feel Emmett perk up beside me and I can't help but roll my eyes at his eagerness.

"Hey Jack!" Emmett is up out of his seat and halfway down the hall to meet Jack before I can put the bookmark back in my book. "Nice robe man. It's good to see you up and around buddy." I follow after Emmett book in hand as Jack keeps moving at his steady measured pace.

Jack's expression is sort of pinched, I'm sure it's from the pain of his wounds but there's a good chance that it's from Emmett's wildebeest charge of a greeting.

"Nurse Line says I have to take a walk or I don't get any jello at dinner." He gives sort of a half smirk with the joke but goes quickly back to concentrating on what he's doing.

"How's it going?" I ask trying to be polite and make conversation.

"Sorta slow." He says with an apologetic tone acknowledging that Emmett and I have joined his laborious trek and are matching his pace.

"Can I take this for you?" Emmett offers to push the IV stand.

"hum, sure I guess." He agrees kind of timidly and thanks Emmett.

"Where's Alice?" I wonder allowed.

"Mrs. Cullen and Rosalie intercepted her, they're talking about clothes or something."

Emmett and I nod our heads knowingly. Esme and Rosalie did love to talk about clothes and it seemed that Alice did too.

"I am not without supervision." his southern draw lengthens each syllable as Jack looks over his shoulder and we follow his gaze. There is an orderly at the end of the hall who's job is apparently to lurk at the end of hallways.

"Hi John" Emmett yells and waves down the way at the lurking man. I roll my eyes. Jack tenses noticeably but seems to calm after a second.

We continue down the long hall way. Someone sneezes in a room as we pass.

Jack stops and turns back to them. "God bless you."

This amuses Emmett. "Look at you doing your best Tiny Tim impersonation" he says as he cracks up.

I wish I could have stopped that awful joke but there was no way I could have seen it coming. I had no way to know Emmett would make a reference to nineteenth century English literature.

I do get it and it's kind of funny but it's really not as funny as Emmett is making it out to be. What's more interesting is the curious look on Jack's face as he asks "Who?"

"You know 'God bless us everyone." Emmett tries to explain but it doesn't seem to help.

"I don't." He shakes his head and keeps limping along.

Emmett stops in his tracks. It seems that Jack's answer has shocked him. "You've never seen A Christmas Carol? Not even Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol? It's like a holiday tradition!"

Jack doesn't get far ahead but Emmett quickly pushes the IV stand to catch up before the slack in the line gets yanked.

"It was a book first." I remind him as I keep walking and turn my attention to Jack. "You've really never heard of it, it's a classic?"

"No" He says tightlipped, well more tightlipped than a minuet ago and I get the impression that something is bothering him.

"Wow, Texas must be like a whole different country." Emmett exclaims. Jack doesn't say anything he just keeps moving. "You have been tricker treating for Halloween haven't you?"

"I've heard of it." Jack answered and he seemed to be answering honestly.

"You've never... that's un-American!" Emmett says and immediately catches what he's said and tries to backpedal. "Not that I'm calling you un-American."

An awkward silence falls and then Emmett opens his mouth again.

"So, Jack you were a sergeant in the army, what was that like?" I knew the question was coming, it was inevitable. It takes all my willpower to not groan and roll my eyes.

"Emmett." I try to remind him it's not polite to pry with the warning tone in which I say his name.

"It's ok. I was a sergeant. It was a job." Jack keeps moving one foot in front of the other and doesn't seem phased by the questions.

"Were you drafted?" the question comes out of my mouth and before I can even think about trying to be polite.

He keeps looking ahead to watch where he's walking as he doesn't hesitate to answer. "No I enlisted." I make a disapproving face at his answer before I can catch myself. I don't have to apologize though because Jack is still concentrating on what he's doing and not watching me.

Emmett continues his line of questioning. "Was the jungle scary? Did you ride in helicopters? Did you ever shoot at anyone?"

Jack seems to think for a moment and I'm not sure if he's going to answer. "hum, yes to all three." This answer is quieter than his previous.

I have a question. I know that Carlisle would say that this isn't 'the time or the place' but when is? "You were a sergeant, so you had men under your command. Did you ever order them to attack a village?"

"By the time I was made a sergeant I was an assistant to the commander of my base and had clerks under me. I ordered them to file papers." This answer comes quickly and even though he's still not raised it his voice has a tone of command in it that I didn't expect.

"Whoa why'd you want that job when you could be out in the action." I give Emmett a look, he looks back at me and shrugs.

"How did you wind up working on base?" I ask.

"Some higher ups liked me. I was good with people, including the locals." He shrugged.

"Whoa, do you speak Vietnamese?" I can see the tall tales about the great Sargent Whitlock forming in Emmett's head.

"Only a few words and phrases I picked up over there, I was good at making our feelings known."

"Like make your feelings known..." Emmett punches a fist into his open palm, miming a tough guy.

"No, not like that." Jack looks slightly ill as he shakes his head.

"Are you ok?" Part of me knows that Dad would not approve of us asking all these questions to a healing patient. I hope he doesn't say anything.

"Hum yeah, I think I'm just getting tired. The room's not far now."

Jasper

This is the second time I've encountered Dr. Cullen's sons and my impression of the taller one is the same friendly, excitable, and foolhardy. The smaller one, even though the's not glaring at me this time, he's still not pleased... with me, with his brother; with anything?

Even though he's being pleasant I can't believe he's friendly yet. He's probably only here because he's suppose to keep an eye on his brother or feels like he needs to keep an eye on his brother...because of me.

Why? Scared I'll make war glamorous with my scarred skin and my limp. I'm not one to talk about the virtues of war I was never that kind of soldier and I certainly wouldn't talk a young man into enlisting. The idea of violence is making my stomach turn.

These boys. The one might be older than me but I feel so much older, ancient standing next to them. I wonder if I'll ever feel young again? Had I really truly ever felt like a kid? Maria took that away from me. Here again I'm feeling philosophical, I think I need sleep.

Rosalie

"So, Uncle Carlisle told me Jack wanted a hair cut. I brought some scissors and things!" I pull out the barber scissors, a comb and a brush from my purse to show her.

"Wow, Rosalie. Do you know how to cut hair?" Alice bounces up and down.

"A bit, I think I can definitely cut some of the length off of Jack's if he wants." I've cut Emmett's hair a couple times. Esme showed me how a few years ago. I think I can handle Jack's hair."

"He would like that."

I smile. "Lets go get things set up in his room. So he can't say no when he gets back from his walk."

Alice

"Ok, are you comfortable?" Rosalie tucks a towel around Jasper's shoulders as he sits in a chair in the middle of the room on top of another towel looking like an unhappy cat.

Both Jasper and Rose seem to be anything but comfortable but he nods him head and she takes a calming breath. "Alright then I'm just going to take a couple inches off, just relax it shouldn't take long."

I hold Jasper's hand as Rosalie runs a comb through his wet hair. He bites his lip as she lifts his hair and ready's her scissors. At the first cut he tensed and squeezes my hand hard but he catches himself and relaxes a fraction.

I watch interested as Rosalie takes her time and is careful to make sure she's cutting things even. I bet I could do what she's doing, it really doesn't look that hard.

She takes two inches off, maybe a little more and it's up to his ears she breaths out like she's been holding her breath the whole time and puts the scissors down. She pulls out a blow dryer.

"Almost finished." She plugs it in and looks like she's about to turn it on. Before she can I ask "Rose has a blowdryer is it ok if she uses it?"

"Yes." He answers quietly. My question seemed to make her a little nervous. I know it would have been worse if she'd turned the noisy dyer on without warning Jazz first.

"if it gets too hot let me know." She turns the dryer on and it makes a wooshing noise and Jazz jumps slightly and shuts his eyes tight as she waves the blowdryer and brushes gently at his hair with her fingers.

It doesn't take long, his hair drying was a funny thing to watch. With the length cut off and that weight gone his hair as it dried became wavy and had some curl to it.

Rose turned off the blowdryer and handed Jasper a hand mirror. "I wasn't expecting that." She smiles at his curls.

He looked at himself in the mirror briefly. "It's always been wavy." he seemed indifferent to it. "Thank you for the haircut."

"You're welcome." Rose took the mirror and the towel off of his shoulders. Jasper was up out of the chair quick.

"It looks really nice Jazz. Thank you Rosalie."

"No problem."

Jasper's moved to sit on the side of the bed and has found the books and magazines that Rosalie and Mrs. Cullen have brought with them. He seems to be interested in one of the new comic books. It occurs to me that he's smiling.

I try to listen to what Rosalie is saying, I think she's talking about makeovers which normally I would be very interested in talking about but he just looks so happy and handsome. Maybe things will finally get easier for him, my Jazz.


	3. Questions

Tuesday

Jasper

Alice walks with me through the hospital halls. She flits from one side of the hall to the other, looking out windows and poking her head in doors to say hello to patients she'd gotten to know in the time we'd been here.

This walk is as slow and laborious as all the other's I've taken and even with Alice here my thoughts begin to drift. One thought that's been rattling around in my head for a while tumbles out of my mouth when Alice comes back to my side.

"Are Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward all Doctor and Mrs. Cullen's children? The doctor and his wife seem too young to have three teenagers and the three children seem to all seem to be very close in age." and they'd been introduced as Dr. Cullen's children but I'm pretty sure that I'd heard at least one of them call the doctor 'uncle.'

"They're all adopted." She says it very 'matter of fact' like as if everyone knew this.

I was skeptical. "They took in three babies that weren't their own blood?" In my experience people were not so kind. Particularly to other's who weren't their own kin.

"They weren't babies. Rose told me they took in Edward when he was five, Rose when she was nine, and Emmett when he was eleven."

I work on processing this information. I am a bit shocked. I had heard, I suppose, of charitable people but to take in three children who weren't even your blood and treat them like your own. There must have been catch. "Maybe they were paid to do it."

"No that's not the way Rose made it sound. It was more like Dr. and Mrs. Cullen did it because they wanted to help."

I thought about that, maybe the Doctor and his wife were just that way, that charitable. I have to admit they have been surprisingly and at times overwhelmingly kind to me and Alice.

Carlisle

I had all the children and Esme gather in the family room for a discussion. Esme and I had been talking for a while. Now was going to be the first time we were going to bring up the idea of bringing Jack and Alice here to stay after his discharge from the hospital. Once everyone was settled I begin.

"Your Mother and I would like to ask…"

"You're going to bring them here aren't you?" Edward cut off my thought and was amazingly accurate in his prediction.

"Well yes, that is what we're here to talk about." I confirm.

He is incensed and sits on the couch with his arms crossed. "You didn't even ask us, it's unfair we live here too."

Esme tries to placate him. "Edward we've asked you here to have a family discussion regarding the possibility of bringing Alice and Jack here so he can recover after he is released from the hospital." she explains. "Your Father and I are seriously considering offering them a place to stay, but we've made no decision, we'd like to know how the three of you feel."

Then the flood of questions starts.

"How long do you think they'll be here?"

"Will we have to share rooms?"

"Will we have to babysit them?"

"What do we really know about him, about them?"

"Do we really want them staying in our house?"

I hush them and try to answer as many questions as I can. "We don't know how long they might be here. You might have to share rooms we'll have to see. I don't think you'll be babysitting."

Esme jumps in with her thoughts. "It is the truth that we don't know Jack or Alice very well yet, but I think that they have proven trustworthy. I wouldn't want to turn them out just because we don't know their whole life stories. We'll get to know them. They need help and we are privileged to be in a position to give it."

We all agree with her statement except for Edward who says something under his breath. "Maybe they only appeared trustworthy to get what they wanted."

"If you have something to say Edward, speak up." I know he's not happy about this and his points are valid and need to be heard too.

"We've known them about two weeks and during that time Jack freaked out on a nurse and went crazy and jumped out a window."

"They're talking about it at school." Rosalie adds.

Forks is too small. I know the children had heard some of what happened with Jack but the rumor mill was working overtime probably blowing things terribly out of proportion.

"Jack" or Jasper as only I know. "has got some frightening things he's dealing with. That is what war can do to people" and trama from abuse. That of course is not my story to share.

"His nightmares were exacerbated by a bad reaction to a medicine he was given, it wasn't something in his control and it's since been sorted out and he has not had a problem since."

"But like you just said he's not in control. Who knows what he might do." Maybe I should give Edward some of my law books to look at he might make a good lawyer with his ability to spin words.

"I hear your concerns but what is he not in control of? His medicine? I control that and will be monitor what he takes. His stress? I admit that might be something he will need help with. But he will eventually know what triggers his fears and flashbacks. With time and help he will be better."

"So then you admit he hasn't got control and you're going to move him in here?

"Again it's not quite that dramatic Edward."

"What if he has another night terror and finds his way into one of our rooms, what might happen then?"

"I think at the moment the only person he's in any real danger of harming is himself. We just need to be there and help him gain back the control he's lost. Who here can say that they've never needed help with something out of their control? He and Alice need our help will you agree to help them."

Rosalie and Emmett nodded, Edward fumed but was out voted.

Emmett

Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle went out after the family meeting, they said they wanted to pick a few things up at the store. Edward had stormed off to his room and I'm hanging out with Rose in the garage.

"The one consolation is that he's too old to adopt." I state as I toss a baseball from hand to hand.

"You really think Carlisle and Esme want to adopt Jack and Alice?" Rose asks.

"Well it could be argued that that is their track record. One day he's bringing a patient home because under the circumstances it's what will help them recover the next thing you know they're being adopted."

"You know you're talking about you right."

"Yeah I'm just saying. You think Edward will come around?"

"He warmed up to you didn't he."

"Aww, what you mean he didn't love me from the start." I think I was too drugged up to realize that Edward was not happy about me being brought home but we're just like brothers now.

"He knows we can't be angry be angry. We've all benefitted. We've all got a family now because of Carlisle and Esme and their big hearts"

"Yeah but never before have the circumstances are kind of weird right. The two of them are, well, adults? I don't know how old Alice really is but she's definitely been out on her own a long time. Who knows how the two of them have grown up. I'm just saying this seems like a bad idea to me."

"Well I guess we'll just have to trust Carlisle on this. I do trust his judgment on most things. He hasn't been wrong yet" Rose looked up from her toolbox. "and I think he knows more then he's telling."

"You noticed that too?"

"Yeah seems pretty obvious."

"Why would he keep something from us?"

"Scandal, I bet." Rose has been watching lots of soap operas lately. "Jack is probably his biological love child from his trek through the Texas wilderness to bring medicine to the cowboys and Indians."

"Well that would make for a good story."

Wednesday

Jasper

The Doctor and his wife come to my room and seem to be nervous about something. Their nerves start to make me uneasy as He starts to say something. "Jack, Alice, we were wondering... we would like to..." He is serious and doesn't say whatever it is fast enough so his wife steps in.

"We would like to extend an invitation for you to come and stay with our family while you are recovering." The words are a surprise to me and I look to Alice to see what she thinks though I can probably guess.

Alice's eyes light up and I can see she was ready to say yes without a second thought. I'm not quite so ready to say yes. I speak "Thank you both for the offer, may Alice and I have some time to discuss it?"

"Certainly, your release date is set for Friday."

"If you work out other arrangements we will understand."

"We'll be here to assist you no matter what you decide."


	4. Discharged

Friday

Carlisle

He was quiet the whole ride, even as Esme and Alice and I discussed plans and arrangements. I try not to check on him too much in the rearview mirror. Every time I do take a look he's staring out the window gripping his crutches looking like he's thinking hard about something. My excitement at his being discharged is wavering and I'm beginning to feel nervous for him.

The car ride doesn't take long from the hospital to our house and I announce that we've arrived as I pull the car into our drive back in the woods and I put the car in park in front of the house.

I open my door and Esme and Alice start to get out of the car but Jasper doesn't move. Even as Alice quickly runs around the car to his side to help him.

Alice opens his door and when he doesn't move any she asks worriedly "Jazz?"

"Jack, are you alright Dear?" Esme asked her voice warm and caring as she pauses on her way to unlocking the front door.

He doesn't move a muscle. He remained in the back seat looking intensely at the floor. Alice is standing with her hand on his shoulder looking concerned. I leaned back into the driver's seat and try to get a better look at him.

"Are you in pain?" He doesn't look up and I interpreted what I am seeing with a physician's eyes. I know he took pills before we left but I also know that they weren't very strong and the drive, though not very long, may have been a lot for him. "Can you tell me what hurts?"

He tilted his head up and to the side slightly at my question, like he was thinking. He didn't look at me but I got a better look at his face. He definitely looked pained my eyes track his many visible scars searching for the problem. His eyebrows are furrowed but his eyes seem confused. He continued to stare at the floor. His knuckles are white with the grip he has on his crutches.

"Jazz, sweetheart we're here you don't have to be scared, tell Dr. Cullen what's wrong." Alice spoke softly to him. He closes his eyes.

"If you're in pain tell me and I can help." I received no answer.

Esme was at my side, standing just inside the open car door looking worried. "Darling will you go and get a glass of water please." I ask her and she hesitates a fraction of a second before hurrying to the door.

I try once more to gage what is happening with the young man. I'm no psychologist but I know he has a lot he is dealing with physically and emotionally. "Has something changed from since we left the hospital?"

It was subtle but I thought I saw him shake his head. I'm getting nowhere and becoming concerned. We are not getting off to a very good start here.

I put on my kindest least intimidating voice. "Will you look at me?" I see him twitch but he doesn't raise his eyes. "Please, Jasper look at me."

Oh my that did something, I get one eye and then the other, and his eyes find mine for a brief moment. He's definitely upset about something.

Esme returns with the glass of water, she hands it to me and I hold it out to Jasper unsure at first if he will take it. He does except the glass and there is a visible tremble to his hands. "Sip it." I advise.

After he does he takes a deep breath and lowers the glass to his lap. "Better?" I ask and he nods but still doesn't make to move from the car.

"We've got a room all set up dear, if you come inside you can rest." Esme is being so generous and motherly and I think I really must thank her for everything as soon as I can.

"I, I can't" He finally speaks and we all think the worst.

"Please, tell Carlisle what's wrong Jack." I see him flinch at her plea.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" I'm furrowing my brow now trying to follow his train of thought. Is he having a flash back or does he have a guilty conscience about something?

Alice slides back into the backseat on the passenger side and slides in close to Jasper. She looks at him knowingly, like there has been some silent communication between them. "He'll tell you. He wants Mrs. Cullen to hear too."

Esme

I was surprised by Alice's words. What could Jack have to say to me? I look to Carlisle for a clue but he doesn't seem to know anything more than I do. I walk around the car and sit again in the front passenger seat. Jack is looking distraught and Alice is encouraging him to tell us something. I try to keep my mind from wondering to worse case scenarios while we wait.

What in the world could be wrong?

"Go on just tell them you'll feel better." Alice speaks softly to him, she's very gentle with him. He looks up at her and seems to be ready. He doesn't look at us but he addresses us.

"I... I want to thank you both for opening your home to Alice and me. You have been more than generous and very kind. I just, I can't enter your home without you knowing the truth." Oh my word I can't imagine what he might be confessing to us.

"Dr. Cullen you know part of the truth and I just can't bear to not get it all out. I haven't told anyone, not even Alice the whole story. Mrs. Cullen please don't think I was lying to be malicious."

"What are you saying Jack?" The words come tumbling out of my mouth a bit harsher then I meant them too, but if he's been "lying" to somehow taking advantage of my Husband and I, there will be hell to pay.

I can see him flinch and I have mixed feelings about causing that reaction in the moment.

Carlisle gives me a look that I know to mean 'calm down' before he speaks. "Tell us, no one is mad. Tell us so we understand Jasper."

Jasper? Now I look at my husband, with a subtle look that he better recognize as 'what have you not told me?'

"Things were bad. Very bad." He closes his eyes and swallows hard.

"Please know that I never would have done it if things hadn't been terrible." The atmosphere in the car was heavy with the seriousness of what was being admitted. "I was afraid I'd be next; I was scared for my life."

Was he talking about something he did in Vietnam? I've heard about soldiers doing terrible things, war crimes, self inflicted wounds out of fear and desperation. I suppose I could sympathized but I could not condone. Could I let someone who'd done something like that stay in the same house as my children? I mentally kicked myself I was doing exactly what I shouldn't, making assumptions. I refocused my attention and he continued.

"I, she..." He started and stopped. What he was saying was obviously difficult and he was getting choked up. "Jack, Jack was my brother."

What? What in the world did that mean?

"My name is Jasper. Jack was my older brother." Apparently Carlisle was aware of this at least.

"What happen to Jack." Alice asks curiously.

"He died."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"They all died. She was the death of them." He looked up but his eyes weren't focused, he was someplace else. "She came into our lives when I seven. We were a small happy family. My parents had a farm and were hardworking and loving.

My mother had wheat blond hair and a warmth about her, she loved to laugh. My father was industrious and looking to move up in the world.

Maria was hired to help around the house after my father had had a particularly good harvest. She took to Jack and I immediately. She was mysterious and exotic and we took to her.

It wasn't long after she started that my mother started to feel poorly. She had some good days, but she didn't seem to be able to get over whatever was the problem and the doctor didn't seem to be able to offer much help.

After a while my parents asked Maria to move to the farm to help take care of my brother and I while my mother was indisposed. Ma, she was a strong woman but whatever was making her sick ate away at her until she couldn't fight no more. She passed away within the year.

When my mother died it was like all the light was gone from my father's life. Maria stepped up and filled that void. They were married a year later.

Jack and I were upset of course but we were too young to be heard at the time. After the wedding Maria's affection towards me and my brother turned fickle. Depending on the day we never knew if we should expect her love or her wrath. Her temper was fearsome and eventually her moods manifested physically. This went on for a time and my father who had once been so strong and caring began turning a blind eye to what his new wife was doing.

He was breaking, stress of work taking its tole, Maria taking her's. His health was started to fail him. Maria convinced us that the only way we could help our father was to be compliant to her. We did our best but it was never good enough eventually we would misstep and be punished for it." He rubbed absently at his wrist.

"Pa died and they said it was a heart attack. But Jack was suspicious. Now as our step mother Maria was our legal guardian.

She had the last word about what happened to us and she had lots of friends in town. We didn't know who to turn to. Doctor Knox tried to help but never seemed to be able to do much. Our teachers came to think we were just misbehaving.

Everyone sympathized with the widow who had to take care of two boys who weren't her own. She had us then.

We were isolated with nowhere to go. There was nothing we could do or say she was often merciless. Then Jack started to get sick. I did my best to take care of him and he did his best to fight it but he just kept getting weaker and weaker. It was around this same time that Maria started dating a widower with two small children.

She mostly kept him away but we knew that we had to scare him off Maria, she was too good at putting on an act. The guy and his children didn't stand a chance. It was dangerous we at that point had a knife dangling above our heads.

One day She actually made the mistake of bringing him around, she thought she had us completely under her control. We did everything we could think of to scare the man off and he ran that night. Now we expected to be punished and expected it to be bad, we didn't expect her to snap.

I tried to take the brunt of the beating but all it had taken was one strait blow to his head and Jack passed away in my arms. She went crazy after that screaming like a wild animal. I... I ran." He was shaking now and I was in shock.

"I went to Dr. Knox and begged him to help me. When the police went to farm they found Maria with a bloody lip and black eye but no Jack. She told them she'd been injured while trying to break up a fight between my brother and me and that we'd taken off. Everyone believed her.

I was fifteen at the time and didn't know anyway to escape. I got a copy of Jack's birth certificate and ran to join the army. I thought at least in the jungle I'd be safe from Maria." This isn't Jack this is Jasper. This is a boy who ran for his life to a war zone. What could this woman have done to him? My goodness.

"I just…I just didn't feel right taking your generosity without you knowing… my name is Jasper."

He looks at me then and I get a little choked up. "It's alright Dear, you're welcome here."

"Come on son, are you ready? Let's head inside." Carlisle opens his door, takes the crutches and then hold them out for him. Ja…Jasper gets out of the car slowly and silently follows Carlisle to the front door. I wait for Alice and wrap my arms around her arm around her. "He was very nervous to tell you the truth. He's been hiding as Jack for two years now. He didn't want to upset you. I think being called Jack has just been bringing back bad memories"

"It's alright, it will be fine we will work it out. You're both welcome here." As our two foundlings enter our home a thought comes to me… he's seventeen, and at that thought I have to

breathe and try not to get choked up. He's still just a boy.

Carlisle got him settled in the room that was set up for him down stairs and showed Alice where she would stay with Rosalie upstairs. We were alone for the moment in the kitchen.

"I had no idea but you knew."

"I found out when I got the family medical histories. I spoke with Dr. Knox and I've seen Jasper's xrays."

"Was what that woman did very bad then?"

"Yes she is a terrible person."

"Will Jasper, will we be able to help him?"

"He's strong Esme. He survived untold abuse. He survived a war. He avoided addiction that he could have very easily succumbed to and he found Alice and they found us. I don't think he's beyond help. I think he just needs all the help he can get."


	5. Home

Stanchion 5

Jasper

I sit on the bed, feet on the floor, hands clasped in my lap. I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing. It felt like everyone was buzzing around me when we'd first come in the house it was overwhelming but now everyone is gone and I can relax, or at least try to relax.

Part of my wishes of course that Alice was here with me, it's always easier to calm down when she's around. She has gone to put her things down and freshen up she's promised to return as soon as she can. She needs to take some time for herself.

The other part of me is glad for the quiet. It's seems like it's been a long while since I was somewhere truly quiet. You might think that a hospital was quiet but really there were all kinds of noises all the time, footsteps, voices, coughing and beeping. Now in this silent room with my eyes closed I become very aware of myself. There is a ringing in my head and my whole body feels heavy.

This feeling is familiar to me. It is a feeling like I'd felt after running through the jungle when I'd first gotten to Vietnam. I almost chuckled at the absurdity of the comparison. How could it be that entering the Cullen's home would be as stressful as running from the Vietcong with bullets flying?

It must be because I'm physically and mentally tired. I am still stitched and bandaged. I am still in pain and for some reason I've spilled my guts and just told secrets that I'd been keeping for two years. It was all exhausting.

I had half expected a weight to lift off of my shoulders after telling my story but that sadly didn't happen. Maybe I'll have to carry the burden of Maria around like Atlas was punished with holding the heavens up, forever.

I open my eyes and look around the room the Cullens say I can use while I'm here. It's a small room with door on my right and two windows in the center of the wall opposite the door. There is the bed I'm sitting on, a night stand with a lamp and a dresser on this side of the room. There is an upright piano and some shelves filled with records and books on the other side.

Sitting in the quiet room alone, I'm feeling unsure. I don't know what to do with myself. I sit on the edge of the bed and feel separate from everything.

I feel tried, practically wrung out but I don't want to lie down. I feel anxious sitting here but I don't want to get up. If I did get up and maybe even leave the room I don't know a thing to do or a anyplace to go.

Well the first thing I'd probably go and do would be to find Alice but if she was in the shower or something I'd be alone out there. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen might try to keep me company while I waited for her but I really don't feel like trying to talk with anyone right now. I've already said more than I ever thought I would today and I don't feel like talking anymore.

I'll just wait here for Alice to get back. I try and remind myself she'll be back, she's a young woman and she needs time to herself, I'm alright, she trusts the Cullens, I can trust. I look at the crutches leaning on the wall next to the bed. Would I need them if she called out for me? If I heard her cry how fast could I get to her? She was just unpacking.

I rub my palms on my knees the sweat pants material is soft, it feels nice and I breathe out through my nose slow and deliberate and remind myself to be calm.

A little while later, that really felt like a long time, Alice knocked on the door and stuck her head in. Her hair was still damp and her cheeks rosy from the hot water. I sigh with relief when I see her and her bright smile.

"Hey Jazz, would you like to watch some TV with me?" The question was innocent and with the best intentions but it makes my throat tighten.

I'm embarrassed, I'm just not sure I'm ready to leave the room and go back out to face the Cullens. What if they ask a bunch of questions? I'm not sure I'll be able keep it together if they do. I look down at my feet not sure what to say. "I don't know."

"That's ok." Alice bounces into the room. She's wearing the pretty lavender sweater, a pair of jeans and fuzzy looking socks. "You want to just sit here then? Maybe we can watch TV after dinner. Then everyone will be home."

I inwardly groan at the thought of 'everyone.' Hopefully everyone will be ok with us being here. I never got a real welcoming feeling from at least one Cullen in particular.

Alice scooted up on the bed and sits with her back against the headboard. She motioned for me to join her. I move up on the bed and sit next to her.

"Would you like me to take your shoes off for you?" She asked as I sorely moved my right leg up onto the bed and shift until I'm situated close to her and sort of comfortable.

I shake my head 'no' to her offer, I just feel like having shoes on is better somehow, it's safer.

I moved myself up next to her on the bed and sit there. I could smell the pretty scent from the shampoo she'd used in her hair. She'd left the door open when she'd come in but the room was down a short hallway that lead to the garage so I didn't feel too exposed.

She took my hand as she started to tell me all about the Cullen's vast linen closet with many fluffy things that she'd seen when Mrs. Cullen had gotten her a towel and a wash cloth so she could get cleaned up and not smell like the hospital anymore.

She says I definitely should take a shower because I'd feel so much better. Of course she was sure I already felt worlds better then before but a nice shower would just make me feel like a new person.

I start to loose track of what she's saying because it's just so nice and comfortable to be sitting here next to her. I start to feel myself falling asleep and I can't seem to fight it. All I can do is sink down and rest my head on her shoulder.

Esme

I know that the children will be home anytime now and I know that that usually means quite a ruckus. I want to preempt the after school frenzy so I head outside to go a little bit of work on the flowerbeds while waiting for the children to get home. I enjoy being outside and this time of year the weather is very pleasant. I put on my gloves and start pulling weeds. I've gotten one whole bed cleared when I hear the car pull up. Emmett parks in the driveway and they all pile out.

"How was school?" I wave to them and take my gardening gloves off.

"Boring." Emmett calls from around the car.

"Did they discharge him? are they here?" Rosalie asks. Edward looks pained. I smile reassuringly.

"Yes and yes. So if you would please be quiet when you go inside. It's been a long day."

"Geeh, I thought you said they wouldn't change things around here, first they take my music room and now they turn my home into a hospital ward." Edward makes his displeasure known in the most miserable snarky teenagery way possible and I sign inwardly.

Emmett and Rose are quick to respond to his grumbling. "Don't be so dramatic Eddy."

"It wasn't just your music room."

"I am the only one with the talent to use it Rose." Edward spits back.

"Quiet please all of you. I'm sorry for whatever inconveniences you have to deal with but we've discussed this, sometimes to help people and do what's right we have to sacrifice. I think that being quiet and giving up a little of your space is something you can handle, it's not going the end of the world and it's not forever."

Alice

I can hear the car pull up out side and three doors open and shut. My heart leaps excitedly

I want to jump off the bed and yell 'they're home, they're home.' I'm so excited the Cullen children are home and I'm so excited to be here and get to know this family.

But I can't move just now Jasper is asleep on my shoulder and I don't want to wake him. It's been a long day. My fingers brush the bandage on his forearm and I reach down and take his hand in mine.

I think we'll stay this way just a little longer.


	6. Staying

Carlisle

I've been sort of unable to settle since we brought Jasper and Alice home. There's just been so much to process. If what he's told us was true the amount of abuse he suffered was greater than I could have imagined and might have included multiple murders committed by this Maria person. She is the suspect in the recent murder of her latest husband but she could have so much more blood on her hands.

I've been doing a lot of pacing in my study and trying to figure out what course of action I should take if any. I suppose my job now is to focus on getting my new charges settled and not worrying about things I can't change.

I make a few notes on things to possibly contact Dr. Knox about.

I my thoughts are deferred when I hear the kids and Esme come in the front door. I need to talk to them before they all go in different directions so I head out to greet them.

We all sit in the living room. Rosalie and Emmett seem pretty unfazed, almost excited about the situation and Edward has a sour look on his face, sadly that's what I expected from him. I know this kind of thing isn't always easy and Edward is at the delicate age where everything is about him and everything seems ten times more dramatic than it actually is, He's a smart boy. I do hope he will get passed any issues he is having without incident.

I start our little meeting. "I know your mother has requested that you keep any noise in and around the house to a minimum for a little while and we discussed as much before. I think we all had a good idea that some calm and quiet was what our guests were going to need. One thing has come up that I need your corporation with. It's something that we did not anticipate but I don't think it will too much of a hardship." I look out at the children and see a variety of inquisitive looks and some exasperation.

"It's nothing major it's just got to do with how you address Sergeant Whitlock." I think I hear Edward groaning from his corning on the couch and I'm about to proceed when Emse decides to continue for me.

"He'd like to be called Jasper." She gets straight to the point. "not Jack. If you please just for now call him Jasper."

The children look sort of befuddled. I can understand why they might be confused especially without any context.

Emmett is the first to speak up. "Oh ok that's cool, the way you were talking I thought he wanted to be called Sarg or Jessica or something like that." I've always appreciated his easy going attitude.

Rose looks a little uncertain about the request but she agrees. "Jasper… yeah we can do that, just got to remember."

Edward doesn't say anything he doesn't need to 'why' is written all over his face. "I know it's a different kind of request, your mother and I can assure you that this is for a good reason, we just can't share the reason because it's not our story to tell. We hope you all will respect that."

"fine." came from the couch corner. It was quiet and not exactly the pleasant tone I might have hope for but it was confirmation that Edward was at least listening and for now I'll take what I can get from him.

Edward

The three of us head to the garage. The only issue is that to get there we have to pass the music room and at the moment the thought of whose in there is going to make my blood boil. Still I'm not going to let that stop me from doing what I want to do and I lead the way down the hall.

They told me I needed to be quiet and respectful in the house right now, well I can't help it if I need to get out to the garage and the music room is right there and I can't help if the book bag I'm carrying is heavy and makes it hard to walk quietly and I can't help if I'm tired from school and feel a sign of exhaustion coming on just as I get to the music room door.

I try not to look it the room, I try to walk by and seem totally uninterested but the door is open and it was practically like they were broadcasting what was going on inside. Sitting on the bed together, you could hardly tell where Alice stopped and he began they were so close. I think it's shocking that they would be lying in a bed like that in our house.

I heard Rose stop behind me and ask Alice if she needed anything or wanting a magazine. I couldn't believe she'd talk to them while they were in such a public display of affection. I kept walking I didn't want to see anymore.

He wants to be called Jasper now? What is that? Who are these people?

I lean against the counter in the garage going over and over the talk we just had with Mom and Dad as Rose starts to work on her car and Emmett messes with an old bike.

"You need to calm down Edward." Rose says to me and her tone makes me cringe.

"I don't have to do anything Rosalie."

"They weren't doing anything but sitting on the bed."

"They weren't doing anything. Jasper was asleep man." Emmett defends them.

"Whatever, I just don't like this it's weird, they're weird and we don't know them and what's with his name?"

"Maybe it's his middle name and he likes it better." Rose suggests.

"Well he could have told us before he came to stay here instead of springing it on us, like anytime at the hospital he could have said hey by the way call me Jasper."

"Being in pain makes you do things that don't make sense." Emmett says seriously.

I roll my eyes even though I know Emmett is speaking from experience.

"Maybe he's opening up, like he's getting comfortable around us and wants us to us the name his friends use." I don't know why Rose has taken a liking to these two, but it's typical Rose to want to argue with anything I bring up. If Emmett had been concerned she would have agreed with him.

"Maybe being called Jack is like a reminder of his time in the army." Emmett theorizes. "Maybe his best friend was killed and his last spoken word was 'Jack...' before he died in his arms. I could see where that could be hard to hear over and over again."

"That's ridiculous. That kind of thing only happens in the movies" I argue.

I think that's a farfetched reason and I try to dismiss it but part of me can understand a reason like that one.

A thought starts to nag me.

After my parents died I didn't want to be called Eddie anymore. I put the thought out of my mind.

It's probably more likely that he's been lying, he's not who he says he is and he's getting worried his past is catching up to him.

Alice

It's been a couple hours since Jasper fell asleep on my shoulder and about an hour since the Cullen kids got home and Rose brought me a magazine to read while I sit here. Now I'm starting to fall asleep too. He's so warm pressed up close against my side and the slow rhythm of his breathing is practically hypnotic.

My eyes are starting to droop when Esme appears in the doorway. She smiles and speaks in a hushed tone. "Dinner is going to be ready in about forty five minutes. I just wanted to let you know. If he or both of you don't feel up to it, we'll understand and bring you something."

"Thank you, I'll see how he feels."

I hate to wake him but it's probably better that I do, if he wants to have dinner he can have time to wake up and get ready. Plus if he sleeps too long he might not get to sleep tonight.

I run my hand over his light wavy hair and speak his name softly hoping to wake him up gently. He shifts at my side and squeezes my hand that's holding his. "wake up Jazz." I whisper. That seems to do the trick he gets one eye open and then the other as his head lolls back onto the pillow bonelessly and he's looking at me totally relaxed. Our eyes lock and he returns my smile. "Hey there" he draws and squeezes my hand again.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Always better with you near."

"I'm glad, I'm sorry I had to wake you but it's getting near dinner time and I wanted to ask you if you felt up to going to join the Cullen's for dinner and I wanted to give you time to get ready. Dinners not for about half an hour but you might want to wash your face and brush your hair and Rose and Emmett and Edward are home and maybe you want to say hi, you were asleep when they were by earlier…" I know I'm talking a lot, I have lots to say and tell him and I'm not sure what I said wrong but while I'm speaking I see a shadow pass over his relaxed face and suddenly he's all anxious and angles and furrow browed. He pushes himself up from the pillow and sits straight backed on the edge of the bed. He blinks back any remaining sleep from his eyes. "What time did you say dinner is?"

"In about half an hour, Mrs. Cullen said if you didn't feel up to it we didn't have to go."

"If you show me to the sinks, I'll get ready." He says it seriously and stands up favoring his left leg and reaches for his crutches. He falters for a second and I move to support him but he rights himself before I can assist.

He puts one crutch under his left arm and turns back to me.

"You ready?" I ask him. He nods and takes my hand. He holds it tight as we move out of the music room.


	7. Turkey Dinner

Jasper

They are all in the dinning room already when Alice and I make it to the table. I'm moving faster than I have in awhile but I wanted to be presentable and alert for dinner and had gone to wash my face and hands. That took awhile because I still feel tired the cold water I splashed on my face didn't change the fact that today had been exhausting.

I think it might have been very nice to take a shower like Alice suggested but I can't get my stitches wet and it would probably just have been too much to cover all of them right now. So I did what I could. I even tried to tame my hair which acting kind of wavy and tangled today.

I would have liked to put on some real clothes. I truly dislike this sweatsuit, it's ridiculously big on me and not the sort of thing I would want to wear to dinner as a guest in someone's home but I admit they are the most practical at the moment. They aren't tight against, rubbing at or pinching any of my sore spots which I appreciate because on top of the aches and pains from the surgery the stitches are itching which is just about all I can handle.

The Cullen children are seated and I do my best to smile, I know that's what I need to do to show my appreciation. I know even as I attempt to smile pleasantly I probably still just look tired and in pain, I am both at the moment but less tired and pained than some other times in recent memory.

The room seems to be thick with tension I know it has to do with our presence or at least mine. I had hoped my attempt to seem gracious would ease some of the negativity but it doesn't seem to be working. That is where Alice is so talented and so genuine. Her smile is happy and glowing and she is truly so excited to be here how could anyone stay upset with her?

Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are at hand directing us to our seats. Dr. Cullen takes my crutch and leans it against the wall behind the seat Mrs. Cullen directs me too. I don't really like that the crutch isn't where I see it but I don't want to say anything.

I sit next to Alice across from Rosalie. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen take their seats. Dr. Cullen sits at the head of the table, the door to the kitchen is behind him with the door to the living room behind me.

I sit as straight in the chair as I can, my feet on the floor, my hands in my lap. I get the feeling all eyes are on me and it makes me nervous. I feel like Edward is trying to take me apart with his eyes.

I know he's not happy that I'm here. I'm sure he was hoping that I'd be discharged from the hospital and I would be gone. Believe me if there had been anywhere I could have taken Alice and been gone I would have.

Now here I am sitting at this nice family's dinner table a scarred, scary, stranger who's moved in, an embodiment of what the war and violence that Edward Cullen has made clear that he hates. I look away from him and focus on something else there is nothing I can do or want to do about him tonight. Anyway there's more to worry about at the table than just him.

There is so much food set out in front of us you'd think they were feeding an army. It all looks very good, at least the things I can identify do. I don't know what to eat. I can't wait to go back to the music room. This is all overwhelming.

Carlisle

Esme's hostess streak kicked in after we got Alice and Jasper settle in and she prepared a turkey dinner that is one casserole dish away from thanksgiving dinner.

Now we're all sitting down around the table for a family dinner and I must say it feels very comfortable, very 'right' to me.

Alice and Jasper are seated next to one another with Esme on my left. I'm seated at the head of the table and Edward is on my right next to Emmett and Rosalie.

I say the blessing and then invite everyone to eat.

As usual my children, all growing teenagers, quickly grab for the bowls and serving spoons taking and passing the mash potatoes, the green bean casserole and more. Goodness Esme might turn us all into stuffed turkeys if she continues to cook this way through Alice and Jaspers whole stay.

Alice seems to watch the other and quickly picks up on what they're doing. She takes up the serving dish nearest her, the cranberries. She puts some on her plate and then passes them to Jasper.

As we all prepare our plates I notice that Jasper isn't taking the initiative to pick up any of the serving dishes in front of him. I wonder why? Has he just not notice them or maybe he's being timid, or he's a bit distracted to pick up what's in front of him because there's so much going on around him?

He does take what is passed to him and passes the dishes on to Rosalie across the table from him. He's a bit hesitant to put anything on his plate. He's hardly taken anything for himself and he seems to be looking around at the food and what's on everyone else's plate.

It occurs to me that perhaps he doesn't know what to eat. I wonder if he's ever had this many choices set in front of him. He might not even know what some of the dishes are. I wonder for a second if I should make a point of explaining all the things on the table but he does have some turkey, bread, and carrots by the time all the food has been passed so I decide not to say anything.

As long as he eats something tonight we can figure out what he knows and likes to eat later, no need to put him on the spot when he's already had a very trying day.

Edward

We were reminded before dinner that he's 'Jasper, Jasper not Jack, remember he's Jasper' and still got no reason why he's now Jasper Jasper Jasper and not Jack Jack Jack. We were also reminded, and this was directed at me, no talk of the war or really any serious topics at the dinner table tonight.

Goodness, this is delightful. The thought pops in to my head like a sarcastic lightening bolt. I just love that here we all are gathered around the dinner table with a feast presented to our guests and our guest of honor seems like he's not sure he wants to be here.

He's sitting ramrod straight in his chair looking rather standoffish. I guess no one else has noticed or cares.

Carlisle is practically beaming at the end of the table. Esme is in full mother hen mode I think if she could have fixed his plate and put his napkin in his lap she would have. In night and day contrast with her partner? boyfriend? lover? Alice seems practically over the moon to be here sitting at our table.

I was expecting the Sergeant here to be a Captain America type once he finally got out of hospital all charm and big smiles of gratitude but I think we got Bruce Banner instead. He seems nervous and yeah least we all forget, he could go berserk at any moment. I suppose I don't have to worry about him making war look glamorous he just makes it look tired and scarred.

He keeps looking over his shoulders like he's looking for an escape route and he's not hardly got anything to eat. Does he think our food isn't good enough for him? Is he being picky? I think it's pretty rude of him, Esme doesn't cook like this for us every day. It's his loss, Esme is a great cook.

"Hey Ja... I mean Jasper" Emmett speaks up over the clinking of forks and knives to talk to him and he practically jumps out of his skin. Like he wasn't expecting any of us to talk to him. "How's it feel to be out of the Hospital?"

His eyes get sort of deer in the headlights big for a second before he sputters an answer. "I... I... hum, better thank you." He finally gets it out and I think he's trying to smile in Emmett's direction but really his expression just looks like he's in pain.

"That's good man, you're looking better."

I don't know what Emmett sees that looks better. To my eyes he still looks pale, thin, and like a man who fell out of a window a week ago in a fit.

The sergeant doesn't say anything else, leaving an awkward silence before Alice speaks up to compliment Esme's mashed potatoes and the conversation moves on.

I can't wait for dinner to be over. I think maybe I'll go and lock myself in my room until they leave.

Carlisle

We eat and I note that this time Alice hasn't slipped anything into her pockets. I think this is a good sign. A sign that she is comfortable and not worried about where her next meal will come from.

Jasper is obviously not so comfortable. He eats quickly, warily glancing around him. He is quiet even when directly spoken to and seems distant, which could be because he's worn out or in pain of course.

The painkillers I have him taking aren't as powerful as ones I might have prescribed had he not been having negative side effects and .

But I can't rule out that this might all be too much and too different for him, the story he told of his background made it seem like any semblance of a normal up bringing was snatched away from him fairly early in his life. He might also just be a quiet person.

Everyone else is talking quite a bit in contrast. Rosalie, Esme and Alice talk of plans to go shopping. Emmett talks about the baseball finals that the Forks team didn't make it into this season. Edward looks mildly annoyed about anything and everything I'm sure, that look is becoming all too common on his face.

Jasper only seems to be interest in anything besides his plate and Alice when Emmett gets a second helping of mash potatoes. Jasper seems a little surprised and looks from Emmett's plate to me.

This tortured child soldier is new territory for me. There seem to be a lot of complicated things going on with him, even at what should be a simple dinner. I've taken psychology courses and worked with victims of different traumas throughout my career and even in my family but I feel like I need to be taking notes. I think there is going to be a lot he'll need help adjusting to, I'm afraid the glimpses of Jasper we've seen today might only be the beginning.

I think maybe he's look at me to judge my reaction to Emmett taking more food. The question is, is it because he's taking more food? More food than me, than everyone else, or because he didn't ask if he could have more, or is it something else?

Had he been a soldier who had been held in a prisoner of war camp over in Vietnam I would ascribe his actions to that experience but that wasn't the case here. I hate to read into Jasper's actions without more information but I can infer from the knowledge that I have about him now that his reaction might have something to do with the abuse that Maria inflicted upon him.

I smile at him, trying to be reassuring and hoping to mask any concern I'm feeling that might make him more uncomfortable.

"Is there anything you'd like to have seconds of Jasper?" I ask politely.

He seems to think about the question and then says the first thing he's said since answering Emmett. 'No thank you Sir.'

Esme turns to him and opens her mouth to say something and as soon as she does his face pales slightly and he speaks abruptly. "Not that it wasn't good, Thank you. Thank you for the food."

"You're welcome Jasper." Esme says sincerely before turning to me with an expression that let me know she is concerned about his reaction.

"Yes, you're welcome please help yourself." I reiterate.

Jasper nods his head but I get the feeling he doesn't truly believe or trust what I've said. He backs slightly away from the table indicating that he is done. Esme looks at me as we both tried to get a handle on the situation, I think we're both going to have a lot to talk about. "Dessert?" I suggest.

"Dessert." She agrees, "Who wants Apple pie?"

We begin to clear the dishes from dinner, Alice jumps up to help and Jasper looks around at what everyone else is doing and starts to pick up his plate and things.

I stop him, taking his plate for him. "You're off the hook for dish duty. You just take it easy tonight, Doctor's orders." He nods and I can't tell if he's frustrated or relieved.

He sits quietly and stiffly while everyone else clears the table around him. He twists a napkin gripped tightly in his hands.

He watches Alice as she gracefully falls into sink with the flurry of people moving back and forth and dishes being handed and shifted. She seems amazing comfortable with our family dynamic.

When everything is in the kitchen and put away we gather once again at the table and Esme brings out her hot apple pie. She cuts it into eight large slices and puts vanilla ice cream along side each slice on a plate for all of us and passes them around.

The pie is excellent, baking is one of Esme's many talents. Everything is going pleasantly, Jasper is eating his pie and seems content Alice has moved her chair closer to his so that their shoulders are practically touching.

Then everyone finishes their dessert and I see my two teenage sons eyeing the remaining slice of pie. They both scramble quickly, forgetting our guests and their manners to hold their plates out quickly to Esme. "Mom?" "Aunt E?"

I see Jasper flinch at their sudden movements and loud voices.

"Ok ok calm down guys," I say in a quiet hopefully calming voice. "We have guests. Don't you think you should offer them the pie first before fighting over it?"

Emmett whines and Rose rolls her eyes. Edward looks across the table "You can have it if you want it Jack." It was not a slip of the tongue that Edward called him Jack everyone knows it and it feels like all the air is sucked out of the room.

The emotional gymnastics that are going on behind Jasper's eyes are hard to watch as he tries to keep it together. Knowing about his brother Jack now makes the name hard for me to hear and I can only imagine how he must have feel. He holds it together and his face remain passive but his voice cracks when he answers. "No, no thank you."

"So..." Emmett slides the pie plate towards him. "More for me." Everyone looked at him as he dug in.

"I'm finished can I go?" Edward sulks.

"Yes you're excused. Everyone is excused." Edward jumps up and practically ran out of the dinning room. Rosalie and Emmett pick up their plates and cups and move into the kitchen.

Alice took Jasper's plate as he stood up and and moved carefully to reach for his crutch. "Do you need anything?" I ask him.

"No Sir thank you."

"You've got some bed clothes and a toothbrush?"

"Yes sir thank you."

"What about you Alice? How have you found your room?"

"It's so nice Dr. Cullen thank you again for letting us stay. Everything is so nice and my bed looks so comfortable."

"Well let us know if there is anything you need, don't hesitate to ask." They both nod and head out.

I join Esme in the kitchen. "That was an interesting family dinner."

"Yes very interesting." She put down her dish towel and came to stand next to me. We could see Rose and Emmett showing Alice and Jasper the TV in the family room.

"Do you think things will calm down?"

"Do you mean will Edward calm down and Jasper settle in? They're good questions I don't know the answer to, but I suspect with with time they will."

"I hope it doesn't get worse before it gets better."

I take her in my arms and hug her tight. "Me too."


	8. After Dinner

Friday Night after Dinner

Rosalie

God, Edward is being a douche. He is just determined to make things bad because Jasper doesn't have it hard enough right now. I don't know what Eddy is thinking but thank goodness he's stormed off to go lock himself in his room. He's such a baby.

I know that Carlisle and Esme have gone into her office, there probably talking about what they're going to have to do about the brat. My guess, nothing, Ed gets away with everything. Something about trusting him and letting us learn from our own mistakes. I don't see that happening anytime soon Ed's got his head so far up his butt.

I'm trying not to sit her fuming about Edward obviously it's not working, Emmett nudges me with his elbow and give me his 'forget Edward' looking. We're showing Alice and Jasper the TV and I do need to wake up because it is amusing. Alice loves it. The Partridge family is on and you might think Alice, as excited as she is, was watching the Moon Landing.

I wouldn't describe Jasper as amusing but certainly interesting. He is standing, sort of leaning on the chair behind Alice he said he'd rather stand right now.

I saw him during dinner I heard the panic in his voice. I don't know what happened to him over in Vietnam but something about his pain certainly felt familiar to me. Now I feel uncomfortable just looking over at him is bringing feelings of my suppressed childhood abuse to the surface. I know it's not his fault. I think I need to find something else to focus on.

Edward

I slam the baseball into my glove again and again. I need a distraction, the sting as the ball slams into my palm is welcome. Of course the distraction I'd like is to go and play the piano. That would be nice but I can't, I can't go down to the music room because they've given it to him.

I don't want to go downstairs anyway. I'd have to see everyone with all their stupid ideas and their stupid faces. They must be stupid they can't seem to see past the end of their own noses. Seriously It's one thing for Carlisle and Esme to take in kids. But the Sergeant isn't a kid is he and they just think that they can trust him. Why can't anyone seem to see? The world isn't simple like when they were kids, Carlisle must know this isn't some G.I. From WWII that's just beat Gerry and needs a little time to get back on his feet.

Sure his file apparently says he help save some civilians but he's acting suspicious now and for all we know about him and Alice they're together because he's brainwashed and kidnapped her.

I slam the ball down in my glove once more before I get up to turn the radio on the dresser on. I think I can pick up NPR tonight, they've been saying some really enlightened things. Hopefully it will drowned out all the stupid in this house. I put the baseball and glove down on the bed as I adjust the dials.

I accidentally bump the bed and freeze when the ball hits the floor behind me with a bang.

"uuuggghhh" I should have been more careful that will probably bring Mom or Dad up here and on my case.

Emmett

Jasper really jumps when a bang comes from Edward's room. Everyone else heard it and didn't really seem to react but him, like it really startled him.

I feel bad. Is this what being shellshocked looks like? I suppose if you'd be shot at and been in an explosion sudden loud noises would make you tense. I know I was nervous around dogs for awhile after being attacked by one. I guess this is one of the reasons Uncle Carlisle asked everyone to be a little quiet tonight.

He looks around as if he's trying to figure out what the noise was, or if there is a threat he should be worried about. Poor guy is definitely on the defense. "It was just Edward, probably just goofing around."

Jasper nods but looks uneasy. Alice and Rose are engrossed in a clothing catalog so I think it's up to me to try and strike up a conversation as he doesn't seem to be at all interested in what's going on on the TV. I can't blame him there The Partridge family is kinda boring. Though sometimes Danny is funny and Mrs. Partridge is nice looking for a mom.

"Yeah the bang was probably just a baseball. We're both on the team and Edward he needs lots of practice." He looks at me from behind the chair Alice had been sitting in but doesn't say anything.

Standing back there in that awkward location he kinda reminds me of a wounded wild animal, like he wants our help but he also wants to be able to run away at any moment. The scars on his neck and arms make him look wild, the lame sweatsuit kinda detracts from that though.

I'd like to trying to make him laugh or smile or relax a little, something. I hate to see the guy so on edge. He smiles at Alice I've seen that but so far I don't think I've seen him laugh. Carlisle has often said that laugher is good medicine.

I might have to work up to the comedy, I think Jasper might be a serious kinda guy which, well I can understand, I think surviving being in a war is probably serious business. Even if M.A.S.H. made it look like there could be some funny moments.

Jasper

"Hey, did you see the Super Bowl I bet you're a Dallas fan being from Texas, man they started off strong and totally lost it in the second half." Emmett asks. I'm not sure I want to talk right now. The only reason I'm still out here is because Alice is. She's been so excited tonight and it's been nice to see her happy.

I know for the sake of being pleasant I have to at least answer.

"I heard about it." I do remember hearing people talking about it but think I'd just been released from the veteran's hospital at that time. I hadn't had a place to live. I wasn't worried about a football game. I've never really ever had time to worry about games.

"Oh well, do you follow like baseball or football or follow basketball?"

I think I'm quiet for a little to long because I start to feel like he's concerned. I don't know what to answer.

This pain is making me all mixed up. I was always able to talk to people, to charm them. Growing up I always needed to have an answer for everything. 'Why isn't your homework done?' 'Why don't you go out for school sports?' 'How's you get that shiner?' I had to smile and come up with satisfactory answers or risk Maria's wrath.

When I joined the army I talked my way up the ranks and ingratiated myself to high ups just enough to be noticed but not enough to have people start getting nosey.

And for pete's sake I took Jack's name to save my life and didn't look back. I didn't let the mention of his name break me. Of course I can rationalize that they had mostly called me Whitlock or Tex in the army but still I'd been charming and pleasant and didn't let anything get to me.

Now I've had some shrapnel tearing at my insides and some stitches holding me together and suddenly the mention of his name hurts worst then any wound and some snot nosed kid is going to break me. I need to get it together build back up my defenses and not let my weaknesses show.

Alice touches my arm and I startle. "Hey Jazz." She smiles but I can see a hint of worry in her eyes. I look around the room and see that they are all looking at me, and I feel uncomfortable with their eyes on me. I must have gotten lost in thought or something.

"I sorry, think I'm a little tired." I gives as an explanation, it is the truth.

"Understandable dude. Might be time to hit the hay."

"I'm sure it's been a long day, you should just go and relax." Rose smiles but she has a sad smile.

"Come on Jazz, let's get ready for bed." Alice takes my hand and I gratefully follow her.

Alice

"I'll be just upstairs. There's no need to worry." I think the look on his face might tear my heart out. We've been laying together quietly for a while and now in his I'm able to fall asleep and I knew I couldn't stay. He knew I couldn't stay and that point was driven home when Mrs. Cullen knocked on the door and subtly hinted that I should make my way to my own bed.

He'd tensed at her words but I know it wasn't because he was embarrassed by are closeness.

"I know I know. I just wish you didn't have to go." He says he knows he doesn't have to worry but he still looks worried.

"You get a good night's sleep and I will see you bright and early tomorrow morning." He nods his head and I squeeze his hand. I want to reassure him but I'm not excited about this arrangement either.

"I'm so proud of you." I really am, he's really working so hard to get better, to be alright with being here.

His green eyes meet mine "You're amazing and I'm so lucky you came into my life."

"You're making me blush. Now, go to sleep."

"You'll come back if you need me?"

"I'll be alright. You be alright too, ok. I'll see you in the morning." He's so tired I really hope he falls asleep and stays asleep. I think I'm going to be up all night just listening for him, I'm worried he might have nightmares.

"Good night." I shut off the light on the night stand and quietly close the door behind me.

I make my way back to my room and I pass by Dr. Cullen's office. "Goodnight Alice." He says softly.

"Good night Dr. Cullen, thank you again for everything."

"You're welcome Alice, sleep well."


	9. Small Choices

Saturday Morning (the day after Jasper is released from the hospital)

Carlisle

Esme sets a cup of coffee for herself and one for me on the table as I divide the morning paper for us. She likes the business section. I usually skim the headlines and then look at the editorials. I slide the comics down to the end of the table where Emmett usually sits.

"I think I'll take the girls out today if they want to go and do a little shopping." Esme says as she butters her toast.

"That sounds nice. I was thinking about doing some yard work." It looked like it was going to be a really nice day out. The Pacific North West stayed pretty overcast and rainy, it was always exciting when the sun was out.

"I weeded quite a bit of the front flower beds yesterday. The back does needs some attention."

"I can do that, the boys can help."

"Help with what?" Edward came into the dinning room barefooted in shorts and a t-shirt.

"The yard work" I inform him from behind my paper. I hear the groan I expect him to make. The same groan he makes anytime mowing the grass or trimming the bushes comes up.

I lower the paper I've been glancing at and look across the table at Edward being moody over his Cheerios. "If you don't want to do that you could always ask if you can go shopping with your Mother."

"I'd be ok with that." Esme turned the page of her section of the paper.

"What if I want to do neither?" Edward countered.

Esme and I had discussed what we wanted to do about Edward and the attitude he's be displaying. We decided that we wouldn't ground him. Grounding him would only make him more indignant and give him time to dwell on what was upsetting him. We decided we needed to keep him occupied. Some quality time with the family and our guests would hopefully do him some good.

"Neither is not an option."

"Fine." Edward huffed, rolled his eyes and picked up his bowl to go eat somewhere else.

"Make sure that bowl makes it into to the sink." Esme called after him. I think I hear his groan of acknowledgement. Oh my teenagers are fun.

A little while later Alice follows Rosalie and Emmett to the dinning room. Rose gets a cup of coffee, the one a day that we allow her, and an orange and sits down at the table to peel it.

Emmett hands Alice a stack of bowls and a handful of spoons and then pulls out of the cabinet every box of cereal we have. Apple Jacks, Captain Crunch, Sugar Chexs, Fruit Loops, Cheerios, and Golden Grahams.

They carry them over and lay them out on the table. "Couldn't you have made a choice before you got to the table." Esme is no doubt wondering what kind of mess is going to have to be cleaned up after hurricane Emmett.

"No cause Alice hasn't had any of these and I figure she should try them before choosing."

I can understand my son's thought process if not the execution. I just shake my head. "Alice do you know if Jasper is awake yet?"

"Yes Dr. Cullen, he just wanted to get dressed before getting breakfast."

"Alright."

"I think I'll go check on him."

Emmett who'd just poured the milk into a bowl of Golden Grahams for Alice to try. "You better hurry it's gonna get soggy."

"Oh hum, I'll be quick." She leaps out of her seat and out of the room, gracefully.

A couple minuets pass. Rosalie peels her orange. Emmett is mixing cereal at the end of the table rather precisely like he's following a recipe. "What are you doing?" Rosalie asks.

"Creating, Rose, creating."

When Alice returns it is, I am surprised to see, with a fully dressed Jasper.

He is wearing an old pair of Edward's pants and a button down shirt the Esme put in the music room for him.

He's got the shirt tucked in and buttoned nearly all the way up and sleeves all the way down. He is wearing his boots. He has a crutch under his left arm. Alice at his other side.

I would not have advised him getting into anything but sweats and sneakers so soon but maybe it's a sign he is feeling better.

Well I might have believed that if he hadn't had such a pained look on his face.

"Good morning Jasper." Esme greets him.

I stop scrutinizing to greet him as well. "Good morning."

He nods at me and Esme. "Morning." He says through tight lips.

"Come sit here nest to me." Alice directs him to a seat by her. "Emmett and I are having cereal."

"How did you sleep dear?" Esme pours a glass of juice and sets it in front of him. He doesn't have a chance to answer before Emmett is talking to him.

"Here ya go..." Emmett sits a bowl and spoon down at Jasper's seat. "What kind of cereal would you like?"

Jasper sits ram rod straight in the chair like he had a dinner last night. Not relaxed at all. I can't help myself but observe.

"I, I'm not..." he starts but Alice interrupts in her excitement. "What are you eating Em?" She leans over the table to see.

"The Captains Golden Sugar Loops! I mixed the Captain Crunch, Golden Grahams, Sugar Chexs, and Fruit Loops." Emmett explains rather proud of himself. Maybe we should try to get him to help out with the cooking more, perhaps that's something that would interest him.

"Wow that's so neat." Alice is impressed

"Gross,that's just gross Emmett." Rose is not impressed and lets everyone know then she goes back to looking over the classifieds.

"What if I mixed the Apple Jacks and Fruit Loops?" Alice asks intrigued.

"Oh yeah yeah that's a good mix definitely."

I chuckle behind my paper and glance down to the other end of the table Emmett and Alice are having fun, Jasper is sitting quietly.

"I think I'll call this one loopy apples!" Alice exclaims. "What do you think?" She slides her bowl over to Emmett.

"Tastes like a winner to me!"

I smile as Alice gleefully claps. I notice that Jasper is looking in Esme and my direction with a curious look on his face. Possibly to gage our reaction. I get the feeling he isn't sure what to make of all this.

"Which would you like to have Jasper?" Alice asks him and he looks at her bowl and then at all the cereal boxes.

He looks uncertain but starts to speak when Edward decided to join us.

"Leave my cereal out of your mess Emmett!" He says as he storms away from the table with the cereal.

"I didn't see your name on the box bro!" Emmett yells after him.

This is not an uncommon occurrence in our house right now, with three moody teenagers and Esme and I have really grown accustom to this kind of out burst but poor Jasper is wide eyed afterwards.

I stand up, put my paper under my arm and follow Edward into the Kitchen.

"Edward, you need to go and apologize."

"Come on, Dad." Edward scoffs at the idea.

"No, Edward. Emmett wasn't using the Cheerios. He brought them out incase Alice or Jasper might want some."

"Jasper" He said snidely under his breath.

"Edward, I know that we're asking for a lot of changes is a short period of time and we're all adjusting please give it time." I know he is a kind capable young man and I know he can be mature about all this he just needs to be reminded.

"You needed help once too." He almost rolls his eyes but stops, instead he nods. "Come on son, you can do this."

We head back into the dinning room. Esme offering to make toast and Alice is asking Jasper if he won't have something to eat.

He speaks softly but I still hear as he tells Alice he doesn't think he's hungry.

Esme looks at me I can tell she's concerned for our guest.

"Are you feeling alright Jasper?" I ask. "Are you in pain or nauseous?"

"Eww gross I'm eating here." Rosalie exclaims. Jasper grimaces, I'm not sure why.

"You really should eat something before taking any medication." I know he knows this we discussed it at length when deciding the course of his pain management. So I'm a little confused why he would be choosing not to eat right now.

"It would really be no bother to make you something dear if you'd prefer." Esme is up and moving ready to accommodate as best she can.

Jasper looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

"I..." he looks back and forth between us and the cereal.

"Here." Rosalie's voice cuts through the tension. "Try the Chex." she pushes the box towards him. "They're not as boring as Edward's dumb Cheerios and not as wacky as all of Emmett's cartoon cereals."

Jasper takes the box and nods and it's like the tension has been released from the room.

"I got you man." Emmett pours milk on Jasper's cereal and then pours some on his second helping.

I breath a sign of relief as Jasper eats and Edward sits down with the other kids and returns the Cheerios to the table.

Alice

I'm not sure what was upsetting Jasper, but he seems ok now with eating something. I'm glad he changed his mind and decided to eat, I hate the thought of him being hungry. He's had enough of that for a lifetime.

I hope he didn't push himself to much this morning. I told him he didn't need to worry about getting dressed. Emmett and Rosalie are both still in their pajamas at the table.

It seemed important to him so I didn't push it.

I know he's treating staying here as a very serious thing. I hope he relaxes soon. It's so nice here with the Cullen's I want Jasper to enjoy it like I am.

I look through the comics strips, I've always liked Snoopy and especially Woodstock. Jasper looks over when I laugh at the Dennis the Menace strip, I turn the paper so he can read it. He gives a little smile, I would have missed it if I hadn't been looking.

I wish he'd smile his cute lopsided grin that's so sweet, I know he will eventually, he just needs to get used to all this new stuff.

"I was thinking about going shopping today." Mrs. Cullen says as she picks up her plate to take it to the sink.

"Like to look for clothes or stuff or just like food?" Rosalie asks after she finishes the last drop of her coffee. I like coffee but not as much as Rose seems to.

"Both," Esme answers.

"Ok, can we stop at the drug store too I'm out of conditioner."

"That's fine. I'd like to leave in about forty five minuets. Alice would you like to come?"

"oh Yes!" I say quickly without thinking, without thinking about Jasper.

"Great, Edward did you decided what you're doing?"

"I'm gonna go with you."

"OK. Anyone else want to go?" Emmett declined and Jasper shook his head. "Is there anything anyone needs picked up?"

"Oh OH Pop Tarts Aunt Esme some strawberry frosted Pop Tarts." Emmett suggested.

"Ok Pop Tarts, anything else?" Mrs. Cullen asks. "Jasper is there anything you'd like from the store?"

Jazz looks surprised at the question. "No Ma'am, thank you."

"Are you sure? It's no bother is there anything in particular you'd like to eat?" Jasper shakes his head.

"Dude, what do you like? What did you eat when you were growing up?" Emmett asks trying to be encouraging.

Jasper blinks at him, I don't know if he understands the point of the question.

"For breakfast?" He asks seriously.

"Sure."

"Mush." Jasper answers matter of factly.

"What the heck is mush?" Emmett makes a face and Jasper looks a bit more confused.

"Boiled cornmeal." Jasper says like everyone should have heard of the stuff.

"Ick." Rosalie reacts. I agree that it doesn't sound very good.

"Rose." Dr. Cullen says her name in a warning tone.

"You ate that by choice?" Emmett scrunches his nose and ignores the look his parents are giving him.

"There was no choice." Jasper informs him.

Emmett and the other Cullen children become quiet as they try to process what Jazz is saying. They don't know the whole story, yet, so they are kind of at a loss. They seem to realize that it's not good when they finally pick up on the signals their parents are sending.

Jasper must sense that he's said something wrong, he looks to me with wide worried eyes. "It's alright Jazz." I say quietly to him "You're ok." and then I speak up. "Could we get waffles Mrs. Cullen those Eggo ones we saw a commercial for? They looked really good."

"Certainly," Mrs. Cullen gives us a sad smile, "they are good. Ok I'm going to go get ready, I want to leave here in about 45 minutes."

I'm so excited to go out with Mrs. Cullen and Rosalie and Edward. I practically skip to the sink to clean up my bowl.

When I get back to the table Jasper is starting to clear his dishes and it occurs to me that going with them means leaving him here. I mean he could go if he wanted to I'm sure, but I doubt he wants to go out shopping, stores with lots of people have never been his favorite places.

"Will you be alright if I go out?"

"Yes, hum... I'll be fine." He says but he doesn't look like he's so convinced. I wonder if he's concerned about me.

"I'll be fine too, you know." I push Emmett's chair in as Jazz comes around the table with his bowl.

"I know, you should go."

"If you need me to stay, I understand." It really is only his first day out of the hospital.

He looks back at me with an intense scrutinizing look like he's trying to solve a puzzle and accidentally

runs into the sideboard with his crutch. He startles and the bowl slips from his hand.

Some how in between my shocked gasp as he stumbles and making sure he's alright I catch the bowl.

He hops a little on his left leg and rights himself, stares at me clutching the bowl and breaths a sign of relief. "What would I do without you."

"Oh my that's a good question," I shake my head a little in disbelief as I place the still intact bowl into the sink. "Would you feel better if I stayed?"

"I always feel better when you're with me but that's no reason for you not to go out. I'll be ok, I'll be careful to watch where I'm walking while you're out."


	10. Out and About

Esme

It was about thirty minutes to the large department store that I wanted to visit. I sit in the passenger seat and let Rose drive. It's good practice for her. Though she could make this trip blind folded.

Edward grumbled about Rose getting drive and not him. Honestly he needs the practice but I'm going to have to get Carlisle to take him out. He makes me too nervous.

When I've taken Edward out driving recently he seems too interested in what I'm thinking about what he's doing and not interested enough in whats going on on the road.

"Can you drive Alice?" I hear Edward ask over the radio.

"I don't know I've never tried." She says with a smile.

I glad she's in a good mood. I hope that Jasper is doing alright. I wasn't sure that they would want to be separated. It was one thing in the hospital for them to be apart, they were still in the same building. This is different.

Jasper seemed to be ok with the separation. I feel for him, he seems nervous and lost and most comfortable when Alice is at his side. He also seems very mature in his understanding that they can't be joined at the hip all the time.

He's had to grow up so fast.

I breath in sharply, I don't want to think about the story he told us yesterday about the life he'd run from. Whenever I think about it it upsets me terribly. No child deserves that.

I look at my own children and remember the pains they've had to endure. Again I banish the thoughts, I can't focus on all the bad right now, I need to be focus on what I can do for my children and Jasper and Alice.

I tried to get Jasper to tell me what I could do for him or get for him to help make his stay with us more comfortable for him. He was like the sphinx full of riddles but no answers. I hope that Alice has some idea what he needs.

Jasper

I just didn't want to put on sweats another day. It felt like I'd been wearing them a week straight. That was long enough for me. Plus, I really don't want to be dressed like a bum when I'm a guest in someone's home. No matter that they were comfortable.

The pants I'm wearing aren't really too bad they're just putting a bit of pressure on my bandaged leg. I do feel like putting my boots on was a mistake, bending over to pull them on and tie them up was a strain and pulled at my side.

But it felt good to do something like I always had.

It was really so strange to be a guest in someone's home. I was glad that Alice came back after I got dressed. I had been nervous to walk out alone into the house not knowing where all the Cullens were. I'm trying to not be anxious about being here. Alice has reassured me that the Cullens really do just want to help and don't expect anything of us but I can't just let my guard down yet.

It's been ten minutes since Alice left with Mrs. Cullen, Rosalie, and Edward and I keep glancing at the clock willing time to move faster.

I know that she would have stayed if I said that I needed her. I want her to do what makes her happy. I just kind of hope they aren't gone all day.

I worry about her and I don't know what to do here without her.

Carlisle

I had thought for a second that Jasper was going to ask to go shopping with Alice this morning. I was concerned that I'd have to tell him that I didn't think it was a good idea so soon. Luckily I didn't have to be Dr. Bad-guy.

He chose to stay while Alice went. It might not have been his favorite choice. Esme and I were discussing early this morning that he is without a doubt more calm and confident with Alice around. But it was the best choice for his health, he really should take it slow. Both physically and in excitement.

He's back in the world. That's what many of the soldiers say when they get home to the states. That they are back to the real world where things are so different from the alien world of the war.

Jasper seems to be out of sorts with even basic things like eating breakfast. Which might be unfair of me to say because it is his first day here.

But after learning of Jasper's terrible past I can't help but wonder if his offness is more than just a soldier's culture shock.

I hadn't been sure what the problem was at breakfast this morning. Jasper had seemed a bit unsure of it all. Like just the act of eating breakfast with us was fast becoming overwhelming.

It's wasn't until Esme asked him more than once if there was anything he'd like from the grocery store and he said no with such uncertainty that it dawned on me that he was raised in an abusive home where he probably was given no choices.

This anxiety about choices probably hadn't been much of an issue when he was in the military, the government would have made his choices for him.

Even the hospitals he'd been in wouldn't have given him as many choices as he was confronted with this morning.

I glance at him now as he leans against the bar in the kitchen looking at the clock over the stove. He looks serious and not particularly happy.

I hope that after being here a few days he'll get comfortable being in our home and relax. He doesn't need to worry about the little stuff here. The stuff like 'what to wear' and 'what to eat.' He just needs to focus on healing and we'll do the rest.

"Here's your pills and some water." I set them on the counter next to him.

"Thanks." He looks at them a moment and then swallows them. He can take some again this afternoon and at dinner. They will ease his pain but not mask it completely.

"It's a nice day out, Emmett and I are going to be doing some work outside. You can join us outside if you'd like. Of course if you'd like to read or watch some TV you're welcome to do that."

I wait for his reply as he looks unsure what to answer.

"I wouldn't mind getting outside." he decided evenly.

"Wonderful." for the second time today he surprises me. I thought for sure he'd choose to be in his room. Some fresh air will be good for all of us and I'll be able to keep an eye on him.

Emmett

"Please Emmett, could you look after Jasper while I'm out, he needs some help sometimes." That is what Alice asked me to do before she left in her small little voice with her big doe eyes.

How could I say no to a request like that. She was so sweet and sincere about it too. Gosh I like Alice she's like the little sister I never knew I wanted.

Jasper is an interesting guy, I can keep an eye out for him but I don't know that he'll let me help him with anything. Not the way he lets Alice. Anyway I think he's a pretty tough dude. One look at his scars and you can tell that.

I was really surprised when he came dressed for breakfast. I remember how uncomfortable being all stitched up was and how painful wounds are. The last thing I would have wanted when I was new out of the hospital was to get dressed in tough pants and shoes.

Maybe I could help the guy out by teaching him how to take it easy. First lesson when you're on the mend don't go getting all dressed up people will excuse you bumming around in your socks and slippers.

Carlisle is taking a phone call so I'm given the responsibility of getting things out of the garage and watching Jasper. Who is following me looking well a bit unenthusiastic.

That's fine, I get it. Being somewhere new and not really knowing people is hard sometimes "So Texas that place must be different."

"I suppose."

"You got a lot of a lot of cactus and buffalo, right."

"It's a large state lots of different plant and wildlife. But yes cacti at least."

"That's neat, really exciting like really cowboy stuff I bet. We've got a lot of deer. There are suppose to be bear in the woods around us but I've never seen one." I open the door at the end of the hall that leads to the hall and head down the steps. Jasper stops at the top, mouth dropped open.

"Yeah, I know, big right and there's another whole garage out back." I start to go dig out the garden stuff but it dawns on me that I should stop and see if Jasper can get down the stairs alright.

He does alright going down crutch and left leg then right, one step at a time, holding onto the rail so I continue.

"I know I was really impressed when Carlisle and Esme took me in. I was raised by a single mother on a shoe string budget I never knew anyone who owned more than one car let alone three. You?"

"No." he looks at the one car in the garage currently, the one Rose is working on and then around at the tools and sports equipment, I can tell he's impressed.

"They are both really good at their jobs. They make good money and they're amazingly generous. Like they took Rose and Ed and me in and they give a bunch of their time and money to charity."

I load up with stuff for working in the yard. Buckets, bag of mulch, hose, shovel, clippers.

"Hum, can I help?" he asks sincerely.

"Nah Man, I got this. I remember being out of the hospital and all stitched up."

"You do?"

"Yeah it was only a few years ago that the dog attacked me, chewed me up good. Got some nice scars of my own." I pull t-shirt sleeve up and show the scars on my shoulder made by the dog's claws. "chicks dig them right?" I smile at him but don't get a smile in return.

"Anyway man take it easy, don't want to rip any stitches."

Carlisle is already got the push mower out when we get outback. We've got more woods and moss than lawn but Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme like it looking neat.

"Emmett." Uncle Carlisle says in a tone I've heard before it's sort of shocked but not surprised.

"What?" I ask him as I drop the stuff in the yard.

"You could have made two trips." He's always trying to get me to be more practical.

"Two trips are for wimps."

Carlisle roles his eyes at me and looks over my shoulder to where Jasper's standing. He's followed me all the way out even though the ground is pretty uneven in the backyard.

"Jasper are you alright?" Carlisle asks.

He's looking out into the woods. "I am. It's just a bit different from Texas."

Carlisle chuckles.

"Great view right?" I pick the hedge clippers up off the ground where I'd dropped them. "probably closer to the jungle in Vietnam." I say. Really the worlds just kind of fell out of my mouth and I didn't think. I looked to Carlisle who looked irritated with me. I didn't mean to be rude and remind the guy about the war, it just kinda happened. In my defense we hadn't been told that the topic of off limits.

I hazard a look at Jasper worried that I've upset him and disappointed Alice. He raises an eyebrow at me, honestly I think he looks amused more than anything when he tells me that "It does a bit."

Jasper follows me around the yard as I do some trimming and Carlisle does some mowing. He doesn't say much but that's ok because I've got lots of stories to tell.

"We had to stop playing ball in the backyard cause we broke too many windows." I shook my head. "Edward can't hit straight, lots of foul ball, Aunt Esme would get so mad." actually I really did feel bad about the windows but we did try and make up for it. "Eddie and me spent a weekend digging out the bed for the lupines last time we broke a window."

Jasper got an odd look on his face. I change my wording a bit for him. Maybe they don't have flower beds in Texas. "We had to dig the ground up for the purpley flowers over there."

I gesture over towards Esme's flower beds, she really loves flowers and has quite a few now. He looks but I don't get the impression he's seen what I'm talking about.

Carlisle pokes his head up from the bed he's been weeding. "Emmett don't exaggerate, it took you and Edward a good afternoons work but no more. They dug the little flower bed by the porch Jasper."

Jasper looks at the bed then and back at me. "For breaking a window?" he asks.

"Or three." I admit.

Esme

"I'm gonna go look at swim suits." Rose announced as we entered the store and she didn't wait for an ok before heading out.

"I'm going to sporting goods." Edward tries to leave just as fast. I catch him by the sleeve. "Not so fast, Edward you stick with me for right now."

"Ahh Mom, but Rose..."

"Rose has been helpful and pleasant the past couple weeks, you have not. So you're going to stick with me and Alice." I take little Alice around the shoulders and hook my arm through Edwards. "Come on I want to look in home wares first, I'd like to look at some new throw pillows."

"Throw pillows?" Alice asks.

"The nice decorative pillows." I explain. "and then maybe some matching curtains."

Alice follows along cheerily and Edward groans.

Rose joins us in the woman's clothing department. "Could you hold this Eddie?" She adds her bag to the four I all ready have him holding. He rolls his eyes but hold his tongue.

After some looking around I hear Rose. "This would look so cute on you Alice."

Rosalie pulls a dark blue dress wit a white collar off the rack and holds it up to Alice.

"Doesn't it just suit her Mom?" Her calling me mom just gets me in all the rights spots and Rose knows just when to use it to butter me up.

"Well it is a lovely dress. Go try it on and make sure it fits."

"She'll need shoes too." Rosalie doesn't miss a beat.

"Of course, I'm sure you;ll find her the right pair. If that's what Alice would like." I look from one girl to the other. Alice looks just as excited as she could be so I don't think Rose is pressuring her. "go on then." I smile and the rush off together.

I sigh as they go, it's nice to see Rose so friendly with a girl close to her own age.

"Well do you need anything? Socks? Underwear? Bellbottoms?"

"No. No thank you." Edward makes a face. He tended to be fairly conservative with his clothes if he gets a little taller he could share clothes with Carlisle.

"Well come help me pick out some things for Jasper."

"Mom really?" I think Edwards face is going to stick permanently in this sour expression of teenage angst. He wears it so often.

"Edward..."

"He's not your responsibility. So Dad wants to bring his work home with him. That doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to feed and cloth him."

"You mean like how you weren't my responsibility?" I know it's harsh but I need for him to understand.

"That was different I was just a little kid. He's grown."

"You know what I see when I look at him, I see you and Emmett. He's the same as you boys. The only difference is circumstance. If one of my boys needed help like Jasper does I pray to God that someone out there would care for you and if I help someone else's baby boy maybe that kindness will be revisited on my own children. Some shirts and things are a small price to pay. Really, I'm happy to do it."

"Ok alright but shouldn't we be helping him get on his feet so he can get a job, an apartment and be on his own. Rather than making him comfortable in our home?"

"Of course we want him to get out on his own, like I want all of my children to be independent. Don't kick him out the door so fast Edward, have some compassion, he's only out of the hospital a day and he's not got any family to help him. Plus it's not as simple as finding him a job and an apartment. I think things might be a little more complicated than that." I look at Edward and see the wheels turning in his head. I quickly change the subject to dress socks for Carlisle. Hoping I haven't said too much.


	11. After Noon

Saturday, May 1971

Emmett

We decide to break for lunch just after noon. We've been working pretty hard in the yard and I'm already covered in dirt so taking a break sounds good to me. Food would be good too. A guy can really work up an appetite working outside.

Carlisle takes his work gloves off and puts them in his back pocket. I always thought it was funny, him wearing gloves like that. No man I'd known growing up had bothered with wearing gloves. I realize now that I'm older that he's a surgeon and that means he has to protect his hands.

He suddenly looks around like he's missing something. "Where's Jasper?" or apparently someone.

I look around too. Jasper had been following me but I'd gotten really into digging out a spot for the new Grapeholly Carlisle wanted to plant and lost track of Jasper, not that that was hard the guy barely said two words most of the day.

"I..." I don't see him but "Maybe he's on the deck."

We head to the deck off the back of the house. I don't see Jasper until we head up the steps.

He's moved one of the wooden deck chairs into the far corner where the railing meets the house. On the opposite side of the wall from the sliding door into the kitchen. It seems like an odd place to sit.

He's sitting in the chair with his left leg pulled up in front of him so I can't see much of him until I get up on the deck then I can see he's asleep.

He can't be very comfortable on a hard chair like that with his head resting on his hand. But he's probably got army training that taught him how to sleep anywhere. "I'll see if he wants some lunch."

"Don't touch him." Carlisle says quietly.

I stop and look back at Carlisle. "You don't want me to wake him up?"

"I mean it's not a good idea to touch him when you wake him up." Carlisle tells me but doesn't explain why before the phone rings in the house and he goes in to answer it.

"Ok..." I don't quite follow the logic, maybe it's a doctor thing.

When I turn back to Jasper, he's got one eye open. He looks like a pirate. His 'I just woke up don't bother me' face could give Eddie's a run for it's money.

"Hey man, you want some lunch?"

"Is Alice back?"

"Nah not yet man, knowing Rose and Esme they'll be out shopping for another couple hours at least." He looks really disappointed after getting that news. "Come on, I make a really great ham and cheese sandwich."

He nods and moves to get up.

The chair he's in isn't one of the reclining ones or anything, it's not real low. But it looks like he's in pain as he pushes up on the armrest to get up.

I quickly step into help. Taking him under the arm. Just the way I'd helped my teammate who'd sprained his knee this season.

Except Jasper flinches like I hit him when I touch him. I pull my hand back quickly. "I didn't hurt you did I? Sorry I didn't mean to." I suddenly can't remember hearing where all his stitches were, I know there were a lot. Maybe I hit something.

But I'd taken him by the left arm, that's the side he uses the crutch on.

He shakes his head no. But he looks at me with his sorta sad pained eyes and tight lips, so I'm not sure I believe him.

"Ok man, sorry." Maybe Uncle Carlisle said don't touch him because it would hurt him.

I gets his crutch from where it's slid down between the chair and the railing during my disastrous attempt to help. He accepts it from me without a word.

"hum... this way." I quickly head towards the sliding door.

I take my dirty shoes off on the deck before going into the house. Jasper follows me just a little slower than he did earlier.

I go straight to the fridge. "Aunt E's got some lemonade in here. That'll be good." I pull the pitcher out and set it on the counter and then grab the ham, swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, mustard and mayo.

I get a few glasses out and pour drinks.

Jasper hangs back by the door standing very straight, he's like the opposite of relaxed. "Come pull up a stool Sarge." I say jokingly trying to lighten the mood.

I set a glass of lemonade down on the island counter for him.

He raises an eyebrow but doesn't smile and I wonder if I just put my foot in my mouth somehow. I wish Carlisle would get finished talking to who ever is on the phone so I could get some backup here.

Jasper comes over and stands at the counter as I get plates out.

"You know." He speaks. I'm so surprised that he's talking that I turn around and the cabinet door I was closing slams.

He winces at the sound but continues. "'Sarge' is pretty informal and suggests a sense of familiarity that most actually Sergeants I've met disapprove of."

"Really?" That's confusing. I've heard it said in the movies so often that I thought that was just a given when you were in the army.

"Especially from newbies." he says the word 'newbies' like it's bad thing.

"aaahhhh... ok, good to know." I change the subject to something I'm more comfortable with. "Well I might not know about running through the jungle but I do know about sandwiches."

"Sandwiches?"

"Yeah totally, first: why choose between mustard and mayo when both is really the only way to go!" I smile at him and get a quizzical look in return.

I slice the tomato and get four slices of bread out to start making two sandwiches. Jasper has gone very quiet like erie staring into space quiet.

"Hey you ok?" I venture asking him, unsure what kind of response I'm going to get.

He blinks a couple times and stops staring. "what? Yeah." his voice sounds funny and he clears his throat.

"You were thinking real hard there." I cut one sandwich in half.

He rubs his eye with the heel of his hand. "No, you just reminded me of someone."

"That's cool, who?"

He looks at me for a long minute like he's trying to decide what he's going to say. "This soldier I knew. He just got to the party when I was re-upping."

"Was he witty like I am?" I grin as I throw a piece of cheese into my mouth.

"Something like that." he says his accent thick. His eyebrow hitches and he makes eye contact.

Oh my gosh, he suddenly looks dangerous. Like maybe he didn't spend his whole time over there pushing papers.

I swallow with a gulp.

"What happened to him?" a bunch of scary scenarios about this unknown soldier pop into my head suddenly.

I can see the thin scars slashing across Jasper's neck just above his shirt collar as he cocks his head to the side, like he's trying to remember and can't. "I don't know."

Jasper

I'm leaning against the arm chair in the sitting room. I resist the urge to rub at the ache in my side. I really don't want to show anymore weakness then I already am. So I stand back and half watching Emmett as he watches the TV and half watching the door I think Alice will come in and keep an ear out for Dr. Cullen who is elsewhere in the house.

Without warning Emmett, whose been pretty engaged with some show about a family of hillbillies living in a mansion, jumps up from the couch and announces "They're back." Making me jump.

I don't know what he heard or saw that let him know they were home but I would have liked a heads up myself.

I just can't help reacting.

I can hear Maria now chastising me for being skittish like she did many times. 'You know what is skittish mi pequeño? A mouse. Do you know what I do to mice? I cut open their bellies and leave them out in the sun where the vultures will eat out their insides. Shall I do that to you, leave you to the vultures with your guts spilling out?'

I shutter at the memory.

I start to head to towards the door because everything will be better when I see Alice.

Alice is not what comes in.

The tornado that comes through the door is like nothing I've ever seen before there are bags and people suddenly everywhere.

Then people go out and come back in with more bags and I don't think I've ever seen so much stuff in my life.

I step away from it all and try to stay out of the way.

The flurry of activity is so overwhelming that for a second I don't realize Alice is talking to me.

"Hey Jazz did you have a good day?" I'm looking at her but I'm not hearing her. "Jazz?"

She looks at me and I focus on just her and her smile and I can breath again. "Hey."

"Hey yourself."

She takes my hand. "Come and see all the wonderful things we got."

I'm really not eager to go into the kitchen where everyone now seems to be rushing around. "You'll be ok, I just want you to see before it's all put away."

I can't say no to Alice, I follow her dutifully.

There are bags on every counter surface and more on the floor and all filled with food. "Isn't it amazing?"

"Are they feeding an army?" I ask quietly but Rosalie hears.

"No, just five teenagers apparently."

I don't know why but her tone makes her seem upset about that. So far Rosalie's seemed to be fine with us being here. Has something changed?

"Oh Jasper, Alice said that you liked peanut butter so we got you some cookies." She hands me the package.

I do like peanut butter, I've never had these Nutter Butter cookies before though. I don't really know what she means by 'got you some cookies.' Do I take these? Are they just mine? Or are they all I get out of all the food? Does everything in the pantry belong to someone? This is confusing.

Rosalie snatches the cookies from my hands and before I can ask what or why she has them stashed away somewhere.

"Oh yes popsicles! Your the best Aunt E."

"Don't eat them all this time Emmett!" Edward says over his shoulder as he puts cans in the cupboard.

So maybe everyone shares.

Dr. Cullen is busy stocking the freezer. "Is there anything that needs to be left out for dinner tonight dear?" He asks his wife.

"No I picked up some fried chicken at the store. Thought we'd have that with whatever was leftover from last night. It's here somewhere. Does anyone see it? I'd like to keep it warm in the oven."

Alice jumps in to look in the remaining bags for it.

I'm stuck gaging at the thought of leftovers. I am familiar with leftovers. I remember how horrible leftovers are. I'm surprised these people with all the food they've just brought into the house would eat leftovers.

After the chicken seems to be taken care of Mrs. Cullen asks if anyone got the other bags out of the car.

I can't believe there are more bags. They've apparently been left by the stairs. "Could you get everyone their things Rose?"

Rosalie takes the task and leaves the kitchen. "Come on." Alice prompts me to follow her in the direction Rosalie has just gone.

"But she's..." I want to say she's not in a good mood but I don't really want to say it out load because I don't want to make anyone mad.

Alice shakes her head. "Everything will be fine."

I follow her. I'm at least happy to get out of the kitchen as things start clinking and banging out of the fridge and the cabinets for dinner. I would have run to follow Alice to get away from all the noise if I could have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:
> 
> mi pequeña: my little one in spanish


	12. Evening

Saturday Evening

Jasper

Rosalie is shuffling through the numerous bags at the bottom of the stairs when I follow Alice over.

"Here Alice this bag has your things." Alice takes the bag, bouncing with excitement.

"Look at this Jasper!" she pulls out a dress with a a fancy pattern and a white collar.

"It's very nice."

"There are shoes to go with it too. Rosalie helped me pick them out. Maybe after dinner I can put it all on and show you." She looks so excited. I honestly can't wait to see her in her fancy dress I'm sure she will look beautiful. she deserves to wear beautiful things.

"These are for you." Rose holds out a pile of folded, tags still on, clothes to me. The expression on her face as she does looks, curious or suspicious I'm not sure which or why.

I take the clothes from her with some trepidation.

It's odd to me that everything I'm wearing at the moment is from the Cullens, except my boots. But it's all second hand nothing newly bought. Well, the underwear might be, I don't know. These new clothes Rosalie has given me are a lot, really too much.

It might be more new clothes then I've ever had in my hands except maybe the uniform the army gave me.

Alice starts pointing things out. "Here's some socks and a new pair of track pants. These are long sleeved shirts and these couple are short sleeved. You can layer them if you want. This one with the strips is a collared shirt and there's a blue sweater."

Rosalie is watching us like a hawk and she doesn't look particularly happy.

I'm afraid it might be because my face isn't showing the emotion she expected, gratitude or excitement or something.

I just can't help but feel very serious about this, this really is a lot.

"If something doesn't fit or you don't like it give it back and we'll return it." She says curtly.

I nod. I'm not sure what to say.

Alice takes the clothes from me. "Let's put them away. You can try them on later"

I don't know that I will be trying them on or keeping them. I'm thinking pretty hard about giving them back right now.

Dinner is heating and everyone is back in the kitchen. I stand back at the threshold not wanting to get in the middle of things.

Alice of course jumps right in and takes the plates from Edward who rather than seeming irritated actually smiles at her.

I'm not sure what I should be doing. I'd like to just kind of sneak away. But I don't want to make anyone mad or upset, anymore than I apparently already have.

I can still feel Rosalie's eyes on me. I don't know what I did, I really haven't seen her since breakfast. I thought she was ok with me then.

Alice skips up beside me with silverware in hand and thrusts a bunch of napkins at me.

"Come help me set the table Jasper."

I am thankful for something to do and to get out of the kitchen.

When everyone sits down to dinner tonight there are fewer things on the table. I am surprised and relieved that everything on the table looks appetizing and not dried out or gelatinous.

Things are passed around the table again this time everyone seems a little more calm than last night.

Alice leans over to me as she passes each dish and gives me her review. Apparently she really likes the green bean casserole so I take take some of that to try.

Dr. Cullen asks if I'd like dark meat or white. I shrug my shoulders because I don't want to pick something that someone else might want.

"Well here's a leg and a breast you can start with that. Let me know if you want something else, there's plenty more." he smiles and I nod in acknowledgment.

I look at all the food suddenly on my plate and look at all the food that everyone else has. I relax some when it looks like everyone has everything they want.

Rosalie

I've been watching them interact since Uncle Carlisle first brought them to stay that night two weeks ago.

I've been swooning over the way they communicated with just looks and small touches. The way she brings a light to his eyes and how he is constantly her number one thought. I just knew the two of them had to have an epic war torn love story.

I had imagined it all. In my mind Jasper and Alice were childhood sweethearts. She had crying quietly but kept her head up when he'd come home to tell her he'd joined up. He'd looked back as he boarded the bus that would take him away to the army and promised to write her everyday.

They had written countless letters to one another during his deployment each recounting the hardship of being so long without the other. Then the fear of what had become of him during the base attack and finally the fairytale reunion with tears of joy.

I couldn't help it. The romantic fool in me just had to snoop. This afternoon while trying on clothes I'd asked Alice how she felt when Jasper left to join the army.

Her answer through the dressing room door struck me like a bolt. "Nothing. Well nothing about him joining the army, I was definitely feeling something at the time. I'm sure I would have felt something about it but I didn't know Jasper at the time."

"Really, I would have thought you knew each other. When did you meet?"

"In March."

"March? Like two months ago, March?"

"Yep and we've been together ever since."

Then while I was still coming to terms with the fact that they really just met I just had to ask her how old she was.

Sixteen, that's how old Alice is.

She's only sixteen.

And that means a couple of things.

One: it is possible for Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme to adopt her.

and Two: the part that's got me watching Jasper, or whatever his name is, as he sits in his awkward nervous way across the table from me. He's old enough for the government to consider him a grown man and she's just a girl.

I just want to make sure I've not missed anything while I've had my metaphoric heart shaped glasses on. I want to make sure their relationship is of two equals.

Alice seems so naïve and young. I don't want her to get hurt because she doesn't understand how men are.

Alice deserves someone to watch out for her.

I tune back into the conversation. It's pretty mundane. Esme is talking about our outing and Alice is talking excitedly about some of the things she saw.

She was so excited you'd have thought she'd never been to a grocery store, of all things to be excited about.

She's talking about all the things she saw there. "and I saw a magazine at the store talking about lots of people being arrested earlier this month what was that about?"

I groan internally, her question is innocent enough but she doesn't know she just woke up Edward the political monster.

Carlisle

Alice asked about the Mayday protests and the arrests that followed and the floodgate of Edward's politics opened.

I try to reign him in but apparently his been waiting for an opportunity to get on a soapbox on the subject and won't be dissuaded.

"I just think that they should have done more to come to a diplomatic peaceful solution instead of jumping in with guns and napalm."

"I'm sure they tried that tactic first, son." I say evenly.

"Edward dear maybe we should discuss something else at the dinner table." Esme tries but Edward is worked up and not ready to stop.

"I just, they just... Fighting is never the answer, it never solves anything in the long run. It will only make things worse."

"There are..." A quiet voice comes from the end of the table. Everyone's eye's snap to Jasper, we're all surprised to hear him speak up.

He looks a little shaken by the sudden shift in attention but he continues. "There are some people in this world that want what they want no matter who they hurt and no matter what you say or how long you talk they won't change their ways."

His eyes get dark, I can imagine the terrible experiences he's drawing this conclusion from and I shutter.

"So you're saying violence is the answer." Edward practically hisses.

Jasper doesn't back down. "I'm saying fighting for the lives of anyone you can save is the only answer." Jasper gazes intensely at Edward before diverting his eyes.

He doesn't quite look up at us but asks in our direction his eyes downcast. "Dr. and Mrs. Cullen may I be excused from the table?"

"Well certainly you can Jasper but aren't you hungry wouldn't you like to finish your dinner?" He hadn't eaten very much but it doesn't look like that is going to stop him.

I can feel his very palpable discomfort. I'm pretty sure everyone at the table can feel it. It is only reenforced when as soon as I give him permission to go he is up like a shot and out of the room.

His crutch left abandoned as he lurches through the doorway.

"I..." Alice looks back and forth between us and the doorway Jasper left through. "I should check on him."

"Yes do. Let us know how he is."

Alice take his crutch from where it have been leaning on the wall behind his chair.

I am really disappointed that things have gone this way. I thought I'd gotten through to Edward about things having a time and a place.

Everyone looks a bit stunned by what's just happened.

"You really messed up this time bonehead."

"Emmett, please don't call your brother a bonehead." Esme directs him softly.

"Sorry."

"I..." Edward speaks. "how was I suppose to know things would upset him this much."

I stand up. I'm not interested in continuing with dinner at the moment. "I think you should go to your room Edward."

Edward gets up from the table but doesn't go. "He comes to live with us, we've known him all of two weeks and he moves in. most of that that we've known him he was pretty much skulking in the shadows like a damn vampire. He tells us his name is Jasper and not Jack like he led us to believe. And has anyone else noticed he seems scared of us. I just don't know what to think or trust when it comes to him."

"It's not been easy for any of us, Edward. Sometimes the people worth knowing are worth working for."

"What does that even mean and you obviously know something about him and all of this that you're not telling us. Why, what's the big secret? What's so special about him."

"We've said before it's not our story to tell. Give him some time, he needs to know he can trust us."

"Yeah, you're not helping Edward." Emmett added unhelpfully.

"Shut up Emmett." Edward snaps.

I'm done talking. "Edward, upstairs now."

I step into the kitchen with Esme so we can figure out what we should do now.

Alice

"Hey you alright Jazz?"

He's sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

"I'm ok. I'm sorry Alice. I just...I just got angry. I had to get out of there. I don't mean to be mad at Edward. He's just naive."

"He is young and not had the same experiences you have. I don't think he was trying to upset you." I lean his crutch against the wall by the doorjamb and sit down next to him.

"I don't take it personally. Some day someone is going to teach him something. I just don't know that I want it to be me."

"Aw Jazz I bet you'd be a great teacher."

"You're too kind." he starts to rub a his forearm where I'm sure the stitches itch. I take his hand and hold it in mine.

"Will you come and finish dinner?"

"No I don't think so, but you should." He says quietly and he squeezes my hand lightly.

"Are you sure?" He nods. "I'll save you something."

"Thank you Alice but you don't have to worry about me." his southern draw lengthened the words he spoke.

"It's a big job but somebody's to do it."

Emmett

Everyone left and then it was just me and Rose at the table. "So this is weird."

"You're telling me."

"Hey, I know weird I had all day day with Jasper it was weird."

"Well, I spent all day with Edward Broody pants." She says like it's a competition. I roll my eyes and lean over to her.

"I've been waiting to tell you all about it all day." I as quiet as I can.

"Yeah well you won't believe what I found out." She whispers back.

"What?"

"You first."

"But, but..." Now I want to know what info she's got the suspense is killing me.

"What have you got." She insists.

"Well he was super in awe of the garage and stuff."

"Like who wouldn't be." She's unimpressed.

"No but like how I was, like coming from nothing and seeing people live like this, that kind of shocked. He didn't say much, no surprise I know. But when he did talk about war stuff he got like scary intense it was crazy. And and when we couldn't find him this afternoon he'd sat on the deck with a chair all the way pushed back in the corner so like maybe no one could sneak up on him or something and then I touched him and he scary flinched like I scared him or hurt him or something."

"interesting but not totally surprising."

"It was a surprise when it was happening, believe me. Now, what do you know?"

"Alice is sixteen."

"Noooo, really? I knew I got a little sister vibe from her. Dang."

"I know right."

"Well it could be worse."

"How's that?"

"Your new baby sister could be prettier than you."

"You Jerk!" Rose pushes me like I knew she would for calling Alice our new sister.

And speak of the devil.

Alice came back to the table without Jasper.

"Hey Alice is everything ok?" I ask her. I hate to see her looking upset.

"Jazz is fine, just a little tired right now." I nod my head, I could understand that Edward wears everyone out.

She slumps down in her seat. "I didn't mean for things to go like this." She looks around the table at all the half full plates.

"You didn't do this. Edward has a way of putting his foot in his mouth that is truly legendary." Rose clarifies.

"I just wanted Edward and Jasper to talk. I didn't want anyone to get into trouble or upset."

"Edward doesn't get in trouble." I say with a grumble. "He gets a talking to but he almost never gets grounded or anything. He's like golden boy or something. I guess he's so rarely in trouble that when he does get into trouble Carlisle and Esme figure it's a cry for help or something."

"What do you mean you want them to talk? Did you bring up the protests on purpose?" Rose stabs at her uneaten chicken with her knife as she asks. She looks kinda scary. I kinda like it.

"It's just that Jasper needs to get some things off his chest, he would really feel so much better. But he's so cautious that he won't just put it all out there. Edward is so stuck on the fact that Jasper was an enlisted soldier to talk to him and understand that Jasper wasn't over there for the reason that most of the soldiers were."

"Then why was he there?" Rose asks in her serious voice.

Alice's eyes get big. "I can't tell, I'm sorry. He'll have to tell you himself. I..." She looks around and picks up his half full glass of water. "I think I'll go back and see if he needs anything."

She hurries away, leaving Rose and I again.

"Oh my God, he was a spy!" I say louder than I mean to.

"What? that's stupid."

"no no it fits, all the secrecy, the name change, there's something about the way he stands in a room and seems to watch everyone and the exits. I'm telling you the guy was a spy."

"You read too many comic books." Rose shakes her head but I can tell she's thinking about it.

Esme

I pause outside his door and think about what I want to say. Carlisle and I decided that I should try having a word with Edward tonight.

Our youngest is always thinking. That's a good thing. I don't want punish him for that but Carlisle and I agree that he needs to practice some self control.

I take a deep breath and knock on the door. "Edward, can we talk?"

I hear him cross the floor, he opens the door and doesn't wait for me to come in. He heads back to sit on his bed and I sit down next to him.

"Mom I..." He starts but I don't let him continue.

"I don't think that it was your intent to upset anyone this evening, Edward. That being said you did upset our guest. Yes, I know how you feel about him but Jasper is a guest in this house. So to start with you will apologize to him..."


	13. Little Things

Sunday

Alice

I don't hear him moving around yet. It is still early he might not be up yet. But everyone else is up and the sun is so it's time I knock at his door. After a second I hear him moving and some muffled words so I open the door a crack and peak my into the room.

Just as I suspected he's still in bed, grumbling into his pillow.

"Morning sleepy head." I say softly and go into the room shutting the door quietly behind me.

"How are you this morning Jazz?" I sit down on the edge of the bed next to him.

He squints at me and runs his hands over his face. Blinking he comes around.

He props himself up on his elbows. His blond hair is sticking up odd angles. It makes me smile.

"Hey." He greets me in a deep, quiet, sleeply voice.

"Hey yourself." I reach out and run my fingers threw his hair.

We sit quietly a moment. It's nice. My heart is happy seeing him relaxed.

I stand up after a while and start getting things in gear. I grab a crutch from its place by the door and hold it out to him. "Up and at 'em. It's a new day, fun and excited things are going to happen."

He doesn't look so sure or particularly thrilled but he trusts me.

He gets untangles from the covers and shifts to sit with his feet on the floor.

I can see the pain in his eyes as he moves, it unfortunately this isn't surprising. He generally seems to be in a bit more pain in the morning before and now after the shrapnel is out.

My first instinct is always to want to hold him till the pain goes away. But that's not helpful. Caring for Jasper is more than just hugs and hope. So I try not to react.

Best thing to do is smile and get him up and moving.

I stand with his crutch ready to go. "Time for breakfast." I say cheerily.

"Give me a minute to change?" He asks. I understand that he wants to look presentable, but I also want him to understand that he doesn't need to do that here especially not if it causes undue pain.

I shake my head. "No, everyone else is still in their pjs you don't have to change yet."

"socks?" He asks.

"Oh yeah socks." I agree and toss him a pair from the dresser. "and slippers," I look around for the slippers that were supposedly sent with him from the hospital. I know he doesn't like them but they would be better than just socks on the hardwood floors.

"Boots?" He suggests. I don't think that's the best idea

I give him a disapproving look. "Sneakers." I compromise.

"sneakers." He concedes.

It's something silly I suppose but it makes me smile to see him bend down to put his shoes on. It's not comfortable for his especially with his incisions still healing but not too long ago I remember him being in agony after bending just the same way.

Once he's together, including the sneakers and a sweater over his t-shirt I take his hand and lead him out to start the day.

Jasper

Dr. Cullen greets Alice and me in the kitchen. Alice was right he is still in his pajamas and robe.

"Good Morning Dr. Cullen." She says as she moves right to the cabinet and gets bowls out like she lives here. Dr. Cullen doesn't seem to mind. He directs his attention to me.

"How are you this morning Jasper? Did you sleep alright?"

"Yes sir." I slept through the night so that was alright.

"Do you need me to help you with your bandages?"

"No sir."

"Have you changed them yet today"

"Not yet sir I will after breakfast." and I will, Alice will probably offer to help but I can do it on my own.

"Very good, don't hesitate to ask if you need something. tomorrow we'll go into my office in town and have a look. I think it's time. The stitches should be ready to come out."

Tomorrow, that's good. I'm a little nervous as to what that will entail but I'm ready to have them out. They itch.

"Your office?" I ask.

"Yes where you came to see me, I can take care of the stitches there, it's really just a little procedure."

I nod, I'm glad we don't have to go to the hospital.

I join Alice at the table with Emmett and Rosalie. "Hey man!" Emmett loudly greets me. I expected him to be loud so he doesn't totally surprise me.

Still, it is jarring especially in the morning. I do my best to try and be pleasant. "Morning."

I set my crutch against the wall behind my chair so it will hopefully be out of the way.

Alice pours cereal and talks animatedly about how breakfast is her favorite meal of the day. Emmett agrees with her that it is indeed 'Grrreat.'

I chuckle to myself to hear them. I've never imagined two people so carefree.

"What's so funny?" Rosalie's voice cuts through Alice and Emmett's frivolity.

I pull out my chair and sit trying not to put too much pressure on my right side too quickly.

"I asked you a question." she says pointedly when I'm settled.

I blink and look around uncertain. I thought she had been talking to someone else before.

She looks at me intently, waiting and doesn't seem like she's going to back down. "We've barely seen you crack a smile but just now you found something funny. Share with the rest of us, we like to laugh too."

She's got me in her crosshairs and I still don't know what I've done to incur her attention.

Emmett and Alice are now looking at me too.

I'm embarrassed, uncomfortable and put on the spot, I think every joke I've ever known just flew out of my head. I'm not sure what to say, I don't think Rosalie will find the truth particularly funny. But it's all I've got.

"It was just nice to hear people so happy."

Rosalie

He spoke quietly and his accent lengthened his short answer to my question. After he's finished he averts his eyes, he does that a lot I think. Not in an 'I'm lying' way. I don't think, More a 'it's too overwhelming to keep looking at you' way.

What do I say to that?

I think he's sincere.

I keep expecting bravado from him. I expected my bullshit detector would have been tripped by him by now.

He's been sincere in just about everything I've heard him say. I didn't expect that.

But after just now and last night at dinner I feel like I can relate to Sergeant Jasper Whitlock in a way I never expected.

I'm more curious now then before.

The question is, was this what being blown up did to him or was he this way before the war?

Uncle Carlisle passes through the dinning room on his way back upstairs. "Esme, Edward and I will be going to church this morning if anyone is interested in joining us we will be leaving at nine."

They go most every Sunday so it's no surprise to me. Emmett joins them sometimes. Especially if it's a donut Sunday or a special pancake breakfast Sunday.

I don't usually join except sometimes on holidays like Easter and Christmas. Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme are ok with that. They believe a person's religious beliefs are up to them.

Alice perks up about going Jasper doesn't look so sure.

"Is it a big church?" She asks.

"Biggish." Emmett shrugs. "lots of people in town go to the one we do."

Jasper

Alice wants to go to church with the Cullens. So she finished her breakfast and hurries to go get dressed.

Rosalie and I are left at the table when Emmett decides he'll get dressed too.

"Are you going to go?" I ask her. If they all go I might be expected to join. They might not want to leave me in their home unsupervised.

"It's not my thing." Rosalie sits back in her chair and drinks her orange juice casually. "Alice seems excited, are you not going to join her?"

"Not today I don't think." The idea of all the people and sitting there makes my chest tighten.

"Probably better, they've got really uncomfortable pews." She leans forward. "Would you go if Alice asked you? If it would make her happy?"

I would do anything for Alice but I've never been asked to express that to anyone else. If I say so will it sound ridiculous to Rose?

"Yes, all I want is for her to be happy." I say simply. Rose doesn't laugh.

After putting my dishes up and leaving the kitchen the first thing that becomes apparent to me is Mrs. Cullen isn't pleased with Edward.

She is standing at the steps with her younger son, her hands are on her hips and though I can't make out what she's saying to him I can tell it's in a stern tone.

Edward looks miserable. I feel the need to get to my room and away quickly.

I wonder what he did to upset her.

Edward

Last night Mom told me I have to apologize to the sergeant. Now it's morning, I'm hardly awake and she's already getting on me about it.

We're leaving for church in like ten minutes. I need to get this over with or Dad will start in on me I'm sure.

I don't know what I'm going to say to the guy. Sorry I told the truth, sorry you worked for an unscrupulous government, sorry my parents think that babying you is the best thing for your recovery.

I knock at the door to my music room.

He opens it and I think he's definitely surprised to see me.

He's in the middle of getting dressed.

I can see the bandage taped to his hip as he pulls down the t-shirt he is putting on and in only the short sleeve shirt I can see the bandages that cover his arms.

He moves away from the door I'm standing in, unaided by a crutch he walks with a painful looking limp.

I've had a couple of stitches before, I can only imagine how uncomfortable having a thigh full must be.

He grabs a long sleeved shirt from the bed and pulls it over his head quickly. He only takes his eyes off me for a second.

I suppose the army teaches that you can't trust anyone, but goodness this guy is always on guard. What's he think I'm going to do him?

"Good morning" I say much more cheerfully than I feel. This is just so awkward.

"yes." He states likes he's acknowledging that it is indeed morning.

Standing across the room from me he straightens up to his full height and puts his hands behind his back. He's taller than me but not by much.

He looks absolutely serious. I don't know if he's trying to be intimidating or if he just is... I wish he'd stop I just want to get this over with.

"I just came by to say I'm sorry about last... no wait," I can't continue with what I'm saying after I notice his shirts. I know I'm being nit picky but we're suppose to be helping the guy out, right? "what are you wearing?"

"What?" He hitches an eyebrow at me. "Alice told me I could put on the new clothes." He says like he's repeating orders from a commanding officer.

Is he concerned he isn't allowed to wear shirts that were given to him? Odd. "Yeah, no you can wear whatever you want except do you really want to look like a Christmas ornament."

"An Ornament?" He looks down at the clothes he's wearing like he's seeing them for the first time. He looks back at me with a confused expression. "I don't know what you mean."

I step into the room and he takes a step back. "It's just the shirts you've got on they're red and green,"

"They match don't they?"

"Yeah so well that they're used for like most every Christmas decoration ever. They're 'Christmas colors' you know. Do they not do Christmas trees in Texas?"

I try to make a joke but it doesn't go over, apparently this is a serious matter to him.

"I've seen Christmas trees... I just..."

"Are you colorblind? There's a kid in my grade who is and he sometimes comes to school with odd color combination on."

The color has drained from his face. "I just don't see colors real well." He says defensively.

"Yeah that's what being colorblind is."

He is not happy. He scowls down at his shirts.

I try to defuse the tension in the room. "It's no big deal..." I see some shirts sitting on the dresser. I look through them. "Here just change your over shirt this one is blue it'll look fine with the red shirt underneath."

"uh huh." He takes it from me and looks at it like he's thinking hard about it.

"Anyway." I get back to the matter at hand. "I'm sorry the way that last night at dinner went. I didn't mean to upset you." My apology is rather diplomatic I think.

He doesn't say anything, instead of excepting my apology like Emmett always does he gives me the silent treatment more like Rose and to top off our fantastically unpleasant meeting he gives me a look that sends a shiver down my spine.

Jasper

Maybe I am upset. I'm upset and tired of people who live in warm safe houses thinking they understand desperate people.

Edward looks at me like he hopes I'll say something. I don't speak, I don't want to loose mine and Alice's welcome here by giving junior a piece of my mind. I stay tight lipped.

I just want him to leave. I feel too exposed.

I look at him and he finally seems to understand that I'm done with the conversation.

He nods at me nervously and leaves quickly pulling the door closed as he goes.

I take my over shirt off once he's gone. I want to throw it, but I didn't buy it so really it's not mine. I wring it in my hands instead, which probably is no better than throwing it.

It twists just like my stomach at the moment.

Maria liked to test me. It was one of her favorite games to play.

All my life she poked and picked at me about it. 'A baby could tell the orange cup from the green one Jasper. You must just be dumb Jasper. If you can't do something so simple what will you ever be able to do mi pequeño?'

When she was really offended by the clothes I'd dressed myself in or me not getting her something in the color she'd specifically requested she'd get violent.

Not that Maria ever really needed a reason.

I close my dumb eyes trying to block out the reminders of her.

"Jazz?" Alice says through the door. I must not have heard her knock. She usually knocks. "You doing ok?"

I take a shaky breath. "Yeah I'm ok."

"Did Edward just come by here?"

"He wanted to apologize for last night."

"That was nice of him."

"Not really." I say frustratedly and pull the new blue shirt over my head shifting a bit to keep my balance on my left.

I get a crutch, I hate it but it really does help. Putting weight on my right leg isn't the sharp stabbing pain it was anymore but a pressure that aches more the longer I stand on it.

I open the door and find an angel on the other side.

My funny little angel in her new dress.

"What do you think?" She smiles and my heart melts.

"You look beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Notes:
> 
> If you don't remember Jasper being colorblind, it is in his medical record seen in Shrapnel chapter 18 and there where some very subtle things with color with the milkshakes in Shrapnel chpt 11, chpt 16 with the color coded papers, the hat Alice gives him in Chp 24 and with the flower bed in Stanchion chpt 10. I think that's it, there could be more. I tried to remember to put little things in where I could.
> 
> The stories about Maria I was trying to figure out when they were going down he was suppose to be six when she showed up in his life, the real bad stuff started after his father died when he was nine. I need to go back and edit I think there is a date wrong somewhere, I forget where I saw it though. He was under Maria's guardianship from 9-15 the stories He's thought about recently in my mind at least started when he was nine.


	14. Chevelle

Sunday

Rosalie

Everyone left for church leaving me home with Jasper.

Usually I'm alone in the house on Sunday mornings. I always like that time by myself so part of me is a little disappointed he stayed home. It hasn't been that different though. He is hold up in his room since they left. I haven't heard a peep out of him.

So it's whatever I guess.

I head to the garage to spend some time with my car. One of my favorite things to do when I have time to myself.

On the way to the garage I pass the music room. The door is slightly ajar and as I walk by I can just see Jasper sitting inside.

A thought pops in my head. It surprises me. Before I can second guess myself I'm knocking on the door.

A second passes and then I hear a him give me permission to come in.

I open the door and stick my head in. He's sitting on his bed on top of the the quilt reading. He closes his book, a comic from one of the boys, and looks surprised to see me.

"Hi Jasper."

"Rosalie." He says my name in reply.

"Hum, I'm just going to work on my car. would you like to see it?" I don't know if he's interested in cars or not but I'm curious and just feel like I need to know more about him and it seems like a good ice breaker.

He looks intently at me, like he is trying to gage what my intentions are. Then "Um, sure." He nods his head and sets the book aside as he agrees to join me.

I must admit I am a bit surprised.

"Well ok then." I smile trying to be reassuring and duck back out the door as he gets up.

It takes a minuet for him to join me in the hallway and I am surprised again when he shows up without a crutch, I think I've hardly seen him without one since that first night.

"Living dangerously?" I ask him and he just shrugs in reply. If that's what he wants to do I'm not going to stop him.

I lead the way to the garage.

The door is just down the hallway. I open it and feel myself relax. This is my space.

I flip the lights on and grab my coveralls in one well practiced motion.

He stops at the top of the steps and looks out. It's a pretty big garage, there is lots to look at. Emmett told me Jasper was impressed by it all yesterday. Now he seems to be scanning the whole space, taking it all in, I guess.

I open the hood of my baby, she's a cherry red 66 Chevelle. I grab a light from the work bench. I keep my work space immaculate, everything in it's place. It's refreshing and simple.

When he's finished looking at the garage from the top of the stairs he takes hold of the handrails and hops down the steps without putting any weight on his right side.

It's pretty impress but the move reminds me that he lived with that shrapnel tearing at his insides for months before Carlisle removed it and I cringe imagining the feeling.

The pain must have been scary for him.

He limps determinedly to the workbench, the hitch in his step happening when he shifts his weight quickly from his right leg to his left because he can't put much weight on his right. I kinda wish he'd brought the crutch with him now, it doesn't look so painful to walk when he uses it.

looks over the tools hanging on their hooks and placed on their shelves.

"This is quite the setup does Dr. Cullen let you use it often?"

"Well they're my tools and it's my set up so sometimes I let him use it but I have to walk him through changing even a tail light so he doesn't use it much."

"Oh." He says simply.

I'm a little disappointing I don't get a shocked reaction out of him that I do out of most people when they find out that the Cullen's let their daughter work with tools. I live for that look of confusion and disapproval. It fuels me.

He doesn't react, just seems to accept. I suppose I should consider that a good thing.

He leans up against the work bench and watches as I examine the engine. He seems relatively comfortable standing here with me. "How long have you been working on the Chevelle?"

So maybe he's a bit of a car guy, ok. "Not long. I got it as a birthday gift back in January."

"Wow and It's, what, a 66?"

"Yeah a 66 good eye, that was the first year they started getting more angular with the lights and the grill. I asked for a new one, the 70 looks so sharp but Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme thought I should get something a bit older that I could do some work on."

"What kind of work do you need to do to it?"

"It's in pretty good shape but I'm upgrading the engine piece by piece, It's going to purr when I'm done. Could you hand me the 1/4 socket wrench." He quickly finds it and hands it over. "Thanks." I stick my nose in the engine but keep talking.

I think it's time to redirect the conversation.

"So, how did you and Alice meet?" I hand the socket wrench back to him and grab another wrench from it's hook.

He studies the wrench in his hands like it's a lot more interesting than I know it is and I think for a minute maybe he hasn't heard my question.

"I walked into a diner to get out of the rain and she offered to share a piece of pie with me." He says like he's recounting a pleasant dream.

"Wow, just like that?" fast, I think. "Was it love at first sight?" I ask jokingly.

He's quiet for a time. When I look back at him from under the hood he's got a very thoughtful and serious expression on his face. "In the moment I felt gratitude, admiration, relief, amazement, and I loved her for that."

"Amazement?" I ask wondering if he's being a bit dramatic.

"I was amazed she wanted anything to do with me. She chose me I think. She saved me that day and she keeps saving me and I will be in her debt forever."

He's quiet again and as I'm watching him he smiles.

He's not looking at me and I feel like I've seen something I wasn't suppose to. A private smile to himself. It's so genuine and the first real full smile I've seen cross his face. My romantic's heart melts.

He looks so happy remembering his and Alice's meeting that I can't help but be happy too.

We're quiet for a while, it's a comfortable silence. I keep working. He leans against the workbench and fiddles with socket wrench's ratchet. For some reason it doesn't bother me the way I'm sure it would have if Edward or even Emmett was doing it.

I'm so in the zone, that I don't realize anyone's come home and Jasper looks surprised too when the door at the top of the steps opens.

"Hey there you are! I was looking everywhere for you." Alice appears in the doorway. The concerned look on her face leaves when she sees Jasper is ok.

"Rose was showing me her car." Jasper puts down the wrench and turns with (yet another) smile to Alice.

Alice comes down the stairs to stand next to him and see what we're doing. "This is your's Rosalie?" She says with open excitement and I can't contain my pride.

"Yes, isn't she a beaut." I wipe a rag along the fender.

"Oh yes." Alice agrees. She looks like she's going to say something else when we hear Aunt Esme calling her from upstairs.

"Coming." Alice calls back.

Jasper looks at her, he doesn't say anything but Alice answers like he did. "Mrs. Cullen said I could help her do some baking this afternoon. You can stay down here with Rosalie if you'd like, you look like you're having a good time."

He does seem to be pretty relaxed at the moment.

Alice gives him a smile and heads upstairs. the garage is quiet again. Jasper leans on the work bench and hands me tools as I ask for them.

After awhile he actually asks me a question. "What got you into cars?"

That's an easy question for me to answer. "I started working on cars and fixing things because I never wanted to be helpless." I leave the 'again' in my statement implied.

'Never again' is my mantra, it's the reason for most everything I do.

I happen to look back in time to see him grimace. I'm suddenly worried that he's been standing down here too long. "Are you alright do you need to go back inside or sit down or something?"

He straightens up. He doesn't look as pained he just looks sad. "I'm fine. I'm sorry."

His eyes fix on mine in an intense way that I can't put in context as he stands ramrod straight with a very serious air.

"For what?" I ask before turning back to the car.

"I'm sorry Rosalie for whatever Hell you went through. You didn't deserve it." I almost bang my head on the hood of the car I stand up so fast at his words.

All sorts of questions pop to mind including who am I going to have to kill for telling him my personal business.

I look at him, ready to rage, but what I see in his expression isn't pity, it is understanding and it dawns on me how he knows I've been through Hell.

"Takes one to know one Tex." I watch his face for recognition and see it there plan as day.

He nods sadly and what he said last night about people who 'want what they want' takes on a new meaning.

I wonder what kind of hell he's been through but I that would just be too much to ask.

The silence back in the garage, it's not uncomfortable but it's different, a mutual understanding that I can feel.

Alice comes back sometime later.

"You're still down here? I didn't know cars were so much fun. Mrs. Cullen and I made brownies! You've got to come try them they're just out of the oven! They look so good" She skips over to Jasper's side.

"Wow you're excited." I quip, I don't remember ever being quite that excited even about baked goods.

"Oh gosh yes, It was so neat. I got to taste the batter and it tasted so good and They smell so good!"

"Have you never had a brownie before?"

"I think I did once when I was little I think. Have you had brownies before Jazz"

"I have, one of my bunkmates shared brownies from care package he got once."

"So, neither of you has had warm brownies before?" I can't believe it. They both shake their heads and look at me like I'm the strange one for asking. "Well come on, you have to go try one."

I take my overalls off and go hang them up. Jasper moves from the workbench and limps towards the stairs with Alice at his side.

He takes the railings and goes up the steps one at a time, stepping up with his left foot and then bringing up his right. It's slower then when he came down the steps but he makes it up. Alice and I come up behind him.

I notice he hops a little when he finally makes it in the house as if he really doesn't want to put anymore weight on his injured leg. He does though and follows Alice as she leads the way to the kitchen.

I can hear Uncle Carlisle now scolding him for 'not listening to his body.'


	15. Brownies

Sunday after church

Emmett

Esme makes great brownies. She's a great baker. My mouth is watering having to wait.

Esme tells me I have to wait for everyone else before I dig into the pan. She says it's polite to wait, since we have guests as she goes to get Edward and Uncle Carlisle.

Alice runs to get Jasper and Rosalie from the garage.

I was surprised to find out they were hanging out together when we got back from church. Rosalie doesn't usually hang out with too many people. Mostly just me and on rare occasion Edward.

She'd had been giving Jasper the third degree last time I saw them so I'm equally surprised that Jasper was voluntarily spending time with Rosalie.

They didn't come up from the garage even after Alice let them know we were home so they must have been ok with one another I think as I stand guard over the cooling brownies.

"What was Aunt Esme thinking leaving the fox in the hen house?" Rosalie teases when she sees me.

"I haven't touched them, see? I'm waiting like she told me to. I am a fox though" I wink at her and Rose smiles brightly, she's in a really good mood.

Jasper actually looks pretty relaxed too. Alice is explaining that Esme told her about brownies to him 'they're cake like but not cake and different than cookies but some people make them cakey and they're similar to fudge but not.' And Jasper is listening intently to her as they come slowly into the kitchen.

"Aunt E" I say loudly,well yell really, before thinking. Jasper's attention shoots to me, whoops. I give him an apologetic smile as Alice assures him everything is alright.

"Go ahead and serve the brownies Emmett." Esme gives me the 'go ahead' I've been waiting for as she comes back in the kitchen.

I dive in with a knife and a spatula and get to it. "Corner, edge, or center?" I ask Alice first.

"I don't know. What's best?" She leans over the counter to see everything.

"Well the center is gooiest, if you like crunchy stuff the corners are the best, but they're limited you might have to fight for one, the edge is best of both." I explain, expertly if I do say so myself.

"I want a center piece." She decides.

"You got it." She grins as I pass her a big center brownie on a plate and Esme hands her a glass of milk.

"Jasper you look like an edge guy." I hand him a plate and he nods his thanks but the look he gives me makes me feel like he'll kill me with the brownie if I make a wrong move. I really probably need to try no to be so loud around him.

I know Rosalie likes the corners so that's what she gets, no one's gonna fight her for it except maybe Eddie in a moment of foolish stubbornness. Esme asks for a center piece and she mentions Carlisle and Edward are finishing up what they're doing before they come get a brownie.

I start to take my cut. Most of the right edge of the pan before Rosalie wacks my arm and I settle for taking two brownies.

The five of us stand in the kitchen eating the brownies and listening to the radio. The station is playing some older music that I know Esme enjoys.

Alice is particularly excited about the brownies "These are soooo good." She exclaims.

Jasper even looks like he likes his.

The song changes on the radio to one that I recognize and I start to serenade Esme.

"Earth angel, Earth angel will you be mine my darling dear..." I really ham it up.

The girls giggle and Esme smiles. I'm thrilled.

Alice turns to Jasper who's attention on his brownie and not on my antics. "This is the song you told me your mother really liked, isn't it?"

Alice says the first thing I've heard about either of their families and it gets all of our attentions.

"Yes." Jasper answers her before he notices we're all interested in what's being said.

Alice continues. "It came out the year you were born didn't it?" I think Jasper might actually be blushing as we all look at him expectantly.

Esme looks like she's about to say something when we all hear a bang and a commotion coming from the direction of Esme's studio.

She hesitates but decides she needs to check it out. "Excuse me I think I better go see how Edward is doing."

"What is Edward doing?" Rosalie asks irritatedly.

"Aunt Esme has him straightening in her studio as part of his being grounded." Welcome to my world Eddie.

"I can't decided if I like the brownie batter or them bakes best." Alice says as she finishes hers.

I slyly slide another brownie on her plate. "Emmett!" she exclaims, surprised and happy.

"It's the tie breaker." I laugh. I'd give Jasper another one too but is still working on his first, he's eating really slow. I think I've already had like four.

"Do you want another one, Jasper?" Rose asks him as she steps up with her plate to get seconds.

He's about to answer her but doesn't get the chance as Esme hurries back into the kitchen with Edward close behind her holding his left eye.

"I told you you had to be careful Edward." Esme says as she gets ice from the freezer and puts it in a dish towel.

"What did you do Ed make Aunt Esme mad?" I joke.

"Ha ha" he says snidely.

"I told you those sample books were awkward." Esme moves his hand so she can see. Edward's got a bruise started on his cheek just under his eye. Esme tells him to hold the ice on it.

I start to get Eddie a brownie when I hear a sound like someone's choking. I look up and see Alice at Jasper's side taking his plate from him, he's coughing and sputtering. "You ok man?"

He coughs and his eyes are watering. He looks rough. Alice puts her hand on his back. He holds his side.

Esme's attention shifts from worrying over Edward to worrying over Jasper. "Jasper dear, are you alright?" She hurries to the sink to get a glass of water and holds it out to him.

He looks from her to Edward. Edward looks uncomfortable with a choking Jasper staring at him.

Jasper finally looks back at Esme and takes the glass she's offering him. His hand is shaking as he holds it and his eyes are wide.

Everyone is quiet unsure what to do as Jasper stands in the kitchen breathing heavy and shaking.

Alice is talking to him softly trying to calm him when Carlisle comes down the hallway "What's going on?" He asks most likely because he heard the commotion Edward caused from his study.

Jasper jumps at Carlisle's voice.

I watch in what feels like slow motion as the glass Jasper is holding slips from his hands.

The glass smashes on the floor. Everyone freezes. Everyone, except Jasper who steps back instinctually with his bad leg and starts to fall.

I stand there horrified not being able to react in time but I'm on the other side of the counter.

Alice who is by his side grabs his arm and keeps him from falling. I'm so glad she was there. I don't know where his crutch is, I hadn't noticed before but he must not have had it.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he repeats before he starts to hyperventilate.

Carlisle quickly with lighting reflexes moves into action. He steps in front of Jasper. "Jasper, breathe. Through your nose, it'll help."

Rosalie moves to my side and takes my hand.

"Take a deep breath. In and then out" Carlisle keeps talking in a calm, really too calm, tone. "Can you look at me Jasper?"

I'm practically holding my breath waiting to see what happens. Jasper's eyes move briefly to Carlisle's "Good can you breath for me?" Finally he takes a slower breath and exhales.

"Are you hurt?" Carlisle asks. Jasper's eyes flick back up and then down to the ground again. I don't know what Carlisle sees but he seems satisfied. "Just focus on breathing, in and out. That's it. You're ok. You're safe."

Finally whatever kind of fit or flashback Jasper is having seems to break and he starts to breath more normally.

Carlisle speaks to him in his reassuring doctor voice. "Can you move? Would you like to sit down?"

He nods but doesn't move. "Would you like go back to your room?" He nods again.

"Alright. Easy now, you can lean on me if you'd like." Carlisle stays by his side as Jasper retreats as quickly as he can get out of the kitchen.

Alice and Esme bend down and pick up the broken glass. "Be careful dear, don't cut yourself." Esme warns solemnly.

I grab a towel.

Edward and Rosalie stand in their places still looking in the direction Jasper and Carlisle left. Rose speaks to no one in particular. "He was fine, we we're in the garage and he was fine."

We're all kind of in shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked some more angst.
> 
> I did some looking up about hyperventilation and what to do and what I put in this chpt isn't the greatest advice so please consult a doctor if that's an issue you have. I remember TV shows always doing the paper bag thing but I'm seem to recall reading that that isn't recommended so I didn't use that.
> 
> Has it been noticeable in these stories that when things are about Jasper it's a lot about feeling things and when it's Edward it's about thinking? I'm just curious.


	16. Affect

Sunday

Carlisle

When he makes it to his room he's shaky and not totally at ease but he's breathing easier.

He sits down on the bed. Bending gingerly as he holds his thigh. I hope he didn't pull any stitches. I don't think he'll let me check. He's sitting as near the headboard and as far from me as he can get.

I want to say something to him, but I don't know what happened and Jasper seems to be in no shape to tell me.

I speak, keeping my voice calm and quiet. He doesn't look at me or even acknowledge that he hears me. "I'm going to go get you some water. I'll close the door but not all the way. It will be opened a crack. I'll knock before I come back in. You're alright."

I leave him sitting on the bed his hands gripping his knees tight.

I've got some questions I need answered and I know the rest of the family must have some questions too.

Alice is there when I leave the room, she'd worried. "Give him a minuet to collect himself. Can you come help answer some questions?" She agrees hesitantly. She looks back at Jasper's closed door but follows me.

Back in the kitchen everyone looks upset. The kids all defer to Esme to talk first.

"Is he alright?" She asks with a sad and concerned expression on her face.

"He will be." I'm fairly confident that's the truth.

A flood of questions comes from the children. "What was that?" "Was that some kind of flashback?" "Did he think he was in Vietnam?"

Alice breaks through the cacophony. "I've seen him get upset before but not quite like that."

"I think he had a panic attack." From what I saw his state checked a lot of the boxes. "What was happening when it started?" It'll help if we can pinpoint a cause.

"We were eating brownies." Alice speaks up.

"Then Edward made all that noise in the studio." Rose glares accusingly at her brother.

"Hey, I didn't make it on purpose it was an accident. The stack of swatch books fell off the shelf." He takes the ice he is holding off his eye and I can see a nice bruise starting under his eye.

"Do you think the noise could have upset him? Like maybe it sounded like gun fire or something." Rose suggests.

Emmett shakes his head. "Nah he didn't start coughing till Aunt Esme and Edward came back."

"So they came in here because Edward was hurt and Esme was getting ice." I clarify.

Esme's hands cover her mouth as she gasps. "You don't think he thought I...?"

She doesn't finish her question as we look at each other and I follow her train of thought. What was an accident could have looked to Jasper like Esme had hurt Edward. "He might have, that sounds to me like a very likely cause."

"Oh my, what do we do?" This was an unfortunate set of circumstances and Esme is clearly upset.

"I'll talk to him." I get a glass of water and retrieve a pain pill that I think he's in need of.

"What aren't you telling us?" Edward looks at Esme and I, scrutinizing like he's trying to figure out what we aren't saying.

"This isn't a good time Edward."

When we won't answer him he turns to our guest. "Alice?"

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I can't" she says regretfully.

I hate to leave the conversation in stalemate but I need to get back to Jasper.

When I get back to the room he looks exhausted. Wrung out, dark circles under his eyes stand out on his pale face.

This kind of tiredness isn't unusual after the adrenaline of an attack wares off. When the body goes into fight or flight mode like that a person can actually feel like they've been through a fight. They are often tired and sore afterwards.

He hasn't moved since I left. He's still pushed up against the headboard. The only difference is that now instead of gripping his knees he's holding his head in his hands.

I set the water on the table by the bed and bend down to him "Can I check your blood pressure?" I look for any indication that he agrees. He sits up, I take that as a yes. "I'm going to put my fingers on your wrist."

I do as a say and take the count. It's elevated but not dangerously so I hand him the water and the pill. "This is just a pill for pain, the kind you've been taking." He swallows the pill and some water and sets the glass quickly back on the table carefully.

I pull out the desk chair nearby and have a seat across from him. I can see him tense and I feel bad but I think it'll be better for him if we get this talk over with.

"Do you understand what just happened to you?"

He shakes his head. "You just had a pretty textbook panic attack. Do you know what caused it?"

He looks up at me as if he's going to say but then he doesn't. Maybe out of self preservation or he doesn't trust me or maybe he doesn't feel like he can trust his voice.

"We have an idea that it might have been Edward and the black eye he got while helping Esme. It was just an accident. He was moving some things for her and a book fell down from a shelf and hit him."

He looks skeptical. Honestly I can understand. It definitely sounds like a story to cover something up and a lame story at that.

Jasper starts pulling the fabric at the knees of his pants over and over absently, worried.

He looks confused, likes he's unsure how what I'm saying and what he saw fits together. "Truly it was an accident. Esme would never raise a hand to one of her children."

He hangs his head and grips his knees again.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" I feel like he wants something but he doesn't ask he just shakes his head. "there's a couple hours until dinner why don't you rest." I draw the curtains in the room and give him a final hopefully reassuring look before exiting.

Alice

Dr. Cullen nods to me as he leaves the room.

Inside the room it's dark. The curtains are pulled and the afternoon sun has moved to the other side of the house leaving this side in shadow. Jasper looks as small as I've ever seen him huddled on the end of the bed in the dimness.

I move into the room and close the door behind me. ""Jazz? Are you alright?"

I know him. I know the hang of his head. He's not ok.

I want to him take him in my arms and take away all the pain that that woman Maria caused him. I want to hug him til he feels better and knows he doesn't have to be afraid here with me and the Cullens.

When I sit down next to him on the bed I see him shift away from me slightly. I know he doesn't want to be touched just yet.

My first instinct is to be sad but I know it's not personal. I'll be here when he's ready.

We sit quietly on the bed together in the darkening room for a while.

I think about going to church the Cullens. It was so much fun the only thing that would have made it better would have been if Jasper and Rosalie would have come with us.

We sat in a pew together and Emmett and Edward acted up like I expected brothers would. We stood to sing pretty songs with the rest of the people and we prayed.

Afterwards people all said hello and smiled. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen chatted with people and Edward told me the stories that went with the beautiful stained glass windows around the church.

I was thinking so contently about my morning that I almost missed that Jasper had slid closer to me and his shoulder was now touching mine. I move closer and he leans into me. I put my arm around his shoulders and feel them raise as he takes a rough breath.

I press my forehead against his and speak in a voice barely above a breath. "No one is going to hurt you here."

His head raises and his green eyes plead with me. "No one is going to hurt me either." I try to be reassuring.

I wish things hadn't happened the way they did this afternoon. There were so many ways it could have gone differently and Jazz would have been totally fine. I wish I could have seen what was going to happen and stopped it.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't anyone here's fault. It was Maria's fault.

Jasper leans against me and we rock gently until he's fallen asleep.

later Dr. Cullen comes to see if we want dinner only to find Jasper sleeping against me. "Can I help you move him?" He offers.

"Yes please, I'm afraid he's going to be so sore in the morning but I didn't have the heart to jostle him awake."

With his help we get Jasper laid down. I take his sneakers off and cover him with a blanket. I don't want to leave him but my stomach is growling and I have to go eat something. I watch him for a second to make sure he's not missing me and then close the door softly as we leave.

Esme is crestfallen that Jasper won't be joining for dinner when I explain that he's asleep.

Edward

Sleep isn't coming. I roll over and try to see my alarm clock in the dark. It's two in the morning. I shouldn't still be up. This is the worst.

It's just every time I close my eyes this afternoon replays. Over and over again I can hear the glass shatter and Sergeant Jasper Whitlock gasping like he can't breathe.

I turn the radio on the nightstand on low. I don't expect to hear much because it's super late but even just the static might be enough of a distraction.

The first thing that comes through on the set station is talk of the war, of course. I spin the dial in disgust. A month ago I might have listen to it. Waiting for any information I could use to denounce the war and the horrors of it.

That was before I needed to look further than the music room to find someone affected by those horrors.

He looked at me this afternoon like he was afraid for his life. I've never seen anyone scared like that before.

It wasn't haunted house or horror movie scared, where you jump but you laugh about it later. It was serious life or death fear.

A panic attack is what Dad called it.

Panicking is what you do when you're going to be late for school and you haven't finished your homework yet. What Jasper had, I think, was more like terror than panic.

And Dad seems to think I may have been part of what caused it and that just gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

How am I suppose to sleep with that in my head?

What I think is that Esme might be right that our guest needs as much help as we can give him and possibly more.

I really hope he never has to be scared like that again.


	17. Choked up

Monday Morning

Jasper

I dream about Jack. He is hopeful and strong like he'd been before he'd started getting sick. Even with bruises and scars he is brave.

In my dream he talks about us escaping. He says we can make it if we could only get a truck.

Pa's old truck hadn't run in years not more than a couple miles at a time. The tractors on the farm didn't much run either, they were rusted with striped gears.

The only vehicle that functioned was the car that Maria drove and neither one of us could fathom in even our most ridiculous and daring plans taking the key from her. Not even in a dream.

We both knew we'd never be able to get enough money to buy truck. But Jack promises if we steal one we could send the owner money later after we made some.

If we could just get a truck, him and me would be gone.

In the dream Jack doesn't bother to worry about where to get gas or food or who would come looking for us.

His only concern is that we go West to the Pacific or East to the Atlantic, he doesn't care which as long as he'd get to see the ocean.

On our own we wouldn't have to worry about anyone hitting us or starving us or other things that made us both shudder to think about ever again.

We did a lot of talking and planning Jack and I. In the dark with hushed voices. It was that small hope of something better that had kept us going, the idea that one day we would get away from Maria.

Now as I wake up slowly it feels like if I open my eyes he'll be in bed across from me just like he was when we were growing up.

It's like I can still hear him talking about the ocean but I can't make out the words anymore.

I don't want to wake up. I want stay with him. I want to make sure he's ok. I squeeze my eyes shut tight trying to hold on but the more I try the harder it is.

There's a knock on the door that sounds like a rimshot to my eardrums and my heart starts pounding in my chest. 'she's come for us' screams in my brian.

I sit up and open my eyes ready to protect my brother but when I look across the too large room there is only a piano on the other side. I feel disoriented and confused in the morning light.

A man's voice asks from the other side of the door if I'm awake. It takes a second to answer him as my brain catches up and I realize it's Dr. Cullen at the door. I'm at the Cullen's house.

I suddenly feel very alone.

"Y...yes." I answer him as I find my voice. He speaks again through the door something about getting ready and eating, I only catch every other word as I put my head in my hands.

I sit like that longer than I mean to and there's another knock on the door that sets my heart racing again. I startle when it opens, I didn't expect the doctor to come in.

"Jasper?" She comes in the room like a ray of light.

"Alice" I'm on my feet quickly eager to be nearer to her.

"Hey there." She smiles and her eyes sparkle as she laughs. "Slow down you'll hurt yourself."

"I..." I brace myself on the bed's footboard and she brushes my hair back from my face.

"You didn't have too rough a night did you?" She looks at me, her concern evident. I shake my head. I don't really remember anything but dreaming about Jack.

"I wish I could have stayed with you through the night." She looks regretful for leaving.

"I understand." It's really not appropriate for Alice as a young woman to spend the night in my bedroom. I don't want to upset our hosts, I especially don't want her to anger them for me.

She smiles at me and then moves into the room to the dresser. "You should change your shirt."

I look down at myself and realize that I'm still in the clothes I was wearing yesterday. I slept through the night in them. "Oh" I say surprised, I haven't done that since we first got here.

She gives me a bashful look. "You were out like a light yesterday evening." She explains. "I didn't want to wake you to change. Here." She hands me a couple shirts and turns around so she's not watching while I undress.

I take my shirts off and set them aside and pull on the two Alice has given me. "Ok."

She turns around and points to the sneakers by the bed. I groan but put them on. "Alright now we've got to get breakfast so we can go with Dr. Cullen to his office and get your stitches out. Yaya." She says excitedly. Her excitement is almost infectious, almost.

I follow her out of the room, taking a crutch and pausing in the doorway for one last look. One last moment in the early morning with the memory of my brother. The feeling of him lingers, I nod sadly and close the door.

Carlisle

Esme and I are in the kitchen when Alice and Jasper join us. Alice just as comfortable as can be greets us both and goes about getting her and Jasper something for breakfast. It seems she's decided they'll be having waffles rather than cereal this morning.

Jasper is her polar opposite as usual. He is uncomfortable and stands rigidly like he's afraid if he makes one wrong move things will all come crashing down on him. His reaction yesterday really brings home that that was a reality for him for most of his life.

Esme and I talked a lot last night and this morning about Jasper. Now that he and Esme are both in the same room together for the first time since Jasper's panic attack yesterday they are both wearing similar expressions of anxiety.

I put my arm around Esme's shoulders. Encouraging her with a squeeze to her shoulder. "Good morning Jasper." She says in her usual cheer tone, but her smile doesn't reach all the way to her eyes. I can tell she's nervous. I'm nervous too.

"Good morning Mrs. Cullen, Dr. Cullen." He says in his usual formal way. He does not smile but stays very serious. Nothing that is unusual for him. Esme must take that as a good sign. "Would you like some milk or orange juice?" She pulls away from me and steps closer to him on her way to the refrigerator.

Her movement couples with the toaster popping and he flinches, I hope she missed it, the devastated expression on her face tells me that she didn't.

I watch Jasper for a second holding my breath. He doesn't react anymore, it seems he's alright.

with no impending panic attack on the way I go to Esme's side. "It's ok dear." I whisper and then turn back to our guests "Here's the syrup." I put it on the island and Esme moving cautiously goes to get glasses for them.

Alice puts a plate of waffles on the island. "Here Jasper." She says and she hands him a fork. He takes it but doesn't move. "Have a seat Jazz. My waffles are nearly done."

Jasper looks around "Where is everyone?" He asks timidly.

Esme keeps a brave face and hands the juice glasses to Alice. "They're headed to school. It's their last week." She answers him keeping her tone even and quiet.

He nods and nervously fidgets with the fork in his hand.

Alice seemingly oblivious to the tension in the room sets her plate down on the counter and has a seat. "They were all pretty eager to get out the door this morning." Alice adds. "Come sit Jasper, these are meant to be eaten while they're hot." She instructs.

Jasper glances quickly at Esme and I, perhaps checking to make sure we approve, before moving from the spot he has been rooted to.

I decide to keep the conversation going and try and keep things casual. "The school year is wrapping up well. It looks like everyone is going to do well on their final grades even Emmett. He sometimes has some difficulty with his school work."

We took Emmett in after it became apparent that after his injuries his step father didn't want to deal with him and his mother couldn't afford to. Emmett is a kind good natured boy and he is smart, he just gets distracted easily.

"We're so proud of all the hard work he's done this year." Esme smiles fondly talking about Emmett. "kept his grades up and stayed on the ball team..."

Alice is looking at Esme and taking in everything she says quite happily. Jasper has his head down, he looks uncomfortable and he's sort of picking at his waffles.

Esme falters when she looks at him. I see in her eyes all she want's to do is help as she continues "Not that we'd be mad if he wasn't doing well. We'd be concerned but we wouldn't punish him. That's not how we do things... we always try to work with the children to help them however we can."

She gets a bit choked up at the end but recovers taking a deep breath.

"Excuse me, I need to get ready for my morning meeting." She says calmly and then hurries out of the kitchen.

Alice's fork stops halfway to her mouth as she watches Esme leave. Jasper puts his fork down and watches her go with his wide eyes. He's got his arms wrapped around himself.

"Everything is ok guys." I try to keep them from worrying at Esme's exit. "Jasper try and eat something so you can have a pain pill. I'll be back in a minute."

Esme is upstairs in our bedroom. "Are you alright?" I ask closing the door behind me.

"I'm fine." she tries to act like nothing is wrong but she sniffles a little. She can't hide that she's upset from me.

"Come here." I take her in my arms. I hug her tight.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to be upset I just feel like I'm messing up."

"You're not messing up. Esme, you're the best. This is truly a difficult situation. Keep being your wonderful self. Things will get better." I stroke the back of her hair as I hold her.

"Do you think he'll trust us, trust me?" I look down at her. My sweet caring wife. I don't know how anyone could stay wary around her. She could mother a mad moose if she put her mind to it.

"I think he will."

She is still misty eyed as she smiles up at me. She wipes at her eyes and puts on her game face. "We need to get moving." I know the time is getting late.

"You're right." I smile at her and lean down. She turns her face towards me and we kiss.

"Love you."

"I love you too." I kiss her once more before I really do need to grab my briefcase and get Alice and Jasper ready to head out the door.

When we get to my office the receptionist is already at her post. "Good morning Dr. Cullen."

"Good morning Linda" My receptionist eyes my followers. I know she remembers them from when they came here looking for me.

"This is Alice and Jasper I'm going to fit them in before my appointments."

"Very good, Doctor. It's good to meet you both." Linda's stern expression softens a tiny bit.

"It's good to meet you too." Alice seems happy to meet anyone new and greets Linda with a warmth that isn't reciprocated. Jasper just gets nervous. He does offer a small nod.

"Come this way you two." I usher them in and get them set up. Then I go to put my things down in my office.

When I get back to the exam room Jasper has changed into an exam gown. He and Alice are quiet, she stands next to him as he sits on the table and holds his hand.

I pull on my gloves and roll over the table with my tray of tools.

I begin by removing the bandage from the side of his neck to examine those stitches. "I'm going to start here and then look at your arms. These look good, healing well. I'm going to go ahead and remove the stitches. I need to cut the suture knots and pull the stitches out. It shouldn't be painful. It might be a little uncomfortable but you should really only feel a tugging." He nods and I get to work.

There were only a couple little incisions on his neck and so the stitches are out in no time.

Jasper doesn't seem to be in pain but he's not comfortable either. I think the wincing I see cross his face has more to do with when I touch him than when I pull on the sutures.

It upsets me that I can't put him at ease and I'm causing him anxiety. Esme and I will definitely be commiserating tonight.

If there was another way to get this done I would try it but this is the most efficient. It should be over soon.

"Ok, now your arms." I unwrap his right forearm. "These look really good, well healed." I have him lay his arm on the table as I work. I try to be as gentle as possible when touching him but it doesn't make much difference. I'm glad Alice is here she's keeping him calm.

During the surgery we tried to keep the incisions as small as we could when taking the shrapnel out.

He's got four sets of stitches on his right arm and two on his left. His skin where the stitches held it together is a bit red and raised but should look better soon. "I'm going to give you something to help with the scarring."

He shrugs. I understand his attitude. His arms, neck, and even the right side of his face faintly, are already covered with scars.

"You know Jasper some of these might fade with time." I examine the scars on his arm.

"Really?"


	18. Aching and Nagging

Monday Morning

Carlisle

"They weren't very deep cuts, so it's possible some of these scars could fade." They probably hurt like hell when they were fresh. I can imagine the hundreds of glass shared that sliced him as explosions happened all around him.

I marvel at how very lucky he was no glass or shrapnel cut an artery or pierced a vital organ. Vanity aside and apart from his leg, he'd made out a champ.

His left arm looks just as good as the right, the stitches are ready to come out and I make a quick job of it.

"Ok all done, we need to take a look at your side next. It might be best if you lie down." I stand there ready, expecting him to move, when he doesn't I grow concerned.

I start to ask whats the matter, 'why aren't you laying down?' when the trouble dawns on me.

"Do you want Alice to stay for this?"

He looks really torn. I know that he feels better with her here but I can understand his dilemma. She is a young lady she shouldn't be exposed to the more grievous of his wounds or really anything below the belt.

"Alice, would you like to stay?" I ask her.

"Yes Dr. Cullen, I want to." Alice informs us, just as I expected. She really is a brave girl.

Jasper looks pained by her decision. I look back and forth between the two of them for a second and then a solution dawns on me.

"Alright." I slide the chair from the corner over and instruct Alice to have a seat. Then I reposition the room's changing screen between her and the exam table. "There, now Jasper, you lay down with your head at this end."

He seems unsure but finally shifts to do as I've told him.

He lifts his right leg slowly up onto the table. I can see the strain on his face but he doesn't vocalize it.

I know he's in pain. The pills I have him on take some of the edge off but don't stop the ache. Despite the pain he's obviously in he's been an ideal patient. He's been so good about getting up and moving. He isn't timid about using his leg which is one of the best things for him.

Yesterday I know he stepped back on his right leg awkwardly during his panic attack and he's been more sore since.

But I really do need to commend him. He got up this morning and got going like it was just another day. He soldiers on.

He gives me good reason to be optimistic about his long term prognosis. He is strong.

That's good, he's going to need to stay strong. The lacerations may heal pretty quickly on the outside but the damage the shrapnel did inside of him to the bone and tissue needs time to heal and that kind of damage may always cause pain.

He gets settled and I get a sheet positioned around him for his modesty. Alice reaches around the screen and takes his hand. He doesn't react to her touch the way he does mine and I'm grateful that she can offer him some small comfort, he needs it.

I take a look at his side and I'm reminded at how torn up he was when we preformed the surgery.

He's got a jagged semi circle of stitches where he was stabbed through by the largest of the shrapnel. Down from those stitches is a long stretch down his thigh. Where we had to remove some larger pieces of shrapnel

These were the deepest lacerations and they look as I expected them to. "These are healing but because they are at your hip and leg where you bend and move I'm afraid they shouldn't come out yet."

He bites his lip. I know he's not happy about the verdict. "I think a few more days is what they need just to make sure the wounds knit together well. It's really for the best."

He nods and focuses on Alice's hand in his as she squeezes her hand around his "It'll only be a little longer Jazz." She says. Knowing without being able to see him through the screen that he's distressed. "They'll be out soon."

I re-bandage his leg and hip. "Go ahead and sit up. And we'll get the room back together so you can change."

He sits up and pulls the sheet around his waist. Alice and I put things back in order and then we're both at his side to help him down from the exam table.

Alice sits up front as we leave the office. I'm just going to run them back to the house, make sure they get something to eat and hopefully get back before my afternoon appointments.

Instead of taking them straight back to the house I decide on a whim to drive a few blocks and take them past the high school.

It's around lunch time and some of the kids are out in the parking lot and eating at the picnic tables on the school grounds.

Alice watches them as we go by. "Is that the high school?"

"Yes that's where Rose, Emmett and Edward are." I don't see them among the students eating outside.

"Oh wow. Can we go say hi?" Alice asks earnestly.

"Not today." There just isn't enough time before I need to be back.

Jasper looks out the window in the direction of the school looking pretty miserable. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"How far in school did you go Alice?" I ask as we continue down the road.

"I finished the work but not the tests for my freshman year."

"You didn't attend a school?" I glance at her, I know she told me she was put in the State Hospital but I guess I just always pictured her going to school with lots of other children.

"Not after I was moved from the girls home." She says sadly. "There were tutors that came to teach anyone school aged at the hospital."

"What about you Jasper?" I look at him in the review mirror. Alice offered him the front seat. He chose to sit in the back. I don't know if he was being gentlemanly or just wanted to sit further from me. He doesn't seem that interested in having the conversation now.

"I was a freshman." I nod my head, that's inline with how old he would have been two years ago. I wonder how he would feel about going back to school as a freshman. That might be out of the question. Perhaps we'll get a tutor for Jasper and Alice to get them back on track.

"What subject did you like in School Alice?" I inquire.

"I liked English literature, I love the stories, oh and... and art was always fun."

"What about you Jasper?" I look back at him again. He's starting to fidget.

"I don't know." He looks disinterested in the conversation.

He might not have been good in school. We've never talked about it before. It goes without saying that he didn't have a support system at home to help him. It's possible he had behavioral problems or found classes difficult when he was in school.

"Well was there anything you did like about school?"

"That it wasn't home."

That makes sense, sadly.

"School's almost out for the year now but you both should think about going back and finishing to get your diplomas."

"I would love to!" I think Alice would go to tomorrow if we let her, she's so excited about the idea. "and to go to an actual school that would be so amazing."

I haven't heard from Dr. Knox if he's sending Jasper's birth certificate or not but thankfully we'll have a few months to try and sort out guardianship and paperwork for both of them if Alice and Jasper decided to stay with us and go to school.

Alice keeps talking about it. "Jasper would like it I bet... It would be better Jazz better now you don't have to worry like before. Jasper loves to read Dr. Cullen. When we'd go to the library back in Philadelphia he'd spend hours reading."

I stop at a stop sign and look at Alice, she's smiling fondly back at Jasper, I glace back at him, he doesn't look thrilled that she's telling me about him. 'Just like a teenager' the thought pops into my head and I can't help but smile. For once his quiet standoffishness seems pretty normal.

"what do you like to read Jasper?" I ask trying to break through teenage aloofness to have a conversation with him.

"I don't..." He starts and I rephrase to try and get an answer that's not 'I don't know' "What was the last book you read and enjoyed?'

He thinks for a second. "the Rise of the West by William McNeill."

"Really?" I don't know what I was expecting but it was not that. The Rise of the West is over eight hundred pages, it's a scholarly work that discusses the interconnections of civilizations throughout history.

"It took a few trips to complete it." He says like it was casual reading.

"Why didn't you tell me you liked to read? I have books you can borrow." He's been reading comic books, fun I'm sure but they probably aren't as engaging and stimulating as what he could be reading.

"That's ok, I'm ok." he says indifferent.

"I'll show you my collection and if there's something you'd like to borrow you're welcome to." I'm probably getting a little too excited for him. I feel like he doesn't like a lot of attention so I try and calm down. But this is quite a revaluation. If he has an interest in anything scholarly I truly want to nurture that in him.

I glance at him in the review mirror a couple more times before we get back to the house. I wonder how else these too are going to surprise me.

Rosalie

I haven't been able to concentrate all morning. Not that English and History are really my subjects I'm much more interesting in science and shop class. But usually it's easier to pay attention. Today something is nagging me.

They've been at our house with us for like one weekend and have managed to absolutely turn everything upside down.

The normally chipper Aunt Esme just looked sad this morning. Edward who was not happy about coming to school with a shiner actually laughed when Alice offered to put make-up on it where he would have bitten my head off if I'd suggested that.

Uncle Carlisle was mostly normal but he and Aunt Esme were talking in hushed voices a lot, like they didn't want us hearing what they were having a conversation about. I know they were talking about Jasper.

I've never seen anyone have a full blown panic attack before, it was intense. I think it honestly really shook Eddie up. He was very quiet afterwards and for the rest of the night.

Emmett is now convinced Jasper the spy had some kind of government secret agent mind programming that was messing with his head.

Alice suggested this morning he read Harriet the Spy she said she'd read it at the library and thought he'd really like it because he kept talking about spies.

As much as the panic attack had startled me it wasn't what was bugging me.

I keep thinking over the events of yesterday and the thing that just was off was Earth Angel.

Not the song. It's a great song, I love it. It came out the year I was born, 1954.

So imagine my surprise when Alice said it came out the year Jasper was born.

Of course she could have just been mistaken. Just got her dates mixed up. Just heard wrong.

Just made a silly little mistake.

But part of my brain won't let it go at that.

Part of my brain wants to scream that she wasn't wrong. That Alice told the absolute truth.

But that would mean that Jasper is only seventeen and how could that be?

Emmett has his theory. "It's because the government raised him. That's why he's not got family now. He was part of a top secret government program where he was raised to be a perfect soldier. Things went wrong, the war came too soon, all the soldiers in the project were too young and not fully programmed yet. After the base was blown up the government decided to abandon the project and Jasper."

"That's not funny Emmett." Edward gets really pissy and surprisingly defensive. "He's a person not some character in a book."

"I'm just making up stories for fun Edward. Don't get mad." Emmett tries to calm Edward without success.

"Yeah well it's not fun. None of this is fun. He certainly didn't look like he was having fun yesterday."

"Well he was before you showed up." I know Emmett didn't mean that to be as harsh as it sounded. He knows he made a mistake as soon as the words have left his mouth. We watch Edward's face turn red.

"He's not a spy or a super soldier or a special forces ninja assassin."

"I never said he was a ninja..." Emmett clarifies and I wack his leg to try and get him to shut up he's not helping.

"He's colorblind." Edward blurts out unceremoniously.

"What?" I ask, how would Edward even know 's not like he's had a civil conversation with Jasper that I've seen.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Emmett asks.

"Don't you think that would be important for an assassin 'the target is wearing a red tie,' 'the data you're looking for is in the orange folder."

"oh." Emmett his playfulness squashed.

"Yeah so shut up." Edward practically hisses.

"Maybe, it's part of his training to make you think he's colorblind." Emmett says, I swear he's so good natured that he doesn't realize he's driving Edward insane.

"Ggrrrr." Our little brother growls voicing his frustration.

The bell rings and Edward grabs his books and practically runs out of the lunch room.

"Whoa, what do you think that's all about?" Emmett watches Edward go picking up his own books and things at a much more relaxed pace.

"I don't know but I think little Eddie who always thinks he has everything and everyone figured out finally found out he doesn't."


	19. Six

Monday Evening

Esme

I pull into the garage, turn off the car and just sit for a second.

It's been a long day. It got off to a rough start and never got much better. Oh Monday.

I relish the quiet of the garage. It's nice, for a second, there's no client second guessing my judgment, no snobby lady from the grocery store, no teenagers tailgating me like on main street.

'Well no one tailgating me' I think as the quiet is interrupted by three teenagers piling out the house.

"Hey Aunt E" Emmett calls. Alice is right behind him. Edward comes down the stairs and starts digging through a box of sports equipment.

I get out of the car and grab my purse and the bag from the grocery store. "Do you need any help?" Alice offers sincerely.

"No Dear. Thank you, I've got it. What are you three getting ready to do?" I ask.

Emmett starts throwing things out of one of the cabinets. "We're gonna teach Alice how to play baseball Mom. Do you know where Rose's old glove is?"

Edward looks under Rose's work bench.

"Did you ask her?" I ask the important question.

"Yeah, but she couldn't remember." Edward sighs.

I think about the last time I can remember seeing it. "Check in with the beach things we might have taken it to the beach last summer."

"Oh yeah good idea." Emmett agrees.

"How's your eye Edward." I ask. I was concerned all day, I hope he was ok at school.

"Fine." He says obviously not interested in talking about it.

"How does it look?"

"Fine Mooom."He grumbles.

"Alright alright." I concede and turn my attention to a more willing conversationalist.

"How was your day Alice?"

"It was good Mrs. Cullen how was yours." She's wearing tennis shoes and jeans and an old t-shirt of Edwards.

"It's been a Monday." I say dramatically and she and I share a look of understanding.

"Found it!" Emmett yells across the garage. Alice hops up and down excitedly.

"Mind the windows, please." I ask as they hurry out of the garage to the backyard.

"We will." Emmett calls over his shoulder as he practically skips out of the garage.

"OK." I shake my head, oh to be so young and enthusiastic.

The house is much quieter than it usually is when all the children are home, there's no radio or records playing, and I don't hear the TV.

I head to the kitchen to put the groceries I picked up for tonight down.

To my surprise I can see through the sliding door that Jasper and Rosalie are both on the back deck.

Jasper is in a deck chair that's been moved into the corner of the deck and he actually looks like he's lounging. He's reading a book. He looks relaxed. It's so different to see him actually looking comfortable for once.

Maybe getting some of his stitches out has put him more at ease.

I stopped in and saw Carlisle this afternoon and he told me about his morning with Jasper and Alice. I was sorry to hear that he couldn't remove all of the stitches today.

Rosalie is sprawled on the chaise lounge flipping through a magazine and seems quite content.

It's actually really nice to see Jasper and Rosalie so unstressed. I breath easy for a second.

After I set the groceries down I peak my head out the door. "Evening guys." I greet quietly hoping not to disturb them too much.

"Hi Aunt Esme." Rosalie waves from her reposed position. Not bothering to look up from her magazine.

Rosalie is unaffected by my presence Jasper on the other hand is worlds more concerned by my appearance.

His head is up from his book and he's suddenly sitting with his 'too straight to really be comfortable' posture. His relaxed expression becomes serious.

This is the opposite of what I wanted. I feel like kicking myself. I should have known. What could I have done though, I had to come home. Should I have not said anything? Just stayed in the house? Left them alone?

I remind myself, what Carlisle and I talked about last night, I'm not the one who caused him to feel this way in the first place.

Oh my, if I could get my hands on that woman who hurt him and give her a piece of my mind.

"Good evening Mrs. Cullen." Jasper greets with what I would call a dour expression on his face. I make sure to smile at him trying not to project the frustration going on in my head.

"I was sorry to hear that you couldn't have all your stitches out today Jasper. I'm sure they'll be out soon. Did you have a pleasant day otherwise?"

"Yes Ma'am" His answer give no hint whether he's telling the truth or just placating me.

"I see Alice and the boys are playing catch, you could move down to the two person swing down in the yarn. That would be a good place to watch them from if you wanted a better view."

"Yes Ma'am" his tone doesn't change and he gives no indication that he's interested in my suggestion.

I wonder if Jasper is at all upset that he can't play too.

"It's so nice out I was actually thinking we should eat out here on the deck tonight."

Jasper looks from me to Rosalie who's not paying much attention, back to me and I think his expression might be concern.

"That's nice." Rosalie comments about dinner. "What are we having?"

"Hamburgers and salad." I picked up some rolls and some extra vegetables on my way home.

"Nice." Rose nods in approval.

"Will you help me get the salad ready?"

"Awww Aunt Esme do I have to?" Rose melodramatically whines.

Jasper's posture some how gets even straighter and more still.

I bite the inside of my cheek and continue to keep a smile on my face.

I just know he's paying attention to everything I do. I can't just walk around on eggs shells because he may or may not be upset by something he sees. I need him to know I'm firm but fair and absolutely not violent.

"Rosalie." I say sternly. "I'll wash you chop." I make a deal.

"Alright..." Rose relents. "But I get to do the grilling."

"You'll have to wrestle the grilling tools from your father." Honestly I don't think Carlisle will be too broken up about it.

"You know I make better burgers than him." I can't argue with that.

I wash the tomatoes and take them over and set them next to the cutting board where Rose is working on some carrots. I grab the lettuce to wash next and I watch Jasper through the sliding door.

He's till sitting like a statue, his goes from tilting his head in the direction of Alice and the boys to glancing at us in the kitchen and then back again.

I'm pretty sure he hasn't turned a page in the book he's reading at least not for a while. Which is another shame because he looked like he had been enjoying it before I spooked him.

Carlisle had mentioned that he's shown Jasper and Alice the study. Apparently Jasper had been impressed by all the books but wouldn't voluntarily borrow or even look at any of them.

Carlisle said he'd picked out a couple books and left them on a table in the sitting room. I guess Jasper had been enticed and he must have liked what Carlisle picked. He got nearly halfway through the book before he stopped to watch me.

"Did you hear me?" Rosalie voice cuts through my musings.

"I'm sorry dear what were you saying?"

"Oh only that I've decided that I'm going to join a convent after graduating I imagine it'll be a lot like Sound of Music."

"Rosalie" She I shake my head at her snarkiness as I break the lettuce into a bowl.

"I was saying, I'm thinking about asking if they're hiring at the boutique on main street this summer." I knew she'd want to get a job this summer I'm not sure that's the one for her though.

"Do you really want to be stuck inside all summer? What about being a life guard or camp counselor?"

"I don't know that I want to be responsible for anyone else's life." She starts cutting the tomatoes.

"You could ask your father for a job at his office doing filing and things."

"I'd have to work with Linda." I know Linda has always been a bit stern with the children she isn't their favorite person, which means that's probably not a job Rose would consider.

"My friend Mr. Tymon, the photographer, usually does a lot of weddings in the summer I could ask him if he needs an assistant."

"That could be fun. Probably a lot of hauling stuff though." Rosalie is not a girl that shies away from hard work she just likes to have incentive.

"Yes but it probably also means getting paid to make sure the brides look their best and that the bridal party and family members are orderly and where they should be."

"That sounds promising."

"Well I'll ask him." I finish washing the cucumber and go to set it on the counter and miss. It falls to the floor. Rose grabs it and rewashes it.

"What's got you so distracted?"

"I just want to make sure..." She follows my line of sight and gets my meaning.

"Jasper's ok Mom." She tries to reassure me. "He's been pretty chill this afternoon."

I don't think he can hear me through the door but the window is open so I lower my voice. "Yes but I...I think I make him nervous."

"He's seems nervous around everyone but Alice."

"I know that's true but after yesterday..."

Rosalie cuts off my thought. "I thought Uncle Carlisle talked with him yesterday."

"He did, I just don't think it helped. He's tense around me, worse than before. You should have seen him jump this morning and just now... he acted like, I don't know, I'm someone he can't be relaxed around." I didn't intend to divulge all this to my daughter but I needed to talk to someone.

"Maybe it's just because of the panic attack he's just more jumpy." She tries to reason, but I know that's not it.

"He wasn't this afternoon, right? You said he was 'chill' it's only been sense I got home that he's been on alert."

She looks out at Jasper and her expression gets serious like his. "It's not you, you're great and you haven't done anything wrong. He's had to be cautious." Rosalie tells me like she's divulging a big secret. "He's from an abusive home."

When she says the words I am shocked. I had no idea that she knew that. Do the boys know? Has Jasper told them his story?

"How do you know about that? Did he tell you? He didn't go into detail did he?" Now I'm concerned. Not that Jasper shouldn't tell his story to the children. Honestly I believe that he should but Rosalie came from an awful home just like he did. She's done a lot of healing in the past few years and I don't want his story upsetting her. Dredging up nightmares.

I'm trying not to panic, I breath and realize she seems alright.

"It's ok, I'm ok." She says calmly. "Honestly I just knew and he sensed the same about me. We were talking yesterday but neither of us went into any detail just acknowledged that we both knew. How did you know?"

She's always been perceptive, our Rose. I'm glad to hear that Jasper didn't go into any detail. If and when he does I really would like to be ready to support the two of them, if they need it.

"Jasper told Carlisle and I some things about his past after being released from the hospital on Friday."

"Jasper and not Jack..." Things get a little more context.

"Right."

"I get that he might not want to share." Rosalie was a very private person. If anyone could understand Jasper's need to keep his story to himself it would be her.

I smile but I don't think it's a very happy looking smile.

"I just wish I knew how to better help him." I admit.

She nods tight lipped and looks once again out at the deck. Jasper must get the sense she's watching him because he looks up in her direction.

I get the hamburger out and start putting together the patties. Rosalie finishes tossing the salad.

Rosalie takes the burgers out to the grill and I hear her ask Jasper if he wants to see how the grill works.

I must admit I'm surprised when he agrees, grabs his crutch and moves to see what she's doing on the other side of the deck.

"Where is everyone?" Carlisle asks when he gets home and finds only me in the house.

"Out back, playing ball and starting the grill." I explain as he kisses me on the cheek.

"How was the rest of your day?" He asks genuinely interested.

"Oh fine, better now that you're home."

"Think the kids will be alright without us for a few minutes?"

"Well Rose is taking care of the burgers, so I suppose we won't be missed for a few minutes." I give him a sly smile and he grins.

Rosalie

"Alright with this grill you have to open the lid and turn the gas on and give it a minute and then turn the burners on. Now we wait for it to get hot." He nods, I think he follows.

He's not as interested in the grill as he is in what Alice is doing. She's throwing the baseball to Edward while Emmett watches her stance.

I'm not real concerned about him knowing the grill, I've got other things on my mind too. I cut to the chase, "Jasper, we need to talk seriously for a second."

Tbc...


	20. Seriously

Monday Evening

Rosalie

I cut to the chase, "Jasper, we need to talk seriously for a second."

He looks up from the heating grill with the same look most guys get when they hear 'we need to talk.'

"Can you cut Esme some slack." I ask him frankly.

It feels like I'm being a bit direct with him but I don't back down from spelling it out for people when I need to, that's just who I am.

"Some slack?" He asks like a soldier wanting clarification on his orders.

I look up at him, he's not as tall as Emmett but he's taller than me. I search his face trying to make sure he's not going to panic or something.

"Yeah, just a little, you don't have to like turn your back on her or anything just try and relax when she's around."

It's subtle but I see him move his crutch as he shifts back a step. It's like I've reminded him he needs to be watching everyone and he needs to get a better vantage point.

"There is nothing to worry about here."

He raises an eyebrow at me. It's a look of disbelief and it says so much.

Suddenly so much of his behavior makes sense to me.

When I first came to live with the Cullen's I was angry, hurt and scared but everything they did to help me was so different then what I'd known that it didn't take long for me to trusting them.

Jasper can't trust us. Whatever abuses he suffered made him scared that he could be hurt at anytime or for anything. So he keeps his guard up all the time.

Yesterday what was an accident looked to him like Aunt Esme had hurt Edward. How did I miss that. I continue "I promise you you're safe, Alice is safe and no one here is going to hurt you or any of us."

He doesn't look any less stressed. I can sympathized. "Look you guessed about my background so you know when I say this is a safe home you can trust me."

He looks me in the eyes with intense but brief eye contact, he seems to be looking for something. "I can't, you could be telling me..."

"What I'm being made to say?" I finish his sentence. "No just no, you don't know me very well yet but no. I wouldn't be here. I would..." I don't want to say what I'm thinking. I would rather die than be a victim again. "There's no way I would be here if it wasn't a good place, I would fight till I couldn't any fight any more."

He grimaces. I can see in his face that I've struck a nerve. "I'm sorry, I know this is a tough conversation. But honestly Esme is the nicest sweetest most caring person I've ever met in my life. I know she'd do anything for me. She didn't have to take me into her home. She probably had a really tough time with me too. I was angry when I got here but she stuck by me and believe me if you give her a chance she'll do anything for you too. I'm vouching for her"

He's quiet and obviously conflicted.

I think the grill is hot enough so I put the burgers on.

I wish I could get him to believe me. I want to tell him it's okay, that he's got every right to be cautious. I just don't know what else to say to help.

Before I figure out what to say next I hear the sound of a bat hitting a ball and a shout.

Jasper and I look up just in time to see the baseball coming straight at us but not in time to do anything about it.

In the second I have before the inevitable I throw my hands up to protect my face and close my eyes. I'm sure that this is going to be bad.

Then the ball doesn't hit, it doesn't hit me or the grill. I uncover my face and am surprised to find that the ball's been stopped about a foot from my face.

Shocked, it's like everything has stopped. Jasper holds the ball up frozen where he caught it with his bare right hand.

He blinks, takes a breath and then time starts again.

He passes the ball to his left hand, leans heavily on his crutch and shakes out his right hand.

That had to hurt. "Thank you." is all I manage to say to him as Emmett comes barreling up to us.

"Are you ok?" Emmett asks as Jasper opens and closes his fingers. "Man, that foul ball was coming straight for you guys and I thought you were done for. Holy cow my guy here has got some reflexes!" Emmett claps Jasper on the back. The same way I've seen him congratulate his teammates.

Jasper startles at Emmett's touch and fumbles with the baseball and his crutch. He hops back a step to distance himself from Emmett. Who apologizes profusely for forgetting Jasper doesn't like surprises or being touched.

Jasper looks sore and irritated. I give Em a look and he backs up a step giving us some space. I'm going to have to talk with him seriously later. He means well but just like Uncle Carlisle says he really needs to learn to think before acting.

Alice runs up the steps to the deck followed by a very guilty looking Edward.

She stands in front of Jasper looking him over. "When I saw the ball going this way. I was so scared you and Rosalie were going to get hurt."

"It's okay, we're okay." he hands her the ball.

I turn on Edward and Emmett so fast you'd think I was the one with the quick reflexes. "What were you thinking batting in the backyard? You know you're not suppose to be batting near the house. You could have done a lot of damage and I don't mean just breaking windows." I make sure they know I'm furious.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault." Alice says in a small voice. "I wanted to try pitching."

I notice that Jasper has put himself between Alice and me. He didn't need to worry I'm not mad at her, this was all the boy's fault.

Emmett speaks up "She's just learning and already she's got a slider that Eddie can only get a piece of. She could be super on the mound." He explains in defense of their stupid decision.

"I thought I'd be able to control it better." Edward adds. I glare at him. "I would have been fine if the slider hadn't surprised me." Edward backs away from me and I follow not ready to let the matter drop.

"Who do you think you are, Babe Ruth? Didn't you learn anything last time?"

"What we learned today is that Edward's no Babe Ruth." Emmett jokes. Edward doesn't find it funny and shoves his shoulder. Emmett starts to push him back.

"Boys!" Carlisle says disapprovingly as he and Esme come out onto the porch with the salad and plates.

When Carlisle scolds the guys so strongly for just a little rough housing I realize that Jasper and Alice are practically right in the middle of all of us. The guys were specifically told to take it easy around Jasper because, duh, shrapnel and pain and jumpy. Whoops.

I see Jasper start to get wide eyed, probably reacting to Carlisle's sharp tone. I move to his side the one that Alice isn't occupying "We're fine." I say causally hoping that my reassurance will keep him from panicking.

"What's going on?" Esme asks.

Jasper tenses but closes his eyes and seems to relax after a second.

Emmett animatedly tells Esme and Carlisle what happened. "We were in the back yard, teaching Alice about baseball. Edward was batting, there was a foul ball that was heading straight for the deck and Rose and Jasper and there was no time, they were done for but Jasper just reached out and caught it like it was nothing, he saved the day and the burgers."

He reminds me I need to flip the burgers.

"Are you alright Jasper?" Aunt Esme asks him. "You caught it with your barehand?"

Alice is by his side and he seems fine but I'm ready to try and distract attention away from him if I need to.

"Fine, I'm fine." Jasper takes a deep breath and answers Aunt Esme's question.

Uncle Carlisle comes around the table. "Can I take a look at your hand?"

Jasper hesitates but Alice encourages him. He holds his hand out to be examined.

Uncle Carlisle has the gentlest manor of any doctor I've ever encountered. So it's concerning when Jasper winces as Uncle Carlisle takes his hand. Maybe he really got hurt.

"Can you move your fingers?" Carlisle watches as Jasper does. "Good. Does this hurt?" Uncle Carlisle puts pressure on different parts of Jasper's hand.

Jasper looks uncomfortable but says "No." It doesn't hurt.

"You might get a bruise or be a bit sore but nothing is broken. I'll get you some ice."

I think we all let out a breath we were holding anxiously.

Jasper

I open and close my hand under the table as we eat it still has a tingly feeling. The bag of ice Dr. Carlisle gave me got melty a little while ago and Alice took it in to the sink for me. She asked me if I wanted more ice, I said no. My leg aches but that's nothing new.

Every one at the table is talking. I zone out it's sort of a buzz around me. I hear a few things: summer, patient, class, clients.

I focus on Alice. She is having a good time, smiling and laughing. I don't like that the chairs for the table out here on the deck keep us further apart than the ones around the dining room table. Alice seems really far away.

I don't mind that Rosalie has taken the seat on my left. It's actually kind of a relief having her there. I never would have figured her for an ally when we met but she's been really ok the past two days.

I pick up the burger on my plate and try it. It's on a roll that Mrs. Cullen picked up from the store today. It has some kind of fancy cheese on it called Monterey Jack. I didn't bother putting anything else on it, unlike Emmett who apparently likes all the condiments on his.

Rosalie on my left leans in "Good right." It is good, good...probably better then any I've had before.

I chew satisfied.

Across the yard a breeze shifts the leaves and draws my attention. I scan the wood line for any danger out of habit.

My attention returns to the table and I realize Emmett is looking seriously at me. An expression that I haven't often seen on his face.

"So Jasper, did you play ball in high school?" He asks, apparently he's serious about baseball. "Were you on a team?" his serious air drops as he stuffs his mouth full of lettuce.

"Emmett manors." Mrs. Cullen reminds him gently. Emmett swallows but doesn't seem phased by her attention.

"No" I answer simply. I would have loved to have played, Jack would have too.

Maria wouldn't let us have anything to do with after school activities. If she could have kept us from going to school at all I think she would have.

We got to do sports in gym class for a while. It was fun and I was good at it. All too often though I was injured, a broken finger or wrist or rib. That was never fun, I always did my best to hide it, play through any pain but that wasn't always doable and then there were questions.

I always got my hopes up when people started questioning my injuries. I hoped that they would realize what was happening and act quickly to get my brother and I away from Maria. That never happened, it always ended with them either letting the matter drop or getting just vocal enough about it for Maria to punish me into silence.

When I started high school the baseball coach had really wanted Jack and then me to play on the team. We always told him that there was too much work to do on the farm. But he and even guys on the team had been persistent.

The coach even showed up at the farm one afternoon asking to speak with Maria. He told her there were lots of boys on the team from farms, that he could work with our schedules.

She got him a glass of lemonade. She thanked him for coming and told him she'd see what she could do to work things out and then after he left we spent the weekend locked in the storm cellar.

"But you have played." He states like he knows it to be fact.

"We played a bit on base when we could." It wasn't really true baseball there was a lack of bats and gloves in the middle of the jungle.

"What position did you play." Alice asks me.

"uuumm, third base most often, I guess."

"I knew it," Emmett nods like he was there. "Gotta have good reflexes for third base. You guys should have seen it. He just put his hand up and grabbed the ball. It was awesome."

I feel awkward about this attention.

I feel Alice's hand on my shoulder.

Edward sitting across from me and looks irritated. His black eye definitely stands out on on his pale face.

He hit the ball that nearly hit Rosalie.

I wonder if he's scared of what Esme's going to do to punish him.

Emmett starts talking about playing ball this summer and Alice asks questions and generally talks like we'll still be here then.

Despite her and Emmett's enthusiasm I'm not sure what the next day will bring let alone the next month.

Tbc...

Hope you enjoyed

End notes: Babe Ruth apparently pointed to a spot in the stadium in the 1932 world series indicating he'd hit a home run to that spot and then did it. He had some good control with where the ball was being going, Edward does not.


	21. Last Day

Friday The last day of School

**Emmett**

I eat lunch like it's any other day. Cause it's lunch, best part of school. No point in not enjoying it just because it's the last day of school.

It's actually a half day. We've got lunch then one more period and then we can get our report cards and go.

Whoo hoo summer vacation here we come.

Rosalie has been ready to be done since Monday, she's totally checked out now and picking at an apple she's been eating all lunch period.

Edward looks tired, I think he's been up late a lot this week. I don't know what his deal is. He's probably bummed that we won't have school for like the next three months. Dude loves school.

I'm excited it's over. Well maybe kinda sad that this school year is over, it's been a good year. Still

summer is better and I'm gonna be a senior next year, that'll be awesome.

I finish my chicken sandwich and work on my fries and ketchup. "I think we should have a fire outback tonight." I suggest. "to like kick off vacation."

"That would be fun." Rosalie agrees.

"What about you Eddie you down for roasting marshmallows tonight?" Edward looks up from the salad he's pushing around his plate. "Sure whatever."

"Ahhh man you've got to get into the spirit of it, we've got to celebrate." I try to get him excited.

"What, being one year closer to leaving school and being forced to into adulthood?"

Apparently he's just gonna be in a grumpy mood today.

I think he's talking about being eligible for the draft and all that serious stuff again. The kid really needs to relax he's gonna give himself an ulcer.

"We've got another school year, don't worry about that Eddie. Maybe we can get the stuff for s'mores tonight. That would be awesome and oh you could put your speakers in the windows or play guitar or something. It'll be fun."

"Yeah, sure."

"It sounds like a good time Emmett." Rosalie looks at the clock and starts to clean up her things.

"Hey Rose, what sounds like a good time?" asks a cheeky Mike Newton as he walks past our table on his way out of the cafeteria.

I shake my head at him with a chuckle. I can't believe the shy freshman actually got up the courage to talk to Rosalie. Must be because it's the last day.

She turns on him and I feel bad the little guy's got no idea what he's done.

"We're you just listening to our conversation?" Rose narrows her eyes and glares at him. It's a scary look. One that would make most freshman run. Mike stands there kinda dumbfounded, like a deer in headlights.

"No, no... I was walking by and I just thought..." Mike shakes his head and has at least enough sense to back away.

"You just thought what? That I needed your two cents..." Rosalie does not like people in her business.

I pick my tray up and cut in before things get ugly. "Dude, can you believe it's the last day. Got any good plans for the summer Mike?" I keep looking at him waiting for him to answer my question as I slowly head in the direction of the tray drop off.

He looks confused for a second but finally catches on and walks with me. He gives me a weak smile.

I can hear some of kids in front of us talking about Rosalie and I definitely hear one say 'the Cullens are such snobs.'

I know some of the other kids say that about us so it doesn't surprise me.

I guess I understand where they might get that impression. But it still hurts.

I think that Edward has always been quiet and not naturally good at making friends. Rosalie when she became part of the family was so traumatized that she preferred to keep to herself and when I came along it was just kinda the norm to keep things in the family.

I sometimes hang out with the guys from the team but rarely at our house.

I just always felt like that would just be too much. I know Carlisle and Esme would probably be totally cool with me having people over but they already do so much for me I hate to ask for more from them.

So we rarely have people over. We tend to just kind of keep to ourselves. It's not that we're trying to be snobby we've just found we can relate to each other.

Other people some times don't get the drama. It doesn't help that they also natural seem to keep their distance from us, I think because our family is different.

Mike hurries off to salvage what ever self esteem he has left.

I look back to see where Rosalie and Edward are, I hope they didn't hear the other's talking about us. I'd hate for either of them to be anymore upset when we're so close to being done with these kids and school and everything for the summer.

**Edward**

The last class period is a lot of 'talk quietly among yourselves' and 'here's all the paper's I haven't handed back for the past two months.' So I sit at my desk and try to read but I can't keep my thought's from wondering.

My parents were missionaries. They tried to make other people's lives better by spreading their faith and look where it got them.

Sometimes I can't help but be bitter. Sometimes I think it must be the family curse to try to help others and get no where for it.

It's been been like four days and Emmett is still going on about super soldier Jasper theories. I had to suffer all through lunch today with it again.

For all my trying all he seems to have taken from Jasper's panic attack Sunday was he must but specially trained soldier and the baseball thing didn't help that.

I can't believe he doesn't see it. The guy is a basket case. Apparently being a soldier messed Jasper up so bad that the sight of a black eye unravels him.

It's not like I was bleeding. I can't believe a bruise could freak anyone out so bad.

I can't think what else it could have been. The stupid event from Sunday has gone through my head all week. I can't seem to shake it and I haven't come up with any other cause.

I've seen him looking at me this week. He keeps getting a dark look in his eyes when he looks in my direction. I'm seriously not sure what to make of it.

What if he's got a problem with me? What if I do something that flips him out again? What if he is some kind of miss programed super soldier like Emmett seems to think.

I don't know what I'm gonna do this summer but whatever it is I hope it's free of all this drama.

I start to turn the page in my book and then realize I don't remember anything that happen on the page I just read.

**Rosalie**

I throw my bag and school things on my bed and I head back downstairs to get a snack.

Alice and Jasper are in the sitting room. He's standing leaning on back of the tall chair. I've seen him do that before. But before Alice was sitting in the chair, this time she's not. She's on the couch. I guess standing there must comfortable for him.

I head to the kitchen but Alice pops up from the couch and gets my attention. "Emmett's in the kitchen on the phone." She says whispering dramatically.

Aaaahhhh I slow to a stop. I appreciate the warning. Emmett must have gone straight to the phone when we got in the door. I lean to get a better look into the kitchen. He's sitting on the stool by the wall phone.

"Do you know who he's talking to? He seemed really serious, well serious for Emmett when we said hi." She looks to Jasper to back her up, he sort of nods in an 'yeah I guess' kinda of way.

I sigh, I know who he must be talking to, "he's calling his mom."

"Really?" Alice asked as both she and Jasper look surprised. The circumstances with Emmett and his adoption are a little different.

"He likes to call her on holidays and stuff." I kinda dread him calling, it doesn't always go well.

"That's nice that he can do that." Alice says sweetly and naively.

Jasper looks at me with one eyebrow raised like he seems to pick up on my feelings on the matter.

I think sometimes it would have been kinder for his mother to just break all ties with him. That probably seems harsh but I hate to see Em upset and calling her always seems to make him upset.

I don't think Emmett's stepfather ever cared for him. He was another mouth to feed and a living breathing reminder that his mother wasn't the 'good God fearing' woman she tried to be.

Emmett was born out of wedlock and given the name of the man that had fathered him and then run off.

I remember seeing the way his mother looked at Emmett when he was in the hospital after the dog attack. To my ten year old eyes she reminded me of someone who wanted to runaway. Thinking back now, being nearly the age she was when she had Emmett I think she looked at him like he reminded her of her shame.

That was probably one of the reasons she gave away her parental rights to Esme and Carlisle so readily.

The thought kills me. I just can't stand anyone thinking about Emmett that way. To give him away like he wasn't wanted. That's the shame she should be concerned with it you ask me.

Her loss has definitely been my gain. Emmett is my best friend.

He comes to join us in the sitting room. His conversation wasn't long. It never is.

He looks like it was a rough one. Which is just so typical. I don't know why they can't just be supportive and happy for the ten mins he calls every few months.

He puts on a smile as he flops down on the couch in between Alice and I.

"Did you tell them Rosalie?" He asks.

"No I thought I'd leave that to you."

"OH, oh what? What do you have to tell us?" Alice asks eagerly looking between the two of us. Her enthusiasm puts a genuine smile on Emmett's face.

Jasper looks pained in the corner waiting to hear what Emmett has to say.

"We're gonna have a bonfire tonight and you're invited."

"Me and Jazz?"

"Yeah both of you, if you want to join us. I'm thinking marshmallows and s'mores and ghost stories." Emmett holds out in front of him like he's picturing the whole thing.

"Wow, really, that's so neat." Alice looks at him with big eyes like he's just told her she going to be Paul Newman's date to the Oscars or something.

"Em have you asked yet?" I bring both of them back to reality.

"Not yet but they'll be totally cool with it." He says confidently.

I roll my eyes and then happen to glance in Jasper's direction. He looks like he's stressed and worried about something.

I decide to stand up and go get the snack I was sidetracked from getting. I go around the couch on the side where Jasper is standing. "Hey, don't worry." I say to him quietly. "We've done this before, Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle will probably be cool with it."

He looks from me to Alice and back. "You'll get permission?"

"Yes, we'll ask first I promise." Jaspers cooled out a tiny bit since we talked but he's still majorly on edge especially when Carlisle and Esme were concerned.

"It'll be fun." I try to reassure him. "Come on, you want a snack? I notice you haven't opened those Nutter Butters."

"I didn't know..." He starts.

"Did someone say snacks!" Emmett jumps up. Alice bounces up on the cushions and looks over the top of the couch. They both look like eager puppies.

"Yeah yeah." I wave my hand at them. "Sit tight we'll bring some out. Come on Jasper you can help me."

Tbc...

Thank you for reading, and I love your reviews they really do help keep me going. ~mj


	22. Bonfire

Jasper

I'm not sure about hanging out with the with all the Cullen children this evening but I'll admit it's a good night for a fire. The sky is clear. The wind is still. The sound of the wood crackling as the flames catch is pleasing.

They've built a good sized camp fire, Emmett and Edward poke at it scrutinizingly as the sun sets.

I shift on the beach chair I'm sitting in and look back at the house.

We're a good distance from it, closer to the woods in an area they already had cleared as a fire pit. I look at each of the windows on the back of the house. I'm sure Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are keeping an eye on us from one of those windows. They must be.

They seemed to be fine with all this. Dr. Cullen even helped get the fire going and set up buckets of water for putting it out.

But it is still a bunch of kids with a fire I can't imagine them not watching.

Rosalie and Alice come back across the yard with the their arms full of things from the house.

Rosalie hands me a pillow and spreads the rest of the blankets and pillows around the chairs and on the ground around the fire.

Alice hands a radio to Edward who turns it on and picks a station and Emmett takes the bag of marshmallows from her.

Alice has never seen a fire like this before and she moves cautiously around it to join me.

"Wow this is so neat!" She says as she sits in the chair next to me and pulls an orange blanket that I recognize from the hospital around her shoulders.

"Did you have camp fires like this in Vietnam?" She asks me.

I answer her evenly because I know she really is curious and interested. "Not often, it was too hot and humid a lot of the time. Off base it would have been too dangerous to have a fire like this. Would have let everyone know right where we were."

I turn away from the fire which has been holding my attention and look at her. She smiles encouragingly, so I continue. "We ate what's called an MCI in the field. All canned stuff, turkey loaf, beef with potatoes and gravy, hotdogs and beans in tomato sauce. Sometimes a small fire would be used to heat the food up in the can but there were some other interesting ways to do it. Sometimes guys used a little C-4 and..."

"Dude, did you just say C-4?" Emmett calls from the other side of the fire pit. Of course he heard explosives mentioned.

Before either of us can say anything else Rosalie tells Emmett to hold still and smile.

She's got a camera out.

She takes pictures of Emmett who crosses his eyes and sticks his tongue out and Edward who groans and then heads in Alice's and my direction.

I wonder if Alice's had anyone take her picture like this before. Knowing what I know about Alice's past it's entirely possible she hasn't.

The last picture I remember having taken of me was the portrait the army took. With that picture they told me to sit up straight and look serious in my uniform. I didn't have a problem with that.

I don't know how I feel about having my picture taken now, kinda awkward, uncomfortable... scarred.

Not that I've really ever been in a position to enjoy having my picture taken but the idea of all my scars captured and printed for anyone and everyone to see makes me suddenly self conscious.

I tug at my sleeves to make sure they're down as far as they can go and pull at the collar of my shirt to make sure it's up... then I remember the scars on the side of my face and realize there's nothing I can do about them.

"Can I take your picture?" Rosalie asks us. my first instinct is to say no but I don't for Alice.

"Yes, yes!" Alice is so excited. I love seeing her so happy. Rosalie directs us to sit closer. Alice combs her fingers though her hair and leans close to me with a big smile on her face.

"Smile!" Rosalie says cheerily.

I'm afraid I can't smile convincingly right now and I don't want to grimace at the camera so I keep my expression neutral. Rosalie snaps the picture and doesn't say anything about my lack of a smile which is nice of her.

As soon as our picture has been taken Alice is out of her seat asking Rosalie if she'd show her how to use the camera. "Then I can take a picture of you and Emmett together."

Rosalie shows her "Look through here and then push this button till it clicks." Then Rose grabs both Emmett and Edward to be in the picture with her. "Come on dorks you better smile nice."

Alice holds up the camera and tells them to "Smile" just the same way she'd heard Rosalie tell us.

They do smile, happily even Edward. If Alice got them all in frame it'll be a nice photo. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen might even hang it on their wall. The thought is a bit resentful, I'm not sure where that came from.

I go back to watching the fire.

Edward and Emmett start putting marshmallows on sticks. Alice sits on the edge of her seat eager to have a go.

Suddenly something small falls in my lap surprising me, a marshmallow. I look up and Rosalie throws another at me. I catch it. They're spongy and a little sticky.

I see Alice is eating one so I taste one. It's super sweet. I can't imagine what putting one over the fire will do except melt it.

Emmett passes out the sticks already stuck with marshmallows.

"Here's to another school year down" Emmett toasts once every one has their sticks. "and to our new friends joining us." He says it in a very dramatic way that has Edward laughing til he nearly falls off of the log he's sitting on. "What? I'm trying to celebrate here." Emmett looks hurt until Rosalie tosses a marshmallow at him and he catches it in his mouth.

Emmett and the other Cullen kids stick their sticks in the fire.

Alice isn't so sure about it. "So we just hold it in the fire?"

"Yeah, you can hold them over the fire or close to it or in a flame depending on how toasted you want it. If it catches fire just blow it out. If you don't like it burnt give it to Edward he likes the burnt ones." Emmett explains.

Alice is skeptical and looks back at me too see what I think, I shrug, I'm just as unsure as she is. I get up from my chair and Alice gets up too and is at my side if I need her.

I hold my stick out to the fire. We stand there with the others and wait to see what'll happen.

Rosalie takes her marshmallows out of the fire and examines them before putting them back. I take mine out to look and find that they are actually toasting, they've browned a little on one side.

Emmett abruptly pulls his from the fire and starts blowing on it, I'm shocked to see it's actually on fire. Alice gasps and then laughs as Emmett defeated hands his stick with the burnt Marshmallow over. "One for you Edward." He says with a comically disgusted look on his face.

Rosalie takes her's out of the fire and blows on it so I do the same and Alice does too. It is melted on the inside but browned and toasted on the outside and it's hot but not overly so and it's a mess to eat but it really does taste good.

Alice bounces as she tries to eat her's before it melts of her stick.

Emmett passes out more marshmallows.

After everyone has their fill of marshmallows and marshmallows with chocolate and graham cracker, which was also very good, everyone gets comfortable.

I sit back in the chair, lean against the big pillow Rosalie gave me on my left and stretch out my right leg.

Emmett starts to tell a scary story. I start to listen but the sound of the fire distracts me. I watch the flames twist and jump and the embers fly when Edward throws another log in.

In the back of my mind a memory of a fire starts to tug. I can feel it creeping into my thoughts. I can see it... smoke rising into the sky as fires engulf the bombed out tents of the base. I can hear the shouting and the sirens and I want to go to my post and help but I can't get up off the ground...

The memory retreats when Alice grabs my arm. She apparently been scared by something gruesome in the ending of Emmett's story about a man with a hook.

Edward volunteers to tell a story next.

"It was a dark and stormy night when Mr. Smith's car broke down on a long dirt road. Off in the distance he could see the lights of a farmhouse and he set off walking. When he reached the farm house and knocked on the door he heard a dog barking and got nervous but when the door opened he was greeted by a friendly farmer, the farmer's wife and eight children. They welcomed him in and let him use their phone. The mechanic in the nearest town said he couldn't get the part need to fix the car for a few days.

The farmers being friendly neighborly folks invited Mr. Smith to stay at their home while he waited. The first night they fed him he noticed his drinking glass is a bit dirty. The oldest of the farmers daughters looked apologetic and said 'it's the best cold water can do.' Mr. Smith nodded and said nothing he knew these farmers didn't have a lot of money and maybe couldn't afford lots of hot water.

The next night at dinner he noticed his fork was dirtier then the glass the night before. The farmer's wife took it and wiped it on her apron as she said 'sorry it's the best cold water can do.' the man accepted the fork and ate and didn't say anything about it.

The next night at dinner the plate he was given was the dirtiest yet and the oldest son wiped it with his sleeve and gave it back saying 'sorry it's the best cold water can do.'

By this point Mr. Smith was a bit grossed out but didn't want to be rude so he didn't say anything to the people who had been so kind to him. The next day his car was finally ready and he had a taxi come to pick him up. He said his thank yous and goodbyes and as he headed to the car the family's dog, who he'd heard barking but really hadn't seen during his stay, ran towards him and as he did Mr. Smith heard the farmer shout. "Cold Water, Cold Water come back boy!'

"Ewww Edward" Rosalie threw a marshmallow at his head. Edward chuckled devilishly. I shake my head slightly amused.

"Wait, the dog was washing the dishes?" Emmett asks looking confused.

"Licking the dishes clean." Alice delightedly squeaks.

"Oh man that's ridiculous. Nice one Eddie." Rosalie wacks him on the arm and Emmett laughs.

"Jasper is good at telling stories." Alice announces to everyone out of the blue. I wonder why she went and did that. I feel suddenly cold even so close to the fire.

"Do you have a story you'd like to tell Jasper?" Rosalie asks. I think about just saying no but Alice nudges me with her shoulder and I can't say no to her.

I nod. I'll do it. I can do it. I know a few stories that are probably pretty good. One that always scared me as a kid that I think I can tell was "The Woman in White."

Everyone looks at me and I hesitate with all their eyes on me but I look into the fire and tell the story.

"There was once a woman who lived on the Rio Grande. The river was good to her and her people and she was taught to be good and giving like the river. She was a beautiful woman with long black hair. She loved to wear long flowing white dresses in the summer sun. Everyone loved her and she married a wealthy man who moved her to a big house in a big town.

The town was farther away from the river than she had ever been. The people in the town lived in such a way that the woman had never seen. The towns people were only concerned with themselves and their needs and getting things and pleasures fast. It was different than life on the river but she soon got used to it and hardly noticed even as she became more and more like the town's folk.

The woman was very happy and she and her husband soon had two beautiful children. The woman tried to raise her children to be kind and caring and thoughtful as she had been growing up on the river but she soon noticed that even though they were her's they were nothing like how she had been.

They were greedy and selfish and disrespectful. when she voiced her concerns to her husband and asked if they could move back to the river he laughed at her and said they had fine children who would one day be great leaders in the town like he was.

The woman listened to her husband and for a while she accepted things as they were until one day she took her children to the market and they met an old fisherman from the river. The woman greeted the old man with respect but her children laughed at him. The woman listened as the old man showed her his fish and told her of the lengths it had taken to bring in the day's catch. The children mocked the old man and his tale. The woman bought fish from the man and thanked him graciously. The children turned their noses up and said they would eat nothing from the old man.

The woman was distraught over how her children had acted and ushered them from the market but before they made it home the woman saw her husband enter a tavern with another woman through an alley door.

'What have I done.' The woman cried with anguish in the town square.

No one, not even her children asked what was the matter. Something in her mind broke and she was filled with rage furious as the rapids on the river.

That night before her husband returned for the evening she ran a bath for her children and as she bathed them she told them in a sweet voice. 'your souls are as unclean as the dust on your shoes, your hearts are as black as cold coals. I feel that even San Juan Bautista could not cleanse you of your sins in the river, chiquitos."

She took them and held them under the bath water until both of her children had drowned. Then she walked from the house and the town and walked through the night until her shoes had worn through and her feet were bloody.

She walked straight to the bank of the great river and threw herself in. Now if you're out at night you might hear her crying 'what have I done?' as she wonders with her long black hair wet, dripping, clinging to her and her bare feet bloody. Her ghost roams looking for hateful children who she thinks deserve to die like her's did."

I finish the story and realize I'm starring hard into the fire I blink and let my eyes adjust, I look at Alice.

She looks back at me with big eyes. She look shocked and so do the others.

They look at me strangely not saying anything. I start to feel uneasy, my stomach starts to knot. I didn't think the story was that scary. Not anymore scary than the one Emmett told. Nothing that should get this type of reaction.

"What?" I ask quietly hoping that Alice will clue me in. Her mouth opens to speak by she doesn't say anything.

Emmett speaks up first. "That was so freaky like you got this blank look on your face and... and you started speaking in Spanish."

Now I'm shocked. "I was?"

Rosalie has a freaked out look on her face."You know how to speak Spanish don't you?"

"Yes." I do, Maria made sure of that.

"Oh thank goodness, because I was going to be out of here so fast if you said you didn't" She looks relieved but I'm still confused.

"After she drowned the kids everything you said was in Spanish." Edward jumps in and explains.

"Oh... sorry, I guess because that's how I heard the story as a kid." When Maria used it to scare us from going anywhere.

"So what happened after she drowns the kids?" Edward is poking at the fire again as he asks.

"She, hum, drowns herself in the river and her ghost haunts the roads and drowns any kid she comes across."

"Oh spooky" Emmett dramatically whispers.

"It was a good story Jazz." Alice finally says something as she squeezes my arm. I'm glad too see I didn't spook her too badly.

I'll admit I'm kinda freaked out myself. I can't believe I was speaking Spanish and didn't know it. It's been a long time since I spoke Spanish at all let alone unconsciously.

I sit back in my chair, perplexed and move a bit wrong and get a flash of pain from my leg as I do. I bite my lip and breath through it.

Before anyone decides what we should do next we hear a howl in the distance.

"Are there wolves in the woods?" Alice asks nervously as she wraps her blanket tightly around herself.

"More like werewolves." Emmett teases.

"I hum, I think it might be bed time." Alice looks into the dark woods. I put my hand over her's, I don't want her to be scared.

"I think you're right." Rosalie agrees glancing in our direction.

"Aawww really?" Emmett whines.

"Yes really." Rosalie hands him a bucket and Emmett douses the fire.

Tbc...

Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed

This story does not have a beta so if there are any glaring errors please let me know, I try to edit as best and as fast as I can.

Notes: San Juan Bautista: Spanish for St John the Baptist, chiquitos: Spanish for small, kid, baby, little ones

The cold water story I remember hearing as a kid but I have no idea where it came from. The Woman in white is a famous legend with lots of variations I just kind riffed on that.

Soldiers in Vietnam have said that small pieces of C-4 could be lit on fire and would burn very hot and were used to heat food.


	23. First Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have a Design inspired by Shrapnel up on my Redbubble Shop. If you would like to support the author you can check out that design and my other stuff at people/mjfitz/works/21680969-shrapnel or go to redbubble and search mjfitz

Saturday afternoon

**Edward**

I look through the classifieds section of the newspaper. I'm looking for any job listings that sound good. I've never had a job before and I'm not sure what exactly to look for.

I look up from the paper and across the sitting room at Emmett. "What are you going to do this summer?"

He's stretched out on the floor playing with a slinky he must have found in the garage. "I don't know man I'll probably get a job or something." He says nonchalantly. I swear he doesn't take anything seriously.

"But what kind of job?"

"I don't know something." Emmett shrugs like he can't be bothered about it.

I go back to the classifieds. I hope the Sunday paper has more listings in it tomorrow. Practically all there is in today's is a listing for fisherman to work on a boat, and ads to learn to be an electrician.

I don't think either of those is what I want to do with my summer.

I'm scanning the next page when Rosalie comes into the sitting room on a mission, followed closely by Alice but no Jasper. I wonder where he is. I haven't seen him since we put the fire out last night.

"Emmett... will you take us to town?"

"Sure, what's up?" He asks Rosalie.

"I want to get my pictures developed and Alice wants to go."

"Sounds good. I can do that." He smiles and gets up off the floor. He is always so ready to do whatever Rose asks him. He hands the slinky to Alice who looks fascinated by it.

"Just got to get my keys." He checks his pockets, turns around in a circle looking . Not finding them in the sitting room he heads to the table by the front door.

"You want to go, Edward?" He asks over his shoulder.

A lot of the time I don't mind going into town with Emmett and Rosalie but today I'd prefer to stay here and figure out my job situation, rather than follow Rosalie around all afternoon.

"You left your keys on the kitchen counter and no I'm kinda busy." I call from my spot on the couch.

"You worry too much Edward." Emmett calls back and then we hear "found them!" a second later.

"What are you worried about Edward?" Alice asks me as she stretches the slinky out to arms length.

"I want to find a job for the summer." I explain.

Rosalie rolls her eyes at me. "Goodness Edward it's only the first day of summer vacation you really don't need to stress about it."

"Yeah you don't need to stress you've already got something lined up." Mom already talked with Mr. Tymon the photographer and he agreed to bring Rosalie on as his assistant at least for a trail run.

"Dude it's the summer after your freshman year Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle aren't going to pressure you to get a job yet." Emmett says as he comes back to join us and I know it's true but...

"I just want one."

"Did you ask Uncle Carlisle about working with him?" Rosalie asks.

"No."

"Well... do that." She says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

I give her a at her a contentious look but honestly I hadn't thought about it but I bet I could do that. Working at Dad's office probably wouldn't be too bad for a summer job.

Rosalie ignores my snarky look and instead turns to Alice "Where's Jasper? Does he want to go with us?"

"Go where?" Jasper who hadn't been here a second ago is suddenly right behind Emmett making all of us jump.

"Dude where'd you come from?" Emmett asks with a hand over his heart like he'd been really startled.

Jasper shrugs. I think there's a hint of a smirk on his face and I get the impression he's kind of satisfied with making us or at least Emmett jump for once.

It looks like he had a rough night. We all had a late night, we were out at the fire pit until after midnight but he's kind of pale even for him. His hair is sticking out in different places and his shirt definitely looks already worn I think. Maybe he just woke up.

"Do you want to go into town with us Jazz?" Alice asks him as she shifts the slinky from one hand to the other.

"Will it be a long trip?" He asks like he might actually consider going.

"No, not like last weekend." Rosalie explains. "We're going to drop off my film to the photo kiosk at the grocery store. It's totally a drive through in the parking lot so we won't even have to get out of the car."

Jasper looks like he's weighing his options and he actually shifts his weight from his good leg to his crutch and back again as he does. "Hum sure ok." he surprises all of us again I think when he makes up his mind to join them.

"Great, let's go!" Emmett says excitedly. I see him consciously make the decision to not put his hand on Jasper's shoulder. I'm impressed he actually thought about it and stopped himself. He turns and waves at me instead.

"Have fun job hunting Eddie." I'm tempted to throw one of Esme's decorative pillows at him but he hurries out of the room before I get the chance.

**Rosalie**

It's a little rainy today, which is typical around here, no big deal. I grabbed my raincoat to take with me and make sure Alice has one to use just in case. Emmett is going without a coat, he's not bothered.

Jasper has chosen to wear his army coat. I haven't seen him in it since he and Alice first showed up. Aunt Esme got it dry cleaned, I guess he hasn't really gone out since getting it back.

It's kind of a shock, the visual reminder that he was really a soldier in the very real war.

Maybe it's good Edward isn't with us he might have had something to say about the blatant display of 'military propaganda.' or something.

We head out to Emmett's Jeep Wagoneer. It's four door and pretty big we could have totally fit Edward in if he'd wanted to come with.

"Jasper you can sit up front. There's more leg room. Alice and I can sit in the back." I tell him as we near the car.

He looks like he's going to decline my offer so I can sit up front. "I don't have to..."

"It's all good dude." Emmett assures him.

Jasper looks serious, I'm not really sure why, as he heads to the front passenger seat.

We all climb in, I sit behind Jasper and Alice gets in the back on the driver side.

I notice Jasper gets in but doesn't close the door, he's looking around like he's trying to find something.

"What do you need?" I ask him and then I see he's holding his crutch and realize he's trying to figure out where to put it.

"Here I'll put it in the back." I hold my hands out. He hesitates like he doesn't want to let it go but passes it back and I maneuver it to the trunk space behind me. He's got a look on his that I can't tell if he's upset or just nervous about something.

With the crutch away, he leans out to grabs the door. Alice leans forward. "Can you get it ok Jazz?" He nods though he looks like he's having some difficulty. The door slams shut. I can imagine the wince on his face as it does.

Oh, I didn't think about the door being on his sore side. I make a mental note, if he'll let me I'll close his door for him next time.

With everyone settled in Emmett backs out of the driveway.

Alice is looking out the windows the whole ride to the store asking about everything and everyone we pass.

We get into town and people are out enjoying their Saturday. Even with the drizzly weather there are lots of people on the side walk. Alice wants to know about all of them.

Emmett and I try to answer all of her questions but there's so many and we really honestly don't know everyone. Seriously I don't know what Mr. Merrill's dog's name is.

Jasper is quiet but I can tell he's looking around and checking everything out too.

"Oh who is that, I love her dress!" Alice points out a pretty girl in a pink dress outside of the post office.

"She was a senior this year, Catie..." Emmett starts but can't remember her last name.

"Kirk." I fill in the blank. "She played on the volley ball team I think."

"That's right Catie Kirk. Didn't her brother die last year in the war?" He asks.

"Yes." I say somberly, Catie and Jim where older then me but I remember it being a big deal when he died because so many people at the school had known him. I see Jasper's shoulders drop in the seat in front of me. Alice must see it too, she changes the subject very deliberately.

"Jasper did you see all the film Rosalie has? You didn't take them all last night did you Rosalie? There must be so many pictures."

"Yeah, I've really not stayed on top of getting them developed this year. I've got like four rolls to drop off today. I think I've got pictures here from my birthday all the way back in January."

"ooohh, What did you do for your birthday?" Alice asks another question. The girl is just dying to know everything about everyone. She so excited though that I don't really mind.

"Emmett, Aunt Esme, Uncle Carlisle, and Edward and I, all went to Seattle. We went to dinner and then saw a performance of Camelot, the musical." It was a really great night, it was my best birthday ever.

"Camelot that's like a play right, with songs and dancing? Wow, that sounds so amazing. Was it fancy, did you dress up?" Alice has a big smile on her face.

Emmett groans "I had to wear a suit and the play was boring."

"No it wasn't and you liked it, admit it." He can't lie I know he liked it.

"Maybe." He admits.

"Maybe, right, you were humming songs from the show all the next week."

"It was stuck in my head I couldn't get it out." He whines and I roll my eyes. I know he's being silly.

"When's your birthday Alice?" I ask her.

"It's, well, sometime in August I think." She says a bit bashful.

"Sometime?" I ask unsure what that could mean.

"It's just I was found in Biloxi Mississippi on August 25th as a baby." She tells us. "but I wasn't just born at the time. The ladies at the orphanage said I was a least couple weeks old so I was born sometime in August probably. I guess I could celebrate on the 25th."

She pauses for a second thinking. "Growing up at the girls home they always just had a celebration for all the birthdays in a month at the beginning of the month so I guess I always really celebrated on the 1st of August."

I don't know what to say. I had no idea Alice had grown up in an orphanage, I was pretty sure she was a runaway, but wow, I wouldn't have guessed all that. Though it did make some sense thinking back about all the things Alice hasn't seemed to experienced before.

Jasper shifts in his seat and reaches back to to offer her his hand to hold, she takes it and smiles timidly at him.

Emmett looks in the review mirror. "Hey, that means you get to decided when you want to celebrate it this year. That's cool and we're birthday buddies cause mines August 30th." Emmett's always so good at finding the bright side of things.

Alice's thoughts seem to go a mile a minuet as Emmett's enthusiasm inspires her. "I can can't I? That means I can pick the best day for my birthday, don't worry Emmett I won't make you share your day. I'll pick a day all my own."

"When's your birthday Jasper?" I ask him curiously. He looks back at me over his shoulder and seems surprised like he didn't remember he had a birthday.

"Oh hum, it's... April...April 29th."

Alice's content expression falls "You mean it's past and you didn't even tell me?" She seems disappointed by this news.

I don't know what happen but what was suppose to be a fun little drive has really taken an intense turn.

**Jasper**

I'm distressed by how upset Alice is about missing my birthday. If I'd known back in April that it would upset her this much I absolutely would have mentioned it.

"It's been so long since I celebrated it" I try to explain but can't find the words to express just how there wasn't celebrating anything with Maria.

I have a vague memory from before Maria of having cake with my parents and Jack but I can't remember if it was my birthday or his.

"I guess I just didn't think about it."

"I understand." She gives me a small nod and I wish I was in the back seat with her. Maybe if we were closer and had more privacy I could explain it better.

"Probably not a lot of time for birthdays when you're fighting a war." Emmett comments.

"No." I say simply and don't elaborate.

Gosh, even if I had grown up celebrating it, my birthday wouldn't have been on my radar this year. Things were pretty rough at the end of April, even though Alice made had made me happy, I really hadn't been feeling well at that point.

"It just means you'll have to have a big party next year to make up for all that you missed." He turns and smiles at me like he's had a great idea. I look skeptically back at him.

I think I hear Alice actually sniffle a little like she's trying not to cry and my heart aches for causing her to be sad.

Alice keeps hold of my hand. I sit leaned over so I can reach her it's just kind of an awkward position. It feels like all I can do at the moment though.

Tbc...

Happy Reading! do check out the design I think my readers will like it. I made it so I could get it on a notebook so I can start writing notes for part 3


	24. First Day Continued

Saturday Continued

Rosalie

"Emmett pull into the diner will you?" I lean up over his shoulder and point ahead to the right to where I want to go.

"Yeah ok what do you need?" Emmett asks me, I can see he's frazzled by the mood in the car too.

"I'm getting hungry. I think we all could use some food." If nothing else it'll get me out of the car for a couple minuets.

Emmett pulls into a parking spot out front. I unbuckle and hop out.

"Come on Alice." I wave for her to join me. "We'll be back in a second guys."

Alice and Jasper look at each other and both decide together with out a word, she lets go of his hand and follows me into the restaurant.

These two are so testing my 'I don't get mushy in public' rule.

I'm hoping my little idea will work and Alice will stop being sad and Jasper will stop looking like a kicked puppy.

When we get inside I drag Alice over to the pastry display straight away and start looking at all the pies and cakes and things. "Which one do you think Jasper would like?"

"What? Which? Why?" She's not paying any attention. She's looking over her shoulder back towards the boys with a sad look on her face.

"Which piece?" I prompt her and she finally realizes what I'm looking at. Spinning in the display is carrot cake and cherry pie and oh, apple.

"He likes apple right?" She nods her head enthusiastically.

"We'll get a piece of that, my treat. It's not exactly cake and ice cream..." I scrunch my nose up in what Emmett calls my 'thinking face.' "we'll get milkshakes and some fries too." I decide.

Alice blinks at me. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you seem so upset about missing his birthday." like more upset than would be normal.

"It's just birthdays are important, right? And everyone should be celebrated, you know. He hasn't had that, I know and I was taking care of him and I would have celebrated if I'd known cause he's amazing and I just we were just trying to get by day to day in April he was getting worse and it probably would have meant so much to him I wish I'd known."

"I get it, I know what It's ok, lets order."

Emmett

Rosalie and Alice go into the dinner and Jasper and I sit in the jeep and wait. The birthday thing got more intense then I saw coming. Jasper is nervously with the zipper on his jacket.

It's a really cool jacket. It must be the one he had in the jungle, it looks like it's been threw it.

Jasper looks tired. At the end of last night he seem kinda of bewildered. It was interesting hearing him tell his story last night. I was half expecting him to be horse today he talked so much last night.

"What did you think about the bonfire?" I ask real casual like.

"It was a good fire." He answers about the actual fire.

"Yeah, totally," I chuckle at his literalness. He kind of reminds me of Eddie for a second. "but did you have a good time hanging out at the fire?"

"Hum it wasn't bad."

"I had a good time, it was cool hanging out with you and Alice. I'm glad you joined us." I mean it, I had fun and it was cool having Jasper and Alice there. I really like them.

"hum yeah."

"So what were you saying about C-4 last night?"

Jasper

The US entered the War in Vietnam in 1965 when I was eleven years old. We talked about it in school and heard about it on the radio but it didn't touch my life. I'm sure that there were people in my town who had loved ones in the war but I didn't know them.

I was too busy trying to survive to think about anyone else's troubles.

When I was in Vietnam I saw people die and I saw people mourn and their loss reminded me of mine and I felt it like it was my own and it hurt.

Now I'm in a little town called Forks Washington and I have found the war is here too.

I feel sad for the people like the girl in the pink dress who've lost family in the war and I find myself worried for families like the Cullens who might have to send a son to fight.

It's a lot to take in.

Emmett is curious, and enthusiastic and I feel like I'd like to go back to bed.

"C-4...It burns really hot when you set it on fire and it was used by some soldiers to heat food."

"Did you use C-4 for cooking or for blowing stuff up man?"

"I don't really want to talk about that stuff." I clasp my hands and intertwine my fingers to try and stop my nervous fidgeting.

I wish Alice would get back, I'd like to hold her hand again.

"Yeah I get that, sorry. It's just interesting."

"I know." I don't look at him I look ahead to the diner. I have a feeling he's looking at me wondering if he's said something wrong.

"So how come you know Spanish?"

"Lots of people speak Spanish in Texas." It sounds more defensive to me than I mean to.

"Oh yeah, that makes sense, did you, like, learn in school?"

I can hear Maria telling me to call her Madre and I cringe. "I... just learned it." I say softly.

"Really? I've never been good with foreign language, maybe you could give me some pointers I'm gonna have to take it next school year. I really need to pass the class this time. Did you speak it at home?"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Oh... sorry? I didn't think..." He's confused, I don't blame him. It's a subject most people would probably happily talk about. It is a nice language but it's tied to too many bad memories for me. I just don't want to talk about it right now.

I try to think of something to say, something easy. "I liked the s'mores."

"Yeah they're good right." He takes the prompt to talk and fill the silence which is fine with me.

Emmett is still talking about different types of graham crackers and the merits of milk chocolate when Alice and Rosalie finally come back out of the restaurant.

"Here you go guys." Rosalie hands Emmett two milkshakes through the car window, he passes one to me and takes a bag from her. She takes one of the milkshakes from Alice. The girls get in the back seat.

I turn back to Alice and see she looks much happier than when she left. I'm relived that she's not as upset as she was. She opens the bag she was holding.

Emmett asks me if I want any fries and holds the bag he has out to me, I look back at him and then hear a match strike behind me which surprises me and I look back to find Rosalie precariously sticking a lit match in the slice of pie that Alice is holding.

I'm confused and apparently so is Emmett. "What's that for?" he asks.

Emmett

"For Jasper." Alice giggles.

"Ohhh" I nod in understanding.

"For me? Why?" Jasper asks confused.

"Because they didn't have candles." Rosalie grumbles.

Alice holds it up to him and he still looks confused. Maybe they don't do birthday cakes and candles in Texas.

"Make a wish and blow it out." She explains.

"Why?" He looks downright befuddled now.

"Make a wish dude." I encourage him.

"For your birthday Jazz." Alice says with a big grin.

He hitches an eyebrow, thinks for about half a second and then blows it out the burning match. Rose claps for him as she and Alice start singing 'Happy Birthday' I join in and it doesn't sound to bad.

I think I see Jasper's face start to redden, I think he's actually blushing, The dudes ears even turn red. But he's seems pretty good spirits too.

"hum... thanks." He says quietly with a smile.

We sit in our parking spot and eat. As I finish my milkshake a sign in the diner window catches my eye. "I'll be right back." I run inside real quick before we head out.

Rosalie

Well that went ok after we got past the initial confusion. Apparently Jasper didn't grow up blowing out birthday candles. I didn't blow out lots of candles before moving in with the Cullens either.

Everyone settles down and is calmer after food. I'm glad the mood has changed for the better.

We pull up to the kiosk and Emmett knows the attendant Bobby from the ball team. I think he might have been in my math class but I don't know "Hi Emmett what can I do for you?"

I hand my rolls of film to Emmett who passes them through the window to bobby "We're just dropping these off to be developed."

"Ok, how long do you want to wait for them we can do one hour development."

Yeah that would be great but after our trip to the diner I don't have an arm and a leg to pay for four rolls to be developed in an hour.

I hand Emmett some cash "two weeks."

"She'll take the two weeks."

"Ok then." Bobby starts to put the film in the envelop and get us wrung up. The wagoneer is high enough for Bobby to see in "Who's your friend Emmett?" He asks about Jasper. "Don't think I've seen him around before."

Emmett answers as if he doesn't hear anything accusatory in what Bobby said. "This is Jasper he's a friend of the family."

I get ready to tell Bobby a thing or two.

"Jasper uhh that's cool man." Bobby holds up a peace sign and Jasper nods at the gesture. I relax slightly.

"here's your ticket, keep that for when you pick up the pictures and here's your change. What are you doing this summer Emmett?"

"Just got a job at the diner."

"Groovy"

Alice

I feel like I'm buzzing with all the excitement from the day. I could have road around with Emmett and Rosalie all day but Rosalie did tell Jasper it would be a short trip out.

I am glad for his sake that we've come back. He looks pretty tried. He hasn't said anything but I think last night wore him out.

I'm so proud of how he's put himself out there for the other's to get to know him.

When we get in the door I think Jasper might head straight for his room but we can hear Mrs. and Dr. Cullen talking with Edward in the kitchen and we both head in that direction as it seems to be partially about us.

"Edward, I can take you with me on Monday morning and have Linda show you what I'd like for you to do. I've checked my schedule and I can get Jasper in just after noon. Esme can you drop him and probably Alice off?"

"I'm meeting with a carpenter at 11, It was the only time he could fit me in and I don't know if I'll be finished in time."

"Maybe Emmett can..." Edward suggests.

"Hi everyone." I greet them

"What's up, what do you need me to do?" Emmett asks as he follows right behind Jasper and I into the kitchen.

"Can you drive Jasper and Alice to my office Monday by 12?" Carlisle asks. Jasper looks pained. I know he hates to be a bother.

"I'll have to check my schedule." Emmett smirks.

"You have a schedule?" Edward narrows his eyes at Em.

"I will tomorrow when I pick it up, I got a job." I think Emmett's practically puffed up like a proud peacock. I wasn't sure what he was doing when he got out of the car and ran back into the diner. Even Rosalie had no clue when Jasper and I look to her for an explanation.

"You got a job?!" Esme exclaims surprised.

"The diner needed someone for the kitchen, I figured I'd try it."

"Well, that's very good, Emmett." Carlisle seemed to approve.

"It's good to try things." Esme agreed.

"And they just gave you a job?" Edward was irked.

"What can I say people like me."

Tbc...

Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing.


	25. Stitches and Screens

Author's Note: Thank you for reading. Please make sure you've read Chpt 24. Shameless promotion: If you're on Instagram my username is mjfitzarrow and I've got some illustration from this story up now. I also sell artwork including a design for this series on my redbubble artist name MJFITZ

Thank you to the Reviewers! Keeping me on my toes. Shout Out can be found at the End of the chapter!

Monday

Alice

Emmett drops us off at Dr. Cullen's office at 10:45 right before he has to be at the diner for his first shift. I wished him luck. Emmett said he didn't need luck, that it was all about skill. I think he might have been trying to convince himself of that, but I don't think he's got anything to worry about.

We can't see Dr. Cullen for about an hour or so because he's got lots of people to see this morning. Linda directs us to take a seat in the waiting room.

Jasper has been quiet this morning even around just me. He's antsy. I know he's anxious to have his stitches out, he's probably a bit nervous too. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He's gripping his crutch in front of him and looks very serious.

"Do you want a magazine?" I glance at the choices on the table next to me. "They've got Better Home and Garden, Sport's illustrated, and Reader's Digest..."

"No," He says and then adds "thank you."

"What are you thinking about Jazz?"

"The first time we were here."

We're actually sitting in chairs across from the ones we sat in that first time we came to see Dr. Cullen. It's been a month since then but it feels like it's been a year or six.

So much has changed. We are worlds away from where we were then. Even sitting here fidgeting in the same worn coat Jasper is different. He's healthier and stronger.

Personally, I can't remember a time I've ever been so happy. I feel like here with the Cullens and Jasper I'm finally where I belong.

He leans his crutch against the wall and sits back. I grab the Reader's Digest and hold it out so he can see it too, if he wants.

There are other patients in the waiting area this morning. They move to the back exam rooms when they're called back one by one. The waiting room clears out and gets so quiet I can hear a clock that's ticking behind the receptionist's window.

The one lady that's left with us looks over the magazine she's reading to look in our direction. I notice and smile at her. She quickly looks back down.

Jasper raises an eyebrow at me when I huff in response to her. I shrug and go back to flipping through the magazine I'm looking at.

I elbow him when I realize he's narrowed his eyes at the lady.

A little after noon Dr. Cullen sticks his head out the door to the exam rooms and tells us to come back with him.

Jasper grabs his crutch and stands. He indicates for me to go first and follows close behind.

Once he's changed and settled in the exam room Dr. Cullen and I put together the same set up as last time. I sit behind the screen and hold Jasper's hand as Dr. Cullen examines his stitches at his hip and thigh.

"Lets take a look," Dr. Cullen says. I hold my breath waiting for the verdict. "These look excellent Jasper. These can come out today."

I squeeze his hand excitedly and I feel him squeeze mine back. Relieved I relax back into my seat.

Out of the corner of my eye I suddenly see movement and realize that sitting all the way back I can actually just see passed the screen. I start to adjust my seat when another movement catches my attention and before I can stop myself I turn and can just see stark white sheet and skin.

I bite my lip to keep quiet.

I'm not actually seeing anything scandalous. The sheet is well placed and Dr. Cullen's hands at work are really what I see the most of. But I've never actually seen the wound at Jasper's side. Not in the hospital or in the months in Philadelphia.

I saw one of the pieces of shrapnel that came out of him and I saw the pain it cause it but I hadn't seen the damage it did with my own eyes til now.

I'm taken by how angry and painful it looks.

There's older raised jagged scars the shrapnel caused during the bombing and the hasty stitching that the army medics did. Between the raised scars are places where his skin looks pulled and even thin. Then there's the rows of Dr. Cullen's stitches.

The newer wounds have neat precise stitches in long rows overlapping the older scars. The newer wounds are halfway healed but they still look raw to me.

I want to ask Dr. Cullen how he thinks they look better when all I see looks like it hurts.

I watch as he snips and tugs out the stitches one by one. I have the urge to hold Jasper close and never let him go.

Dr. Cullen continues to work, "Jasper, you need to remember even though these are coming out you are still healing. So you still need to take it easy. I do think you've been doing well so just keep doing what you've been doing."

I've known since I met him that he's tough. It's just after actually seeing how injured Jasper was I have a better sense of how tough he is. He continues to astonish me.

After another minute Dr. Cullen announces "That's the last one."

Jasper sighs with relief.

I realize, only after I let go, that I've had Jasper's hand in a death grip. Whoops.

When he sits up and is situated he looks a little pale but smiles at me. "Thank you Doctor."

"Yes Thank you Dr. Cullen."

"You're Welcome." He takes his gloves off and puts them in the bin and collects his tools and things. "Jasper go ahead and get dressed and then both of you come join me in my office."

Once the doctor is gone I help Jasper down from the exam table. He gets his feet under him and straightens up gingerly testing his side. "How do you feel?"

"Ok." He nods content.

I'm still picturing the tangle of scars at his hip and I wince as he grabs his crutch and limps behind the screen to change.

It takes a little while for him to get his clothes back on. Ever sound he makes sounds like he's in pain to me. I want to go and help him. I have to keep reminding myself that he is perfectly capable of putting his own clothes on.

When he comes out from behind the screen the color has returns to his cheeks. He brushes his hair back out of his face and I don't mean to get all sappy but I'm so happy and "Can I have a hug?"

He looks at me quizzically and then gets a bright lopsided smile, he looks kind of bashful and it's cute. "Of course."

I wrap my arms around him gently and he sets his crutch against the wall and hugs me tight.

"Thank you for being wonderful," He says.

"It's my pleasure."

Carlisle

Jasper and Alice join me in my office a few minutes after I left them. "Won't you have a seat?" I direct them to the chairs in front of my desk.

Alice takes a chair, Jasper remains standing. He positions himself behind her chair.

I've noticed he does that around the house too. I get that he might choose to stand because it might be more comfortable for him with the wound at his hip. But him standing behind her makes me wonder if he's being protective of her or if it's comforting for him.

"Jasper, I just want to ask a few follow up questions."

"Follow up?"

"Yes, I know your lacerations look good but I want to know how you're doing." I've taken my lab coat off, I'm trying to be casual rather than clinical about this.

He doesn't say anything. He looks like he's unsure what to say. Alice turns to look up at him.

"I... don't..."

"How is the pain?" That gets a reaction that's more than a blank look.

His shoulders slump just a little, just enough to be noticeably changed from his ramrod straight stance. I see his hands start to worry at his crutch. I know he's in pain, I just want to know if it's manageable. He seems nervous to say.

If I was talking to someone else I would do it privately. But I think asking Alice to leave in this case wouldn't serve to do anything but make him more tense. So, I ask a different question.

"Have you been sleeping ok?" He hasn't complained at all and he's been keeping pretty regular hours except the Sunday of his panic attack when he slept through dinner.

"I've been ok." He answers evenly but I see the look that Alice gives him.

"The pain's not keeping you up is it? Because we can talk about adjusting the schedule for your medication."

"No, it's fine." It's clear that talking about medication makes him nervous.

"Jasper, are you sure? I'm not talking about upping your dosage."

He shakes his head.

"Alright. How have you felt in general?"

He seems to look everywhere but at me. "I've been kinda tired this weekend. I might have over done it Friday night."

I nod my head, I think that might be about all he's willing to share. I'm not letting it drop just giving him a reprieve for now.

"Ok, well we'll go get Edward and get you all back to the house and you can rest. I just... I want you both to know my door is always open to talk."

Jasper

Dr. Cullen says he's having Edward sort through files left by a doctor that retired.

He takes us down the hall to a conference room in the back. Edward's there surrounded by stacks and stacks of file boxes and papers. He's frustrated and shows it when the doctor asks "How is it going in here?"

Edward looks exasperated. "I'm still trying to figure out where to even start with all this." Edward gestures vaguely to the pile.

"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out." The doctor seems confident, I'm not so sure.

I walk up to the table and look at the folders and note pads that are scattered around. I start scanning a page of an open notebook close to me.

Edward's frustrated voice cuts through my concentration. "You can read that!"

I look up and see that he's talking to me. I straighten up and back up a step from the table. "hum... it would help to have context, but yeah."

"Wow Jazz," Alice slides over to get a closer look at the writing "it looks like Alien writing or something it's just circles and squiggles. Can you really read that?"

"It's shorthand, a fast way of writing when you're taking dictation or notes." I learned it while in the army. I always found it useful.

"It's for secretaries," Edward says indignantly.

"Or anyone who needs to write fast." I throw out. I look around at all the notebooks on the table probably all filled with shorthand and find myself amused that Edward's probably been sitting here all morning unable to read any of it.

"Jasper, would you like a job?"

I'm not sure I heard Dr. Cullen correctly for a second, until Edward rails "But Dad!"

Dr. Cullen puts a stop to Edward's protests quickly. "I need these files to be organized sooner rather than later. Jasper you could work with Edward, I'll pay you 1.50 an hour. Half days Monday through Thursday till the filing is done."

His enthusiasm is sudden and overwhelming. I was not expecting a job offer in my wildest dreams and I'm not sure what to say. Alice smiles at me and nods her head indicating that I should say yes.

All kinds of emotions are swirling through me, my confusion and maybe excitement, Alice's pride, Dr. Cullen's determination, and Edward's annoyance. I feel kind of dumbfounded.

"Unless you're not feeling up to it," Dr. Cullen breaks the silence, giving me an out.

"No no, I can work." The words tumble out of my mouth and I feel like I might wind up regretting them.

"Excellent."

Edward looks like he can't believe what just happened. Honestly I can't either. Alice and Dr. Cullen both look thrilled.

Tbc...


End file.
